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depression

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gary78460
gary78460

i read alot about people wanting to kill themselves and dont want to be here any more but does anyone feel like they are dieing all the time and do want to be here and scared of dieing,death is what started all my symtoms off and even tho im a lot better than i was it still eats me up abit,mornings are a killer but by tea time im ok till the morning again were it all starts again

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • Dr.D
    Dr.D gary78460

    Posted

    hi gary,

    as of my own experience when i was having thoughts of suicide or i'd be better off dead this was mainly because i wanted the suffering to end as i thought i could not bear it anylonger. but i know that's not really what i want, i just wanted the suffering to end. then as soon as i got relieve whether it's from meds or it lifted itself i no longer felt like i wanted to die. yet i had these feelings of like i was dieing internally, not due to a physical cause but like i was mentally dieing because of the pains i felt at that time and it could go on for days and there were triggers like when something reminded me of the horrors i had seen it could set it off and make me feel this world is so brutal and there is no way i'm ever going to have a joyful moment again in this life.

    what helped me was CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), so i could recognise that my conscious thoughts were not really helping me at all but bringing me more down and just because i had experienced a lot of s..t doesn't mean that the whole world is bad and that there is so much joy out there and it is up to me to experience it if i can accept that. now when these moments come up i try not to give in and remind me that this is only a one sided picture and does not represent the world in all its spectrum. at least this puts my mind at ease. and then there is all the unconscious stuff which i can't really control because it's of course in my unconscious mind and this is what's most difficult because i have little to no control over it. i try to work this out with psychoanalysis and meditation.

    i don't know about you but for me it is important to understand why i'm feeling the way i do so i can get conscious about my beliefs thus am able to decide whether it's what i want or not.

    there is also a technique called defusing, it works the way that you consciously think about what's bothering you for as long as the bothering feelings subside and you don't feel irritated by it anymore. this is especially helpful with concrete stuff such as a specific situation.

    what do you think you feel that way? are you afraid of the dieing itself or the fact that life is not endless?

    regards,

    d

    • gary78460
      gary78460 Dr.D

      Posted

      thanks for replying and what you wrotr does make sense,i dont think its the actual dieing that bothers me as im fairly educated and i understand the mechanics of life and death,i think its dieing before i get old,like grand parent or great grand parent,i think when you hear news all the time that so so died he was only 30 and someone else died and they were young,so when i hear it it makes me think that i could go just like that which causes a bit of a depressive state for me untill i forget about it,like today has been a good day,been a few weeks since ive actualy felt happy and i like being happy but then the gloom comes and i think about my friend death again which gets me morbid then there we go again stuck in a morbid rut
  • Adldiane
    Adldiane gary78460

    Posted

    Hello Gary no I do not think about death and dying. It sounds to me like you are very depressed and need some counseling and some antidepressants. Have you called your GP to let him know how you are feeling as I think that is a good place for you to start. Will you do that and write us back. On our website you can contact the Samaritans and they will listen to you and try to help you! They are very kind. Write back. Diane
    • gary78460
      gary78460 Adldiane

      Posted

      im on anti depressants have been for a few years,and proponol for my anixerty,tryed cbt and all they said was i was frieving for a dog that had died the year before lol yes ok ,i dont think about dying all the time now i was asking if anyone else thinks like this,thank for your quick reply and the samaritians do a great job and there under rated.hope you are well and thanks again
  • borderriever
    borderriever gary78460

    Posted

    Gary

    We are all dying the only thing about that is we never know when the Grim Reaper will call so we live our lives to its full extent and try and enjoy everything we do. Although everyone suffers negative feelings every so often.

    Peoples mornings especially when they need to go to work can have negative feelings. We generally feel better as the day becomes older

    If you feel suicidal call the NHS Information Line on Tel 111 and explain what you are considering.

    Your feelings are normal so stop worrying.

    If the need arises we are here to help

    BOB

     

    • gary78460
      gary78460 borderriever

      Posted

      im not suicidal as that means death and thats the thing that helps my depression along,i dont want to live for ever as thats not possible and i get that i really do but i want to live till old age like how it should be but thats were i get to and get depressed,i do get out of it but its somthing that creeps up alot and causes my propblems or thats what i think does

       

    • borderriever
      borderriever gary78460

      Posted

      Gary

      At this time I am having appointments for CBT and my CPN asks me every time He sees me if I am in any danger of taking My Life, just because I attempted suicide many years ago. I have even lost the trust of my Wife who now looks after all my medications. 

      Now at sixty seven I am resigned to my life and health conditions. If you feel the words come into your throat and you are determined to live your life to the end, fine, if you are discussing suicide in your mind and it is forming into a habit, just a thought, talk to your GP. To thin about it on a regular basis is as mentioned above habit forming. You need to stop this negative though as that in itself will make you depressed.

      Personally stop worrying regards death you have a long time hopefully where you can learn and experience life to the full. In my life now even when I am depressed I look for new diversions and ways to educate myself. Most of the reasons we are here is to learn and most depressions and anxiety has no place in a life that wants the experience life in its entirety. 

      Live the Dream not the Nightmare

      BOB

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 gary78460

    Posted

    Hi Gary - sorry to read of your situation. Yes, i often think about death - but not in terms of finality and loss. Since my teens I have studied near death experiences and was a nurse in palliative care for several years. Also looked at religion. Death happens around us all the time. If you feel up to it, have a look at the stories of NDE survivors. I think you will find it reassuring to know that it is not an end but a transition.
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