Depressed boyfriend hasn’t come to see me in a year and 5 months, I don't know what to do.

Edited , 3 users are following.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 years, we are both 28. He has suffered with depression and still

is. He lives at home and so do I so we don't live together. His depression got worse in 2019, that year we only saw each other 9 times and the last time I saw him in person was November of that year. I get we went into a pandemic soon after but he did not want to even meet up during the times we could of 2020 as he said he is not ready. He doesn't want me to go meet him as he gets worried for me to drive back home at night and his family have "tension" so he doesn't want me to go to his house (i have not been introduced to his family yet) he smokes weed every day and also has stopped talking to all his friends, he hasnt had a job for 4 years either. We talk on the phone every night and i really don't want to lose him as I love him and want a life with him but how much longer can I wait till he is ready to see me again? what should I do? I have waited a year and 5 months for him to be ready so far and he still needs time, is my kindness being taken for granted or should I wait longer?

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    hi s, i am not convinced this is your name but even so i still read your post and thought this poor girl. by you're age i'd been raped twice so relationships were something i never really thought about. this is guy is really smashing? i think you're under selling yourself. i think he's rude selfish and smoking weed will be stopping him speaking to you maybe due to the side effects of it? does he not appreciate how lovely you are? he needs a reality check have you told him you're fed up of him not speaking to you? why should you wait that long. i have PTSD from rape as i mentioned earlier. i live with it daily. has he spoken to anyone about his depression? have you spoken to someone with him? if he wants you there and you're kind enough to support him then something must change. good luck, you are a kind person. x don't forget that and more importantly look after you.

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  • Edited

    Thank you for the reply Sam, I wanted to make my name anonymous as my name is a little unique . I am sorry for what you had to go through. My boyfriend does talk to me on the phone but the issue is he doesn't want to come out and see me despite not coming out to see me for a year and 5 months. He only has told me he suffers from depression but has not thought about getting help as he doesn't believe in therapy. Thank you again for your reply it is lovely to hear other people's opinions and is helpful

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    • Posted

      hi s, replying is no problem, have you tried to find out why he won't come out and why he won't speak to anyone? that would be good to find out! i hope things improve, good luck. x

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  • Posted

    I know you love and care for him but the other commenter is right in you're underselling yourself. What do you want and need from a relationship? It's not fair to you to not see your boyfriend (1 year and 5 months is a long time) because he doesn't want to take the initiative or allow you take the initiative to see one another. This sounds similar to a past relationship and once I moved on into a healthy and loving relationship I realized how much I undersold myself. My previous partner had/has depression and so I always gave excuses for why the things I really wasn't okay with were okay. I loved them and wanted to be there for them but I never really considered what did I want and need? I needed a partner I could see and spend quality time with. My partner always made excuses as to why they couldn't see me. I also have depression and anxiety and well, it didn't end well. I think it would be a good time to reflect the pros and cons of your relationship and maybe transition to a friendship until he shows you he's making an effort to change. Yes, depression does make things difficult but if he wanted to spend time with you physically, he would. The only excuse I can think of is if you two live very far from one another and money is tight.

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