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Depression

Posted , 9 users are following.

steven43881
steven43881

I feel like I don't belong in the world anymore. I had surgery 6 years ago that altered my prostate forever. Now I can't perform the functions that I used to always enjoy as a man. When I look around at the world, I see a strange world in which I am no longer a part of anymore. It makes me wonder if I belong. If there is forgiveness for making mistakes. Suicidal thoughts are always with me now. It's scary when I think of the things I may do to make my exit from this world. I just don't know if I can come back and be the person I used to be. DO I BELONG HERE ??? and AM I LOVED??? 

1 like, 31 replies

31 Replies

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  • deryl44443
    deryl44443 steven43881

    Posted

    Hello Steven,

    For a start we love you. You don't what if any meds you are on. I am a woman so I can't help you with the prostate problem but I am sure there are agencies/support groups out there who have experience in these matters. It could be that you have to find something to fill your life if only to take your mind off the prostate problems. I wonder if the more you fret about those the worse they are. I don't know, as I say, I hope a few blokes chip in and help you out. What I can say is most women would understand and support you with this - or am I being naive? - hope not. Either way, you very much belong in this world it just may be you have to find an alternative way of living in it. Take care x

  • jasmine7817
    jasmine7817 steven43881

    Posted

    Oh Steven...my heart goes out to you. Ill just get right to the point of what i pulled from your post. Are you struggling now with feeling your "manhood" has been diminished? If so, please dont feel that way. As Deryl suggested, there are in fact support groups and counseling available to help men who have underwent a prostatectomy/radiation. I run the cancer registry at the hospital i work at and there are MANY men who face the same struggles and depression regarding their loss of certain abilities following BPH/prostate cancer. I dont tell you that to discount your feelings, but i tell u that so u dont feel alone. I remember one gentleman in particular who was terrified of life following his prostate cancer bcuz he was 52 and had just recently married a 35-year old lady. He was convinced his wife would leave him. She didnt. They got counseling together and she said their relationship was even better than before as they realized there are so many more ways, than besides just the act of intercourse, to be intimate together. There are MANY women out there, including myself, who value closeness and love over sex. Please do NOT discount yourself for your loss of ability. Realize your other strengths and your qualities youve been given that others may not have. Trust me, just bcuz a man has the ability to walk around with an all-day erection, id take love and kindness over that any day of the week.

    • deryl44443
      deryl44443 jasmine7817

      Posted

      Hello Jasmine,

      Thanks for that you know so much more than me about this biut that is a great example and I really hope Steven draws some strength from your response

    • steven43881
      steven43881 deryl44443

      Posted

      Thank you so much, both. Yes, I don't feel like a man. I look around at other men and i say now that they can do something that I cannot anymore. Isn't that a mans purpose in life, to procreate.

        I pray for the strength not to take my life everynight. Have laid many nights wondering why I am still here. . I feel so worthless. In one second I had a life and in the next second I had none. A Dr. took it away from me. The surgery was TURP. I wish I never had it done. I wasn't given any options. Now it's over and I can never return to where I was before.

    • jasmine7817
      jasmine7817 steven43881

      Posted

      Steven I think a man's purpose in life is as he so desires. Things just arent always black and white. I immediately thought of myself and my husband when you said that... This is each of ours 2nd marriage. We have no kids together. Our "purpose" is to enjoy each other. We go camping, fishing, watch movies, etc. And hopefully this doesnt offend anyone by me being too blunt... I suffered with my own fear of rejection when we started dating. I contracted genital herpes back when i was 18 years old. I just "knew" he would not want to continue dating me once i opened up and told him. Ive always thought he is so attractive, he has a decent job, hes funny, why would he stay with me once he knew i had herpes i told myself. I braved it out and opened up to him about my herpes. His response? "Oh my gosh, i got scared for a minute, i thought you were breaking up with me!" I couldnt believe at the time someone like him would stay with me at the possibility of not having a normal sex life. But my husband is special, and u can find your someone special too Steven. Yes, you may have to actually put yourself out there, but the right lady will focus on what you do have to offer, and not what youre incapable of. The right lady will give you love and understanding and thats what you deserve.

    • steven43881
      steven43881 jasmine7817

      Posted

      Thank you so much for your post, jasmine. i do hope you read my post down below and realise what I am up against.

          Steve

    • eric7000
      eric7000 steven43881

      Posted

      I'm 35, and my problem is i just dont want to have sex majority of the time....Not that I cant, I dont have the will....What Im saying is  there is more to life and Im trying and doing more things that give me joy, like walking in the city historical district, walking in parks, biking in the city and parks. walking my dog....I still battle depression....but its getting better and is on pause when you are doing the things you enjoy...

