Depressed lonely need help

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Right il start of by saying i'm new here and alittle nervous. Were do i start i'm 17 have no friends. I don't go out i mean i have not left the house in 2 years. I left school at 15 because i could not deal with getting builled everyday it got to the point were i broke down to my step-dad and told him everything. I now feel like a failure i got no grades in school as i left when i was 15 ( before exams ) i now feel trapped i can't leave the house as i have no friends and i don't wanna walk around alone. Its getting to the point were i just wanna end it all i don't like life its so unfair also my step-dad could be dieing of skin cancer i feel depressed all day everyday i really want to get help but i just feel like i'm a waste of time a waste of space i don't think i deserve the time of day. I need help please anyone can you give me some advice thxnks in advance 

Also i can't even come out to my parents as i'm a Bisexual i am afraid scared i really don't know what to do with myself anymore. The only thing i do all day everyday is watch anime and speak to people on skype who i like to class as my friends as i speak to them all day everyday well most days they don't know anything about how i feel we just play games and stuff i would like to tell them but i feel like a waste of space as i have said anyway someone please help thanks in advance - Ash

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  • Posted

    What you've been through is awful.

    I think the "bullying" term gets used too readily at present but you obviously actually have been, bullied.

    Me too.

    I had parents who convinced me to stick it out at school, despite me being hospitalised due to one particularly vicious attack.

    I am in serious mental health problems now as a result, so please don't blame yourself for leaving school, I wish I had the guts to do that!

    You might not think you have friends but you do, all around the world. Fellow sufferers, compassionate people will get what you are going through.

    I get it.

    Don't be ashamed of who you are, let the bullies take the burden of blame.

    They are the people who need to feel guilt, not you.

    Be true to yourself, this is your life, don't let them win by being anything less than you.

    In life we meet some awful people, but the best way to beat them is to find pride in who you are. Bullies hate being faced with strength, try and dig deep and find some. Even when you don't really feel strong; pretend.

    It's so so so hard, but even looking in a mirror and making a decision to try to be and convey your inner self is a step forward.

    Start small; allow yourself to be you when alone, then with close family and friends (I bet you'll be shocked by how many have struggled in the past) then go out in to the world and be who you are.

    Small steps

    Take your time

    Know that the good people on this earth are backing you.

    Take care x

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  • Posted

    Hi ashh, the first thing to remember is your not alone and you are not a waste of space. It may seem that way sometimes but your never really alone. You mention your step dad, what about your mum? I know they have a lot to deal with but I think they would want to help. Even if it's just to be a shoulder, a hug and a hand to hold to go to the gp. At the very least you really should get in touch with your gp and seek help. The first step is always asking for help and there's no shame in asking for it.

    I think you do have a lot on your shoulders and it may help to think of your worrys as individual things rather then have your mind running through them as one massive weight. You don't have to deal with everything all in one go. First your health. Get the help you need and get yourself into a better place. Counselling can be a huge benefit. Just having the freedom to talk about everything and have someone listen and advise. The counsellor is always confidential and will always be impartial. I used to hate shrinks and counsellors. I used to torture the life out of them when I was sent to them years ago. I was even proud that I could head melt one of them. But if I'd taken it seriously and just realised they were there to help I would've probably been fixed way back then or at least accepted I really did have a problem that I couldn't just pack away somewhere.

    Next (only you can choose the importance and the order it comes in btw) school. Don't panic about school and your exams. There are always options to sit them at a later date in special circumstances. Education is important but your health and well being is more important.

    Being honest about your sexuality is a more personal thing and I can only imagine how it must play on your mind. It is however a big part of who you are and I would think it would always be best to be open and honest about it to your parents and anyone close to you. I am a dad and while my child is only two I would always want him to be open with me. As a parent I can't help but imagine the person he might become, the potential he has and what he might achieve. It's a parent thing and we can't help it. But it is his life and I will always support his decisions and who he is.

    I isolated myself too into online games. The hours I've logged in World of Tanks is just scary. I'm at the hart of a gaming Clan too. Have a core group of them I talk to regularly on teamspeake, moderate their forum, part of first team lineup

    but as much fun as that is and as great a bunch of people they are we don't really know each other. They have no clue I'm getting counselling for depression, assessed for aspergers syndrome and I'm out of work...That they are a sort of escape from it all. Certainly if you feel particularly close to one or two of them, close enough to talk about personal stuff then there is no harm talking to them. Talking is always good. I personally didn't tell my lot as they are still a bit of an escape for me.

    I have prattled on quite a bit there but if even a few words of it help then it's worth the thumb cramp typing on the phone.lol I really hope you get the help you need and find yourself in a better place soon. D

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  • Posted

    Hello Ash, I am sorry that you were bullied at school. The best revenge is to be successful otherwise the bullies have won. I think you would benefit from Counselling to talk about your feelings in a non judgemental and confidential way. Depression is inward anger which stems from being bullied. You are not a waste of space, you have as much right as anybody to be on this earth. The first step is to see your GP take someone with you, they don't need to go into the GP'S consulting room with you but be there to support you. Your education is not lost, there are colleges that do courses for you to gain some grades and this will get you mixing with other people, and to build your confidence and low self esteem. Try going for walks everyday, start off with around the block when not to many people are about or around the local park, get a dog to walk and look after, you will feel needed. There is a whole world out there, you are young, do not waste your life, find some motivation, join a gym. I realise that this is not easy for you right now but with small baby steps you can acheive so much more. When those bullies see that your living your life they will have lost their hold over you.

    Best wishes.

    Elizabeth. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Ashh , I really feel for you and so want to help. To begin with you you have to believe that you are a worthy person. Your just a young lad trying to feel his way round the world.

    Speak to someone today , any member of your family ,tell them how you are feeling ,it will hopefully start a situatiion where you will have support and someone to confide in.

    Have you thought about a college course ? Even part time could help you meet people and start to buile confidence. Start with small steps and reach out to people. Colleges offer all kinds of support to young people and it may be the first step to finding employment and new friends.

    Exercise is also really good,switch off your computer for today and get out walking in the park or country. After an hour walking you WILL feel your mood lifting ,even if you hate exercise force yourself and the benefits will be worth it.

    Speak to other young gay people for support through their helplines ,be honest they will have heard it all before and will know how to help. My son had a hard time at school as a result of his sexuality so I knwo how you must be feeling. Its not such a big deal .your family will love you no matter ,they will not want to think you are feeling like this so reach out and seek the support you need.

    Good Luck and keep in touch with others we all care.

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  • Posted

    I Thank everyone for all your advice it has help't alot i'm going to try and get my life back on track i'm going to be more honest but its going to take sometime as i'm in a bad place right now and i need to take stuff slow like i said before i can't thank any of you enough - Ash
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    • Posted

      Hello Ash, I hope you can get your life on track, your so young and have a world in front of you. Keep with the forum as we are here anytime youu need to talk and need support. 

      Best wishes.

      Elizabeth.

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