Depressed Girlfriend. Need help
Posted , 7 users are following.
Hey, new to the forum here. Looking for advice from anyone who's been in my shoes, or in a similar situation, or just anyone willing to give their two cents. It would be very much appreciated.
My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year, and she has a very severe case of depression. I myself have been diagnosed with chronic depression, so I am well aware of how she is feeling. The difference being how we go about it. When we met, it wasn't exactly all milk and honey, there were issues, but she was upfront about her state of mind when we were first in contact, so I was expecting some turbulance. Over the last year, I've been there day in and day out helping her in any possible way I could, but nothing has changed. As a matter of fact, I believe it's gotten worse. I've tried on multiple occasions to get her to seek professional help, but she absolutely refuses to do so. She thinks there is no way anything or anybody could help her. Personally, I have gone to therapy, and it didn't help me in a conventional sense. But it did help me by affirming me that I DID have depression, and that in itself was just enough to power through it on most days. I can live with it. But with her, every day constantly walking on egg shells, I can't joke around with her, I can't bring up any kind of bad news, I can't be myself because it will upset her and cause her to take blame for any and all things that are going wrong. She's told me on multiple occasions she would have killed herself if not for me coming along, and I am certain if I leave, she will. I cannot get her to seek help, but I love her and can't just step away because I know what will happen. I'm at the end of my rope here. A year of carrying her emotional baggage as well as mine with no outlet to it because I can't open up to her is really beating me down. I can't take it anymore, but I can't leave her out of fear she will kill herself.
I would appreciate anyone's input on this, thank you.
0 likes, 8 replies
amanda35274 Seleckt1276
Posted
Wow this is a tough one, as u both have mental health issues & are still together. This is wat caused the breakup of my marriage xx i felt i was going to be the cause of someones death luckily it didnt happen. But if i stayed that death would have been mine. Because of the life i had growing up and as u say the constant state of walking on eggshells etc after staying 6/7 yrs its was unhealthy for us both. X really wish i had an easy answer for u. Any dr will say or layperson no matter how much u love someone u alone can never be responsible for someones choice to take their own life... it wud b awful for u to live with but i think yr partner shud at least get help & try it for yr sake ecspec as yr ill too. Otherwise things wont end well. We now co parent & have ups and downs seperately not with one another so it can be acheived xx id like happiness for u both. But u cant have that cross to bear its not fair xxx hugs xx
amanda35274 Seleckt1276
Posted
amanda35274 NNENDU
Posted
amanda35274
Posted
amanda35274
Posted
Hakuna_matata Seleckt1276
Posted
Well you know I think sometimes as much as we try to help ppl they can only be helped if they want help. Of course the first step to that is admitting you have a problem, the lady in question seems to be content almost accepting she'll never get better and I'm afraid in that mind set she really won't.
You seem to feel almost obliged to stay? Do you think that helps her? She probs knows this already hence the guilt trip of if you didn't come along. I've been suicidal in fact I was successful, and I'd like to assure you at that time of my life if God himself had come along nothing would of changed my mind NOTHING!!
Therefore I feel it's more she knows you how you think she knows to pluck on the heart strings is your Achilles heal you'd feel so guilty right?
Do you think thinks could get better or is it to far gone you could try talking to her and say you have to be firm but fair and your at your whites end you feel like your relationship is going down in flames and if she doesn't at least try to get help you cant see much of a future ( not blackmail) more put the choice on her you know.
Let her know there are things you can't do alone and relationships can only work if both parties want it if she really really want it to work she'll at least try I mean your trying for her right now right asking about this you have to be firm but fair
If you both really want it to work it'll work she may like the feeling of having you jump through hoops but there comes a time when enough is enough you can't do everything alone
You don't have to be the one that makes the desicion if you should stay or go is what I'm saying give her a fighting chance talk to her let her know how your really feeling it may be the wake up call she needs honesty is always the best policy
I hope things work out for everyone concerned
amanda35274 Hakuna_matata
Posted
wayne1962 Seleckt1276
Posted
Hi Seleckt - sorry to read of your situation. It's a tough one, and my advise is going to sound cold, but sometimes one has to be cruel to be kind. You need to quit the tip-toeing and put your foot down. The situation is debilitating for you and you have your health to consider. Sit your partner down and tell her how you feel. Tell her that it is in her interest and in your interest that she seeks professional help. Threatening to suicide is a controlling act, and is totally irresponsible if one has not explored every single avenue to address problems that cause such ideation. Tell her that you cannot see the relationship going foward unless things change - and that the core of that change must come with her seeking help to address the issues that she cannot control herself. Tell her that you are suffering because of her stubborness and that she must take positive action to help the relationship. Explain that you cannot help her if she will not help herself. That your health and wellbeing is just as important and is in detriment under the current conditions. You may find it easier to write down what you need to say, and, if necessary, give the written version to her. And tell her that if she takes action you will be with her every step of the way. If she rejects what you are saying then you will have to decide whether you will tolerate and stay or devise an exit plan and follow through with it.