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Depression

Posted , 9 users are following.

rachel83454
rachel83454

Hi im new to this site , started taking citalopram yesterday.

My partner has left me after 5 years for another woman, also im having

a terrible time at work, manager is hateful and critisizes my every move,

also dropped my hours to 20 a week but piled more work on.

just struggling to cope, went to doctor yesterday and broke down in tears,i feel so alone, dont think i will ever get over the relationship break up,havent text him for 2 weeks now, was so close but held myself back, im hoping in the long run, i will get over him and hoping the tablets will help.

 

2 likes, 24 replies

24 Replies

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  • holly_t
    holly_t rachel83454

    Posted

    Hi Rachel

    First of all can I just say you've already taken a huge step forward by asking for help and WANTING everyhitng to be ok. To an extent, that's the hardest part. It can only go up from here!

    The first time I was on citalopram, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to go travelling for 9 months which I knew essentially meant he was ending it (he didn't have the guts face to face so did it a few months later on facebook from thailand). I didn't really have career prospects at the time, my best friend was moving to another country. I totally fell apart. But this was 4 years ago and my life has dramatically changed since then. I'm getting married, I started a new job and have been promoted 4 times since I've been here, I've made incredible friends here and my confidence has risen hugely. Please keep the faith.

    I can off citalopram finally about 8 months ago. I'm going through a blip at the moment unfortunately, I honestly believe my trigger was 'hang on everything is really good - do I deserve this? what if I lose it all?' so I'm going to the doctor to tlak about going back on them short term. I suppose I have realised I still need to work on my self esteem.

    My main point, is that you will get over this and you have no idea what tomrorow brings, your whole life could be incredible in 4 years time!

    • rachel83454
      rachel83454 holly_t

      Posted

      Thank you for your reassurance holly. Its an awful feeling. I have a daughter who is 11 and her dad has been amazing trying to pick me up., but I keep pining for my ex, wondering constantly what he is doing, its no good. Just hoping these tablets can just take the edge off my anxiety,  am desperatly seeking new job also. Its good to hear that you have totally turned your life around, good for you! You are an inspiration. 
    • loxie
      loxie rachel83454

      Posted

      Hi Rachel - as Holly has said, the first step is usually the hardest and you've managed to take that by understanding you cant get through this without help.  Well done for that.  I started on Cit for almost the same reason as yourself - the incredible difficulty of getting through a breakup - the pain I felt at the time was physical not just mental and there were days when I felt my brain and body would just explode it was so painful.  It's not easy to get through this but you will, as Holly has done and I have too.  It's not a 'walk in the park' but believe me it DOES get easier and I look back and think of that time as a wake up call to me to turn my life around.  When we're at our most vulnerable there are some people who seem to sense it and enjoy making us 'victims' - your boss sounds like one of those.  Once you start to gain some balance and your confidence returns, you'll come across as a different person and others react differently to you - Holly's story bears testament to this, as she's finding success now and that will be in part due to how much better she portrays herself to others.  I let myself become a victim too and I hated the way I was.  I felt bullied and that made me even more pathetic.  Gradually I changed for the better and bingo, the way people perceived me also changed - the opposite to a 'vicious circle' in that the better I got the better IT got, if that makes sense.  Hang in there Rachel, we speak from experience - it DOES get better even though right now it's dark for you, light will come back.  Take everything thats offered to help you and one day you'll look back and be glad you don't have someone in your life who didnt want you because there will be plenty that DO!  Good luck hon. xx
    • rachel83454
      rachel83454 loxie

      Posted

      Hi loxie

      thank you for your reasurrance throgh this difficult time, i do think that i will look back on this in time, i loved my ex, and feel so stupid that he was cheating and i didnt realise it, it has affected me, im such a nice friendly bubbly person with so much to give, but feel rock bottom at the moment.

      im worse in the morning when i get up, just want to text him, but trying to be strong,its been two weeks now and thats why i just broke down in the doctors.

      with regards to work, i cant even complain to the owner as he. Is best pals with my manager, and we havo no HR with it being a small company.

      i am looking for another job but just need to build up my confidence,

      time is a healer as they say, also i have been blaming myself,maybe if pushed him to cheat, but dont think i did, think he is just a horrible person.

