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At times in my life I have months on end where thoughts and bad memories repeat over and over in my head. I have constant anxiety and I often cry because I feel like I am a bad person... Everything I’ve done is done and I can’t take them back. Worst of all, I feel like I can never forgive myself for all of these things. I am a bad person, and I’ll never be a good one. I remember things that I have done in the past 20 years and obsess over mistakes or embarrassing moments. I have many bad habits, and all of them create guilt for me. Marijuana… messes with my brain probably causing irreversible damage. My sexual preferences harm nobody, but they still seem very strange to me which makes me feel disgusting or perverse. My husband suffers when I have mood swings. I can’t watch my son for more than a few hours on my own. I am just not ready to be a mother (or a wife). I have said that I regret having my son, and this is one of the few things I can’t live with.
I have supportive family and friends, but all I can think about is suicide. I wish I could end my life but I don’t want to hurt all of those people. They don’t understand that their lives are better off without my negative impact. Especially my son. What’s worse: having a mother who committed suicide or a mother who regrets having you?
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