Depressed and don't know what to do

Posted , 6 users are following.

Before I got married to my husband he had told me he was married already and she was a mental patient.  At that time we both needed each other and I didn't pay attention to this part of his life.  Anyways way back in 2011 he bought to live with us in the guise that she would help with the kids.  She may be a mental patient but she is a very possessive woman and slowly took over my home and my kids.  I tried to get along with her but she I never knew of her moods which were often very depressive and very possesive that it started getting to me.  I don't know when I started hating this woman.  For me hate is a pretty strong word and feeling but through these years it has affected me in a very serious way.  Last year she went home to take care of her ailing mother who eventually died but she stayed there and believe it made such a difference.  I managed to heal a bit and recover from this feeling of depression and hatred.  But last week she came back and he told me it was for a few weeks but I'm scared she will stay and take over again.  My heart feels so heavy I want to just sit and cry, I don't want this woman back in our lives again.  The fights have started and my crying and depressive spells too.  I want to be sane for my 3 little kids.  He says I'm being dramatic and over emotional.  But I don't know I just can't control my emotions anymore.  I don't want this possessive woman anywhere near me. We are not a rich family and my husband is a lone breadwinner.  If he was richer this would not have happpened but I left my job because I was getting terrible at handling my emotions.  I have so much anger for this woman for ruining our lives.  I don't know what to do anymore...feel so helpless and lonely

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  • Posted

    First why does your guy want her around in the first place his priority should be you and he should let her get on with her own life and treatment if I was you I would say that to him sounds to me as if he likes having 2 women to basically take care of him and the family home he may still care for this woman but you should be his priority and I would stand your ground and refuse this woman anything if you're guy loves you he should respect you're wishes and tell her to leave also I would go see your gp they can help especially with dealing with your emotions so you may be able to work again and feel so much better about yourself

    Please take care

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  • Posted

    Hi Caroline, I am sorry to read your story. You have a right to not have this woman in your lives and house. It is not helping your mental health which in turn will not be good for your children. If your husband is intent on having someone to help you with the children say okay but lets find someone else. I bet he wouldn't because he wants this one.Tell him how unhappy this makes you feel and that you wouldn't want the children to suffer because of this. It sounds like he still has an emotional attachment to this woman. Have you a family member or close friend that will act as a go between to talk to him to save any rows. I do feel for you as it sounds like your husband is very controlling and possessive. I have been in a controlling situation many years ago so know how hard it is.Hope this helps. Keep with this forum as people here are very supportive. Elizabeth 
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  • Posted

    I agree with what both Jason and Caroline have both said.

    I do however believe that this is not the fault of the women. Yes she may be manipulative and controlling but she is only allowed in your home because your husband is allowing it. You have every right to be angry but I feel you are aiming all this at her when if you think deep enough into this,it is your husbands doing.

    He has completely disregarded your feelings and how this is effecting you. 

    I would get home to one side and say " when we first allowed this women into our homes it was because of her poor mental state and something inside him felt he had a responsibility to help her. You agreed to this because you also wanted to help but now that your own mental health is at risk you would like to see the same loyalty and sense of responsibility to yourself"!!!

    Xx

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  • Posted

    I can't believe this story  You mean to say you allowed your husbands ex to live in your marital home?   You must be mad!  Did you ever think he might have driven his ex to her state the same way he is going with you?  It is not her to blame it is your hubby.  

    I agree that he obviously likes having 2 women to look after him and fight over him.  What an egotisical b.....d.  And you not only put up with it you condone it.  I repeat are you mad??

    It is your husband to blame and you for allowing him to treat you like this!  If you want my advice you will kick him and his ex out and tell them to go ..... themselves.  

    Get them both out of your life,  sort your head out,  and get yourself a job and pick yourself up.  You don't need him or his ex.  x

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    • Posted

      Yes I know Caroline and I am not saying it is easy.  I might have come over a bit harsh and I apologise for this.  

      I was just trying to get you to see that it is your husband who is causing all this  and not his ex.  He is the one you should be blaming and dealing with not her.  

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  • Posted

    Thank you Jason, Elizabeth, Gillian n hypercat.  Its nice to know there are people who understand my state. He says I'm selfish and insensitive and that she needs help. The reason why she is in our house becoz she does not get along with anyone else besides my hub. She is on treatment drugs and needs to sleep alot. She is unable to cook or clean or even do her laundry. Her own sister cannot control her when she is unwell. I dont know the nature of her illness but when she loses it she only recognizes my hubs. Yes, I agree he is at fault but he says he has no choice and cannot afford a separate place for her for now.

    So you see until she gets her own space I have no choice but to bear her depressive presence. I know i need treatment Jason because I feel so low all the time and so angry at the same time. 

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    • Posted

      I would say she really needs professional help she needs to understand your husband has moved on and she can no longer be a part of his life you have children to take care of so please go see your gp to get you right so you can care for them right now it is why I am getting help with my depression so I can take care of my son because I am a single parent and he and your children have got to come first and how can you care properly if you aren't right yourself

      please take care

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    • Posted

      You are right I need help. I want to be happy again for my kids, for him n for me. As for her my hands are tied, only he can make those decisions. Thanks for your advice Jason. Will let you'll know after I visit a counselor.
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    • Posted

      How is that decision his if he can't see that she needs professional then I would take the kids and walk away sounds like he is in denial at how bad this woman is he may think he is helping but she isnt getting better therfore you can't have a normal relationship with him and a family I would give him an ultimatum her or you sorry for sounding harsh but even us on this forum understand that we cant help everyone and usually encourage people to seek professional help she needs to be with people who know what there doing and can help her find herself so she can hopefully have a normal life because I think that is what you want and you have to take care of yourself first before others before you're mental health becomes a real bigger issue
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    • Posted

      I think we also have to recognise the cultural differences here. 

      It isnt so easy for other cultures/families to up and leave.

      It's easy for me to say that I would fine his a*se right through the door with one foot and the ex wife would be on the end of the other.

      However I do appreciate that you may not be able to that Caroline.

      You still have rights though hun and I know you may not have much of a say of what happens I'm your home but you can explain that while he is concentrating on her well being he is failing to recognise that you are slowly going down hill. You and your children should be his first priority and if this is making you I'll then he's going to end up not only looking after a ill ex wife but a wife also xxx

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    • Posted

      Yes Gillian the cultire here sad to say really sucks. People would say I am a villain for being mean and not giving her shelter. Coz on het own in our society she would nit survive a day.

      I have wanted out of this relationship many times but I stay becoz of our kids. They are still very young and crazy about him and vice versa. Then there's inflation i cannot raise my kids alone, cannot afford Gillian.

      I do care about myself and I am not going to sit idle. I wont rest till she leaves. 

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    • Posted

      I am so glad to hear that you have a bit of fight in you to fight for you.

      You are not a villain. In fact I think you are a saint for putting up with it for so long,many wouldn't of.

      And now,enough is enough. You have done all you can and you don't need to do any more. 

      Start simply by doing things for just your husband and family..your washing...your cooking ect...

      If your husband is then intent on her staying,then let her be his responsibility,totally!!!xx

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