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Hi to make a v long story short I suffered woth depression around 6 years ago when I had a massive change to my life happen it took me over two years to get better with out medication from drs although they prescribed them I would not take with fear Id become addicted and kill myself, I don't bad things in my depression like turn to another man for support as my partner did not know how to help me and spent most of his hours at work then in the pub, this affair went on for around 5 months the man knew my whole situation and decided to blackmail me when I decided to end things but I was that depressed I couldn't care less and ended it and took the chance never heard from him again, I started to feel better two years later then a close family member killed them selves and through us all off , I was ovbiosley sad by this but had to support my mum more , then a year later my pet dies and I was mortified it put me right back into depression the only thing that kept me alive was the fact I was pregnant , I have spent the last 3 years plodding on and mostly happy with my child and me and my partner have managed to stay together ??he dosnt know anything but did ask once if I had cheated , we are kind of stable and happy but I feel so depressed again like something is brewing up I don't know if depression can do this or it's just guilt I don't like my self I feel every one would be better with out me I don't want ppl feeling sorry for me because I feel I have created my life's mess I just sometimes wish I didn't have to carry on living , but then I think of the child that needs me and the mum and close family who ?love me, I feel I constantley want ppl with me I moan when my partner is not in and I constantley txt him I don't know why insted of going out and having fun somedays I do go out but other ?Days I just ??carnt like today, worth mentioning - the other day I was out and I seen someone I knew along time ago she looked at me and warned me off, this person had ties with the man involved at the beginning (the affair) ?he always said he was single then I found out he wernt and called it all off but that woman wernt the gf it was a different girl who I didn't know , seems he has had two gfs then me for her to know anythink he's been saying stuff about me this was 7 years ago so why is it coming out now,? I feel im going to tip over the edge with this one I want to go and confront them ??an tell them straight he's the lier but afraid what it may bring
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