Depressed, worrying, sahm almost empty nest

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How I am feeling today. Any advice appreciated. Prayers too. My health anxiety is getting bad again. My husband gets up and goes to play golf, then comes home and does yard work etc. His energy is endless. Me? I sit in the house...worrying, googling, watching tv trying to distract my mind. I don't want to go out and shop. I try to think of what I enjoy doing...Gym? no, but i do it anyways. My youngest is 16 and driving now. Everything has been about the kids. It kept me busy. i am supposed to be getting my gallbladder out soon (this has been a few years coming) but of course I am going to obsessively and excessively worry about it and everything else. Does anyone else do this? Hot flashes are coming multiple times at night now. Is that making the psychological part worse?

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  • Posted

    hi there - i am not sure whether you are peri or post, but i can assure you, your symptoms are very typical of this time in our lives - I am post menopausal by seven years & 3 years ago i was caregiving my parents full-time, running two households, 1 with a total hour commute & i was doing it effortlessly - the last two years, i am lucky if i get 2 or 3 hours of work, or errands accomplished. My husband is 5 years older than me & runs circles around me & he really has no clue what i am going thru & it frustrates the hell out of him because he is used to me doing everything - The empty nest thing is really sad & depressing I know, believe me, but you will get thru it - My youngest has come back to live with us after college & that has its own set of challenges - i guess we should be careful what we wish for - hah!

    i am trying to keep the faith & just praying everyday that i am going to wake up to my old self again - i just want my life back - hang tough -

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    • Posted

      Thank you Debra! i am still in peri. same here with my husband. I don't know what happened to supermom/wife. i rarely cook. i do the basics laundry and dishes etc. i desperately want to stop worrying about mine and everyone else's health.

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  • Posted

    I would say try to find something for YOU!!! And stay busy! I know this is hard because I have too as well. I don't care for the gym but I try to keep up with swimming. I need to ride my bike but don't feel like it. I have a friend who is OLDER than me by 5 years and she is always out and about doing things. I'm jealous and try to do things with her but I just don't have the energy. My kids are a few years away from college and at times I get 'sick' thinking about what I will do... My mom has been after me to go back to college to do something I'm interested in BUT just no motivation. I do need to develop more friendships because I think I will really need them when it's just spouse and I-- I like to travel and he doesn't AND I need to laugh and have fun. My spouse has energy has well and I just let him go because it's better that way for him to do his thing. I get in these phases that I worry about my parents or the kids and all the 'what-ifs'-- Don't know I get this but I try hard not to 'go there'.

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    • Posted

      thanks kelly. Does your older friend take anything? I also need to make more friends. It's hard because we have moved a lot with my husbands job. He doesn't have trouble because he works outside the home. This is a really hard time in our life. At this point, I don't even know what I like to do. But, I know I need to be doing something!

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  • Posted

    hi kelly - having had the experience of seeing two kids off to college & caregiving for my parents and then having to let go of them, i will say from experience it is heartwrenching. Somehow by the grace of god, you get thru it. In my case, i crashed & burned after it, but i did manage to get thru it - it sucks that these major changes happen during this time in our lives - i pray for serenity & peace daily -

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  • Posted

    I can't say I know how you are feeling as I do not have children or a husband. From my perspective, thank your lucky stars you don't have to work and have all your needs met. I am the sole earner in my household. I also take care of my mom. As someone who just got fired for the first time in their life from a professional career, trust me when I say you are lucky. I have no idea how I am going to pay for our food and shelter. It is my dream to work from home. I could not even fathom being a sahm...it would be like winning the lottery. The only reason I wrote this post is for you to realize that even when you feel your life is difficult, there is always someone who wishes they had what you have. This goes for myself as well. I am sure there are many women who wish they were independent with professional careers. The grass is always greener. Focus on what you do have and not on what you wish you had. Good luck with the gallbladder surgery! You mention going out to shop...do it. There's some of us counting pennies. GO LIVE!

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    • Posted

      Hi Staci. You are so right... I know there are others with bigger problems than me and then i feel guilty for complaining. But yes, the grass is always greener.. Thank you, I am so ready to get this gallbladder out. i was up between 3 -6 this morning nauseated and having a hot flash. Of course that could be gallbladder or meno lol. I'm sorry to hear about you losing your job! Nobody needs that stress on top of all this meno stuff.. I'll be praying for you. Even though I stay at home, trust me when i say I'm not eating bon bons all day. Ha Ha. I've had to learn how to be super thrifty so that I could stay home.

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