      Over time, I think we all will get back on track....Life has a way of getting us there when its ready, not when we are ready....So we must put ourselfs out there to get there faster....You will get when you belong...

  • eman41297
    eman41297 steven43881

    Posted

    "THE BRAVEST THING I EVER DID WAS CONTINUING MY LIFE WHEN I WANTED TO DIE" -JULLIETTE LEWIS

    what happened when u just make ur way to death,commit sucide???

    u will not be happy then... all u need to do is to be happy...when u r happy..u want to consider things from a different angle... do u ever thought that u r intending to end ur life on nothing??? look around...u will find thousand of reasons that compell u to live... u r so blessed that u r not suffering from any painful disease,that make u suffer enough everyday that instead u want to be dead... pain is sometimes the worst thing that makes people to be dead instead of suffering it... u should be thankful that u r so healthy.. u r living a healthy life,free of pain... yess i agree that u have suffered..nd in that suffering u lost soomething but u gained something tooo... u gain ur life.. nd do you know why??? because i am sure that there is someone whose prayers saved u from that pain...

     

  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 steven43881

    Posted

    steven there are women out there...that would be ok...with never having sex...I know a few of them....I suggest...putting yourself out there on a dating site and once you start talking to some women be up front about your medical condition.  

    Women are more hurt when decieved....this happened to me....I went with man (I had a very traumatic domestic relationship prior to meeting this man..and could have cared less if I EVER had sex again).

    I told this man when I met him...my situation and I felt "less than" like you...I said I don't think I could ever have sex...and then You would want to move on.....he NEVER told me his problem...with erectile dysfunction.

    He never told me that he had to take medication to achieve an erection to have sex...and this medication made him ill...I found the medication when he moved in with me and asked about it.

    Here I was for almost 2 years...having sex..which I thought i was pleasing him....and he was having sex...thinking he was pleasing me.

    Sex is not all it is cut out to be...possibly when you are younger it is.

    And you don't need a "damaged" female...like me that has bad reasons for not wanting sex...there are other people that just don't want to have sex...I know some...

    YES, it is a big life change for you..but don't let that define WHO you are...the man I was with was a gentle...loving...kind man....

    I could spend time with someone without having sex..and love that person...and someone can love you too.

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 steven43881

    Posted

    Hi missy. What a beautiful and thoughtful reply to Steven...you have a good heart....

    Steven, all these people oh here are right....MY husband had prostate cancer many years ago....on the hormone treatment ( 12 months ) he was completely impotent....after his radiotherapy treatment, he still has had a severe problem for many years....he was much more upset than I was...I just want him to be healthy....

    Steven, many women would love you for yourself...and your problem is much, much more common than you think....please. please do not feel any less than you were before....also, a support group is a very good idea...take care ...hugs for you...dee xxx

    • steven43881
      steven43881 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Oh my dear friends, thank you so much. I must talk about this. I have been depressed for so long. There are two things you must know.

       (1) I have a condition called chronic prostatitis. I have had this for a very long time. I have been to Dr. after Dr. There is no known cure. The prostate gland gets infected somehow with a bacteria and once it gets into the prostate walls it is very hard to get rid of it. It is very panful. So you see eman I am in pain. It is with me day and night. I just wish I could find the answer so that I may once again have my life back. How I wish I could laugh again. I am now trying pelvic floor physical therapy. I will continue searching for answers until I am rid of this dreadful condition. My urologist is trying to work with me, but even he does not know what to do about it. He says there just isn't enough know about it. If you look it up online you will find much out about it, but no know cures as to how to rid the patient of it, It cannot be transmitted to a partner sexually because it affects the male prostate gland and pelvic muscles and is non-contagious.

                         and

       (2) and this is embarrassing. I had a Turp done. That is a coring out of the prostate. I get normal erections, but have dry orgasms. That is where my ejaculations take the path of least resistence and travel up into and out of the bladder upon urination. No more wet climaxs like NORMAL men. The semen does not come out of my urethra but travels up into the bladder where it comes out upon normal urination.

        I feel like such a freak. I don't understand why a woman would even want to look at me. This of course leads to infertility, but at my age I really don't want anymore children anyway; but I would like to know that at least i could. So you see, that is my story. I have carried this around with me for many years, but now it is getting to the point where I just can't stand to be around myself anymore. Oh my friends, please stay with me and help me. I need friends so very badly. I have shut myself off from other people and have spent time lately all by myself. This is not like me at all. I LOVE people and want so very much to be a part of life again. Sometimes the pain and discomfort can be vey bad. I hope I have not turned anyone off, I didn't mean to. The lonliness I feel can be very real and that's why these feelings go through my head. I want so much to be a normal guy again and have those wonderful normal feelings again. Can that be possible for me?