      Thank you for your support, its a great comfort,

      Rachel xxxxxxx

  • holly_t
    holly_t rachel83454

    Posted

    I know it's almost patronising, how easy I made it sound. Because it's not easy at all. It really is just time, that's all you can give yourself. You're clearly a very brave woman and sound like you have a lovely little girl and that her dad is a support for you. Focus on these people, the good people in your life. Your ex will eventually be a distant, bad memory when you have come out of the other side

    x

  • The_sleepy_crow
    The_sleepy_crow rachel83454

    Posted

    Dear Rachel

    I understand your pain -and can imagine how difficult things are for you right now.

    the unexpected break-up of a relationship is hard to deal with and it does sound as though your manager doesn't have the appropriate 'skills' to motivate, encourage  and make staff feel valued.

    right now, you need to take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for the challenges that life has presented to you.

    as far as the relationship goes - you will need to grief for the loss of your partner, it will take some time but this is part of the healing process. I know that it is hard to imagine right now, but in the future, you will be back to being your happy self and along that journey you may meet the most wonderful man you have ever known. 

    With tho regards to work - the work that you are handling must be managable within your allocated hours. If you are concerned about how you are being treated then you must raise this issue with HR. The other alternative is to start looking for a new job where you feel that your input and skill set would be valued. Forgive my bluntness here but life is too short for you to be working in a stressful environment - you need to weigh up the pro's and con's of your current job and decide if you have the energy to continue in your current role for the next year.  I know it's hard to dedicate the time to applying for new jobs, but you must look at it as you taking control and creating opportunities for yourself. Start thinking about your life one year from now and what steps you can take to make it happen.......

    you our say you feel really alone but you can reach out to everyone on this forum. If you have some close family, good friends and neighbours, then you may want to ask them for support. Having a good support network can be so helpful when you are feeling low - do not feel worried about asking for help if you need it. You may also want to consider counselling if you feel that things are too tough for you.

    the citalopram should help improve your mood in the coming weeks. 

    sending you a big hug

    sleepy crow xx

    • rachel83454
      rachel83454 The_sleepy_crow

      Posted

      Hi ,

      thank you for your reply, im struggling must admit.

      with refards to work, my manager is best buddies with the owner so i cant even complain to him,also we have no HR, im looking for another job desperatley, but im trying to build my confidence as it is rock bottom.

      i just broke down in my doctors, sobbing, felt silly really but couldnt help it.

      he offered to write me a sick note, but i declined, id rather stick it out until i find something else.

      as i said to Loxie, the ex was cheating on me, behind my back, this has been terrible,  he has even moved in with her.

      im hoping the tablets will help my anxiety, i took one yesterday, and one today,feel more tired than usual, but still feel depressed. Doc said give it two to three weeks,

      thank you so much for all your support on here,

      hugs to you all xxxxxxxxx Rachel.

    • The_sleepy_crow
      The_sleepy_crow rachel83454

      Posted

      Dear Rachel

      you weren't being silly when you cried at the doctor's - we have all done it. Our GP's are always sympathetic when they see their patient's distressed. Like what one of the earlier replies said, you have done the right thing by approaching your GP and asking for help.

      the citalopram will help take the edge off your anxiety. Your GP is right to say that it might take a couple of weeks before you feel a bit better. Citalopram works by increasing the serotonin in your brain and this will help lift your mood. Stick with the citalopram for a while.

      I'm glad that you are looking for a new job - something will turn up for you. Just remember that this is a phase in your life and there are happier times ahead. As the saying goes, 'whatever doesn't kill us, can only make as stronger'.

      when we are anxious, we really under estimate our ability to cope but in truth, we are actually much stronger than we think. Always remember that.

