Depression and anxiety (18 years old)

About almost 2 months ago my boyfriend and I had a problem that caused hurt and pain for both us. The two days after this problem, I was very hurt, anxious and could not stop thinking and talking to people about what happened (you could say I was obsessed). What happened had to do with him talking to someone which he kind of flirted with but then stopped and blocked. The thing is, I was the person he was talking to because I had made a fake account. He apologized and we got better. However, during those two days I over thought about everything a lot and doubts about my love came up. After these two days, i fell into a deep depression and was very hurt and i had the lowest points ive ever had in my life. I felt scared and cried multiple times a day. In this time period, I began to search up things about my relationship, my mental health, and basically anything or any questions that popped into my mind. Thinking about the past hurt and I was so unsure about what the future looked like. This deep depressive episode lasted for about two weeks and I didn't know what was wrong with me. Being so young, this is all extremely scary and I don't believe i deserve to feel like this. Throughout those two weeks my boyfriend also supported me hugely and allowed me to lean on him. He took me out for walks, fed me, supported me. One day during my "depressive episode" (i don't know what to call it), i went out on a walk with him and looked at the sky and realized that it didn't look real. I panicked and when we got home i started crying uncontrollably. Also, during those days i felt SO numb and empty and didn't feel any kind of love. This was all extremely hard considering that I'm such a positive, outgoing person. Then after these two weeks, I felt some kind of change like something had been lifted a little bit but i still felt really bad and sad and anxious. When my birthday came and i went out for dinner with my family and boyfriend, i kind of felt better and then as soon as i got home i got sad again. I've had really bad panic attacks that take energy out of me and everything comes crashing down. Ive been open with my boyfriend about how ive been feeling but he keeps having moments where he gets really mad and upset because of the things that ive sad to him that i didn't mean because i cant think rationally. Im still constantly thinking about everything and it feels like my boyfriend hates me , even though im sure that is not true but it hurts. When we have moments where we disagree and he gets upset I get super hurt and go crazy and cry and scream by myself but we almost always get over it but i feel like its chipping away out our relationship. He understands and tries to help me by telling me to be positive but i get wrapped up in my thoughts and start explaining everything and repeating myself. I feel crazy and dissociated and scared. Sunsets dont look real and scare me. I also keep looking everything up to reassure me that it'll all be okay and i finally got a therapist after almost two months and she told me im having acute symptoms of anxiety and depression. That made me really sad because i dont want to have depression and anxiety. I also feel like i waited too long to go to a therapist and i feel like im going to lose my partner even though i would never let that happen and the thought of losing him or breaking up with him disgusts me. I just want to go back to feeling free and not worrying about everything and being strong. I also want to go back to to having that close, vulnerable relationship because i know i love my boyfriend but i always have this feeling that something is wrong. Also idk if this helps but when i was little my dad divorced my mom in a really bad way and i dont think i ever full recovered because i just put it to the side. I just feel so weird and the fact that my mind is doing all of this makes me feel crazy, unreal and uncomfortable. I have hope that everything will be ok but at the same time im just so uncomfortable right now. I feel like ive left out a million things in this and im sorry for the length but i really hope someone can help.

Thank you

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