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Depressed on and off for 10 years making me miserable - in search for some help or advice.

Posted , 4 users are following.

sam2121
sam2121

Hi everyone, 

I'm a 22 year male who is currently at university. 

For the past 10 years or so i've been depressed, on and off. The depression hits me in phases - for example, for a few months I might be fine and almost forget about my depression as a whole, but then it will come back (like it has now). I find that i'll allow small, insignificant things to dampen my mood, until i'm eventually really low and feeling nothing like my normal, happy self. For example, if I say something to someone and they don't hear, I might perceive their silence as being ignored because they don't want to make effort talking to me. 

The really frustrating thing is that I know my mind is playing tricks on me. I know my friends all love me. I know that my family all love me. And if you asked any of them what they think of me they would probably say "he's a really happy guy who has absolutely no problems in his life, whatsoever." However, as irrational as my mood changes might be, as soon as that first negative thought runs through my mind I know I face a battle to prevent my depression from creeping back. I never, ever win this battle, and often face a very low next few weeks/months. 

I would love to learn to not let other people's actions dictate my mood, as this is making me miserable, and has done for the past several years. I want to enjoy my life to the fullest by having a great time with my friends/family, and by getting a job which will enable me to live the life I desire. When i'm overthinking things, I become quieter, less interactive, and far less happy - which eventually has a knock on effect and worsens my mood. 

In terms of getting help, i've been to the doctors and was recommended CBT through NHS funded organisations such as steps2wellbeing. However, I spent a while looking at reviews and the majority said that they had such a bad experience that they now are in an even worse mental state than before. As a student, I also have very little money and would prefer to avoid talking with my family about this. 

If anyone is experiencing anything similar, please let me know, and if anyone has any advice, i'd really really appreciate it if they could spare the time to post it on here. 

Thanks a lot. 

Sam 

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 sam2121

    Posted

    Hi sam - does your uni have a counsellor available? That would be a place to start. They will be able to help you get help. As for the reports others make about their experiences, mental health disorders are as individual as each of us. What doesn't work for one may just work for you. Hang in there.

    • sam2121
      sam2121 wayne1962

      Posted

      Hi Wayne,

      Thanks a lot for getting back to me! I will look into the uni councillor thing for sure. 

      Thanks again. 

  • Maryannn
    Maryannn sam2121

    Posted

    Hey Sam, waynes right guidance counsellors at unis should be able to help you, hear you out. Did anything drastic ever happened in your life that brought on the Depression or has it just been lingering feeling you never understood? For me my anxiety and depression was triggered when my ex broke up with me over 6 yrs ago and about 2 yrs after it actually got a lot better where i try to control it more. Doing things out of my comfort zone. I didn't take sny meds.

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