      As for your ex, he is a selfish git and he doesn't deserve you. You deserve to be with a kind, caring man who wants to make you happy. He is out there and I'm sure your paths will cross in the not too distant future.

      you take good care of yourself Rachel.

      sleepy crow xx

    • The_sleepy_crow
      The_sleepy_crow rachel83454

      Posted

      Sleepy crow again!

      just to clarify a point that was written poorly in that last communication from myself 

      - i mean't to say that you should start noticing a difference in your mood within the next 2-3 weeks - I think you will have more energy and will feel more upbeat.

      the other thing good for improving our mood is dark chocolate - anything with 70% cocoa and upwards is perfect smile

        

    • rachel83454
      rachel83454 The_sleepy_crow

      Posted

      Hi Hun

      Kept myself busy again today,felt ok until 5ish then started to feel low again.i have started taking 20mg daily of these tabs, doyou think these will kick in soon?

      hope youare feelingoktoday, have you kept yourself busy?xxxxxxxxx

    • loxie
      loxie rachel83454

      Posted

      Hi Rachel hope you're doing ok.  Important thing to remember is that citalopram works on your seratonin levels, they won't suddenly 'kick in' and all will be perfect.  What will happen is that you slowly and gradually, often without noticing, find that you're a little calmer bit by bit.   The rawness of your feelings will even out.  They won't mask or numb the feelings but they will change the body's response to stress and anxiety to hopefully a point where it reacts 'normally' to stresses and trauma and enable you to cope with it without it overwhelming you.  They aren't a magic cure, you'll still need to draw on your own resources in various situations but hopefully you will steadily find you have greater ability to do this as the cit adjusts your seratonin.  Taking cit will help you find your own strength to get out and do stuff that makes you feel better, something that we find impossible when overwhelmed by anxiety and the grief of a breakup etc.  It won't suddenly hit you and be perfect overnight, it will however become a little better every day.
  • loxie
    loxie rachel83454

    Posted

    However hard it is for you - and it will be impossibly hard - please do NOT get back in contact with your ex - there will be of only two outcomes - either he will treat you like a bothersome insect and try brushing you away, which will make you feel even worse than you do already, or alternatively you'll see him again which will keep the wounds open and won't let you move on which you have to in order to 'heal'.  If he double crossed you and lied to you once, believe me he would again and you'll go through all the hurt all over again making it far far worse.  The way you're hurting now WILL get better but only if you shut the door on the past and concentrate hard on a [u]better[/u] future - it's out there but it takes a while to find it is all.  We on this forum are here for you and we more than most understand the total panic you're probably feeling right now.  Just trust us - it most certainly WILL get better even though presently it doesnt seem so. xxxx
    • rachel83454
      rachel83454 loxie

      Posted

      Hi Loxie

      I have tried keeping busy all weekend, been for long walks, took my daughter out,i will not be getting in touch with him becase i know if i did he would make me feel hurrendous , he would twist the break up all onme and make me feel terrible.so im keeping well away, i feel bad tonight, lump in my throat- i have been off work all week , but going back tuesday, dreading it as im having issues there with my manager, shes hateful , seriously looking for another job, just trying to build up my confidence at the moment, hoping the tablets kick in soon. started on 20mg daily, been taking them since Thursday last week so fingers crossed. xxxxxxxxxxxx hope you are ok

  • carol87925
    carol87925 rachel83454

    Posted

    Rachel your situation totally fits mine a few years ago.  I know the pain & actual physical effects you're going through. It's a deep sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach.  I had just got promoted at work, had to train for a new job while dying inside , breaking down crying, didn't have a supportive boss, it was a nightmare time for me.  I know it's easy to say & hard to believe at this time but it WILL get better for you. Time passing is your best friend even going 2 weeks no contact shows you are a strong person.

    I'll be thinking of you & I know you can get through this

    • rachel83454
      rachel83454 carol87925

      Posted

      Thank you carol, trying to remain strong. my manager is hateful, puts me down , makes me feel low, and its hard especially as im going through hell at the moment.

      I do feel good however for going 2 weeks with no contact, im determined not to get in touch with him, he will make me feel 1000 times worse, not going to lower myself. hope work is ok for you now.

      my daugher starts high school on tuesday so trying to focus on this rather than my horrible ex.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • carol87925
      carol87925 rachel83454

      Posted

      Rachel you never know what the future will bring. This guy might come crawling back never know. Grass isn't always greener smile that would be a awesome outcome & then it would be your decision what you want to do.

      Anyway keep up your strength I think you're doing great!!!

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