Depression....

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A year ago i was diagnosed with depression and was prescribed fluoxetine but after a few months i stopped taking them because they never worked on me and doctors refused to up the dosage.. I then met my boyfriend and started being extremely happy but these past few weeks i have noticed myself feeling down again. I know i could never go through with it but im starting to think of suicide.. Anyone else been in this position? what did you do to stop thinking about it?

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  • Posted

    That's a tricky one. It's very hard to get rid of suicidal thoughts, even when you're in a good place - I think they flash into my mind almost every day, and like you I know I could never go through with it, partly because once when severly depressed I actually found my life endangered for another reason, and the will to survive reared up in me like a wild beast so I knew that even though I couldn't face life, I also didn't want death.

    A long time ago I realised that suicidal thoughts are the brain's response to feeling powerless and trapped, and that in a way they can be comforting because you know that if the pain gets too much you do have a way out. Again, this is a way out I wouldn't ever take, but it's there as an option, so I know I'm never truly trapped, and having that as a last resort somehow makes me feel less powerless and gives me the strength to keep going. Kind of like carrying diazepam around in my handbag just in case, but not intending to take it. This might not make sense at all. 

    Also in that way I lessened the fear of the suicidal thoughts - so when they hit I feel horrible, and mean it, but after they've passed I don't have extra worry about it. 

    I'm pretty happy now compared to 10 years ago (obviously not completely fixed) but I still get these thoughts whenever I'm upset.

    On another note, you don't say why your doctor refused to up your dosage. Was it age related or for another medical reason? If not I'd advise changing your doctor to one who will treat you properly for depression. There are loads of different anti-depressants out there, and you will be able to find one that suits you. It's so important to have a good relationship with your GP for mental health issues. 

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  • Posted

    That's a tricky one. It's very hard to get rid of suicidal thoughts, even when you're in a good place - I think they flash into my mind almost every day, and like you I know I could never go through with it, partly because once when severly depressed I actually found my life endangered for another reason, and the will to survive reared up in me like a wild beast so I knew that even though I couldn't face life, I also didn't want death.

    A long time ago I realised that suicidal thoughts are the brain's response to feeling powerless and trapped, and that in a way they can be comforting because you know that if the pain gets too much you do have a way out. Again, this is a way out I wouldn't ever take, but it's there as an option, so I know I'm never truly trapped, and having that as a last resort somehow makes me feel less powerless and gives me the strength to keep going. Kind of like carrying diazepam around in my handbag just in case, but not intending to take it. This might not make sense at all. 

    Also in that way I lessened the fear of the suicidal thoughts - so when they hit I feel horrible, and mean it, but after they've passed I don't have extra worry about it. 

    I'm pretty happy now compared to 10 years ago (obviously not completely fixed) but I still get these thoughts whenever I'm upset.

    On another note, you don't say why your doctor refused to up your dosage. Was it age related or for another medical reason? If not I'd advise changing your doctor to one who will treat you properly for depression. There are loads of different anti-depressants out there, and you will be able to find one that suits you. It's so important to have a good relationship with your GP for mental health issues.  

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  • Posted

    Thankyou for your comment.. I didnt see my proper doctor as he was busy so i seen another one in the same practice. She said to keep taking them they should work soon, but i had already taken them for a few months and they didnt help at all. 
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  • Posted

    Yes lots of us feel like you do.  I took an overdose once because of a row with then boyfriend.  I have survived many years after that.  Depression does that to us.  Takes away a great deal.

    I am now doing as lot better, but it took many years on anti depressants. 

    Keep in touch with us here.  Don't let those thoughts take over.  How about going to doctor and seeing if snother anti depressant helps.  There are loads out there, and what suits one person may not suit another.  Just because Fluoxetine did not help you there may be another anti depressant that does.  I have taken lots in my years with depression, some helped, some didn't.  There will be one that suits you and gets you out of this low you are in at the moment. 

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    • Posted

      When they refused to up my dosage i also said about trying one that worked on a family member and they didnt want to change my medication. They wanted me to keep the same medication and same dosage, thats why i ended up stop taking it.. Why should i take a medication that doesnt work? Im not as depressed as i used to be, i think i'll be fine without medication its just the thoughts, they happen so much but i know i'd never do it. I've slit my rist and taken alot of tablets but never enough or deep enough to do bad damage. 
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