        You are all such wonderful ladies opening up to me the way you did. I feel like I am a really nice guy and could give something special to someone if only I could forgive myself for what has been done to me. I need to feel like I am just like any other guy on earth. I have so much to give someone, but am so embarrased to tell her my condition. Will you all PLEASE help me? I need your support so very badly. Am tired of going to bed nights feeling so depressed.  

                   Steve

    • steven43881
      steven43881

      Posted

      Please someone, answer me !!     Steve
    • eman41297
      eman41297 steven43881

      Posted

      i am so sorry if in any way i hurt ur feelings..!!! i really didnot want to hurt u.. i just dont know what u have been through... nd nor u told..i just mistook ur conditions..sorry again..

      i just wanna say that may be u feel helpless about ur disease..but u can do smthng to be happy..i want to tell u that may be at this stage all u r thinking is about to be normal again(reffering to ur sex life) but this is not smthng important enough  where u just stuck ur self up... u can do much better with ur life if u want to.. if u r interested in getting normal..than tell me..i have a list of things that will surely help u smile

    • steven43881
      steven43881 eman41297

      Posted

      Thank you, eman. I would be interested VERY much    Steve
    • eman41297
      eman41297 steven43881

      Posted

      thank u for giving me another chance to help u...look i dont know about ur age nd i dont know that whether u were talking about physical pain or emotional pain.....i cannot help u out with physical pain now cox its my first year in mbbs nd i dont know much but i do help u out to get rid of ur emotional stress nd pain... but before i enlist the measures which u can take to be happy there is smthng u should know...

      u r not alone in ur suffering..everyone...each of us is suffering in our own way....only the suffering or its way is changed..before u begin to take the following measures u have to make up ur mind that u have to be normal...u have to get rid of sucidal thoughts...help urself to get closer to what u truly were nd what u have become now... u have to beleive in ur self that u can do it...it will only work nd help u when u wants to help ur self.. have faith nd keep trying..

      okay..lets begin..

      -wake up early..like at 5:00(when rest of the world is sleeping)go in nearby park...just breath the fresh air as much as u can(it will help u to relax ur soul)breath slowly...walk on the grass with bare feet...try to feel the releif..try to feel nature...(on returning home..wash ur feet with warm or cold water depending upon weather...have some healthy breakfast..

      -now i dont know whether u r interested in plantation or not..but plant something...nd wait when its finally germinate...watch ur tiny plantation grow every day...u will feel goood

      -try to spend most of ur time with kids...u can go to any orphanage..kids help us to releif our tensions... make them happy..if u can manage..pay them a visit every day...they will  teach u how to live...

      -spend ur weekened with ue family or frnds or someone who make u feel special... (when u do so...cook smthng for them...nd take their comments....it will help u to be normal)

      -every day try to help someone... try to bring smile on someone's face..

      -if u don't..than have a pet.. whether cat  or puppy..they will make u feel that u r loved by someone

      -last but not the least try to learn smthng new every day.. my mother says that each day brings us a lesson..sometimes we learn it but sometimess we r  too busy in our life that we dont even concentrate...

      i discussed ur matter with my teacher... he helped me that how can i help u...whether u try or not its up to u but atleast u shouldnot give up without even trying... it will for sure help u.. all depends on u now..

      dont forget to write every day that what u learn...:P

       

    • eman41297
      eman41297

      Posted

      -also when u have sucidal thoughts in ur mind just write them all on a paper..nd read them when u r in good moood..u will find them nothing but some stupid thoughts nd u will definitely either tear it apart or burn it away in the end.. also make habbit of keeping a journal...write all ur  good feelings,ur thoughts..u can read them as well when u get stupid ideas in ur mind... GOOD LUCK..!!

       

    • steven43881
      steven43881 eman41297

      Posted

      Thanks eman-- I will try these measures. I have to go to p/t today so will probably get back with you tomorrow. I feel funny down in my groin area. A feeling that something isn't right down there, lots and lots of spasms. That's when bad feelings start entering my head.  Steve 

    • steven43881
      steven43881 eman41297

      Posted

      Hi eman,    Still have these feelings like I shouldn't be here. Could this be scar tissue/ No Dr. seems to want to help !!! Steve  

    • eman41297
      eman41297 steven43881

      Posted

      i  donot understand what u just said... what type of feelings? what do u mean by LIKE I SHOULDNOT BE HERE??? did u start to follow the measures??? trust me just desperately do what i have said just for one month with ur own will... u will feel better.. just donot give up over ur self...
    • steven43881
      steven43881 eman41297

      Posted

      I feel like I was wronged by this Dr. There is nothing I can do about it. The statute of limitations is up. Can do nothing about the pain or lack of normal orgasms. I am sorry. I will try. Still can't get rid of the feelings of hoplessness. Life seems so cruel. Another night of going to sleep feeling awful. !!!    Steve

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