Depressed & Feeling completely hopeless

Posted , 4 users are following.

I am feeling so alone, depressed, sad and completely hopeless. I am married and have 2 kids. i sometimes feel like if I could commit suicide it would end all my hurt and pain but i won't ever actually do that. I don't know what to do. I'm always looking for someone or something else to make me happy. I am either extremely happy or extremely sad. I got a job that paid extremely more than I usually make and I took it. Since I have been there everyone hates me because there has been a lot of change. It's to the point that they are trying to make me either quit or are looking for ways to fire me. I can't sleep, most of the time I don't eat and I never want to go to work or even get out of bed but I have to or my family will lose everything. I feel like every aspect of my life is horrible. I feel like my family thinks poorly of me. My job and the way people treat me there makes me want to end my life just to escape it. I feel like my husband doesn't really care about me or is oblivious when I am hurting. I actually try to reach out and have relationships with other men to get what I am lacking and I always think that ends up where I want their attention at all times and I don't get it so I get even more depressed. My husband pretty much does everything for my daughter and Its because I feel he thinks I can't do anything right and I'm always so depressed I also just set back and let him do it. If I could quit my job and not have to do anything or have a less stressful job and be able to work a job that doesn't have as many responsibilities just to have some stress lifted off my shoulders I feel that would be amazing but I am always searching for something to make me happy and nothing does. I'm not happy and don't know how to be. I can't make simple decisions. I looked online for questions to better know myself trying to find myself and I can't even answer most of the questions. What's wrong with me?

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Lucy.

    I kind of know what you're going through. I've just walked into a&e because I don't trust myself. Just started citralopram yesterday and side effects are horrendous. I'm more suicidal now than before.

    I've just recently separated from my wife and have 2 gorgeous kids. The guilt of the way I'm feeling just exacerbate the problem.

    You need to talk to your husband and gp. Let it out and don't hold back. Putting brave face on it and trying to stay strong won't work. Your not weak just stressed exhausted and strained. Your only human. You have to put yourself first before you can help anyone else.

    Good luck Lucy. It's going to get better.

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  • Posted

    Hi lucy.

    I totally understand how you feel i too was like you i always felt i could be happier so i walked out on my partner after 14yrs with 3 young kids. That was 8 years ago. Now im the one all on my own lonely battling depression while he is getting married next year. Kids are now 15 16 and 19 and wishing i could turn back time and be happy with what i had. I had a nice house etc bit it never seemed to be enough i simply wasnt in love with him like i was before kids. Im proof the grass isnt always greener on the other side as im still looking for something i probably already had. Nothing was ever good enough for me

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  • Posted

    Hi Lucy - sorry to read of your situation. First of all, don't do anything rash. Don't walk out of your family, don't give up your job and don't contemplate suicide as an answer. Your first move should be to make an appointment with your doctor and openly and honestly discuss how you are feeling and the effects it is having on your life. The doctor may prescrbe an antidepressant to balance you mood (that will take 2-6 weeks to work) or may refer you to a psychiatrist for evaluation. You should also ask for a referral to a counsellor/psychologist, where you can openly discuss issues in a safe, non-judgemental environment. There, you will learn to recognise triggers for your condition and coping skills to deal with them when they arise.

    It will be difficult and perhaps confronting to start with, but you will get stronger and more confident as time and sessions progress. You will feel better also because you are doing something constructive about your situation. When you are in a more secure place within yourself, you can make decisions about where your life goes from there. If the job is really that bad and you can afford to lose it, then you can make that decision when you are more stable. Meanwhile, routine will be important. Best of luck to you and your future.

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