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I've had a tough time at school recently and I barley do anything anymore. I go away to college five hours from home and I am now in my last year of school. Last spring I lost my only friend group. I was really close to them but they made me feel like an outsider as time went on. They were my roommates and we ended it on bad terms. I moved into different housing but it's still hard to see them around. I guess it's hard because they hurt me and even though they moved on I haven't. Now I am getting ready to graduate in the spring, but I have a lot of hard classes this semester. It's stresses me a lot and I am constantly studying to keep up. I live in a sorority house but I haven't made any friends. I only leave my room when I have class or work. I even eat in my room because I don't talk to anyone and I have so much anxiety to eat there. I try to keep up with all my class work but that's basically all I do. I don't hang out or even talk to others really. I avoid walking around campus because I am scared to see my old friends and know that they will talk to me. I won't even go to the gym because one of them work there and I would have to see them every day. I know it's illogical and weak to let them have such an effect on my life but avoiding them makes me feel better. They are in my class on Thursday and I dread that class because of it. I am sad all the time and I feel very lonely. Every time I talk to my parents about it I feel their disappointment in me. I can't even imagine trying to open up to a doctor or counselor about it. I am trying just to focus on studying and finishing my degree but time just passes so slowly. I am not sure if I have trouble sleeping because I do not sleep a lot anyways because I have tests in my classes weekly. I don't want to take medication that could affect my focus on my school work or weight. I don't know what to do I am not suicidal as I am too scared of dying to do anything like that. I just want this year to pass by so bad and I can't transfer schools because I am graduating in the spring. I just feel like everyday gets worse instead of better. I don't know what to do anymore everything is so hard.
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