Depression and Anxiety

Posted , 36 users are following.

HI, this is the 1st time i have basically reached out for help. I'm a very private and frustratingly stubborn person. But i desperately need help. I have a serious case of Depression and Anxiety. Saw a GP a few weeks back. Diagnosed me with his handy little checklist and gave me a stress relief booklet and sent me on my way. Even after sharing that suicide is on my mind everyday.

I'm 23, unemployed, still staying at home with my mother and have had Depression for the larger part of my life. Though my family don't know about the Depression and Anxiety. Won't be telling them.

I have been looking for help for months but things take too long. Plus i have limited internet access and can't phone any specialists in fear of my family finding out.

I hate to admit it but i'm scared. I don't know how to move forward. I don't know how to even live my life.

I've had a rough and confusing childhood and painful teens. Not the worst, but bad enough to mess me up this bad.

10 likes, 52 replies

Report / Delete

52 Replies

Prev Next
  • Posted

    Please tell your family how you feel, ask one of them to go to the docs with you, then the doctor will have to take it more seriously

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Depression is a mental illness and people deal with it in many different ways. Some people think 'why me?', others are too embarrased to mention it to family and friends. Speaking from experience the worst thing you can do is bottle up your feelings as this only makes things worse.

    If you can't talk to your family about it and frankly i couldn't at first then find a trusted friend or relative you can confide in.

    I found an excellent counsellor privately who charges £35 an hour (have been to see her today actually as i'm going through a traumatic time). Its such a release to talk to a professional about anything and everything that is troubling you. The NHS can arrange counselling if money is a problem and thats how i started my route to hopefully recovering. I am a shy and stubborn person too and it took great courage and effort to take that 1st step into seeking professional help - you can do that too.

    I too had the suicidal thoughts not helped by the fact i live not far from a well known beauty spot which i have visited on a few occasions. The thought of ending it all scared me and fortunately since starting the meds (fluoxetine ie prozac) in my case it has taken the edge off those horrible thoughts for most of the time.

    I really think you need to see a different GP and just mentioning suicidal thoughts should ring alarm bells with them.

    I'm glad i didn't carry out my feelings at that time as it would have devestated my family. There is hope although you may not see it at the moment. Trust me - things can improve with the right treatment. I've been on this drug for over 4 years now and its a means to an end and really helps to curb those destructive emotions.

    Good luck and best wishes. We are always here if you wish to air any concerns you may have.

    MP

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi. Not really sure what to say to be honest. I have been reading the posts and i really do appreciate all the advice people have taken the time to type out for me.

    7 months from my 1st post and i feel worse to be honest. I am getting worse and it depresses me to see how much time has passed already and nothing has happened really. I'm literally wasting my own life.

    On friday i saw a Therapist and basically it was her asking questions and taking notes. I have another appointment in 3 weeks. I left feeling really iffy about it. Can't describe it. Just empty. Like it never happened. I will go to my next appointment but i can't say i'm feeling good about it. I hate talking about myself to people but all i did was share my past. I barely scratched the surface and will have to keep doing it.

    I was seeing another specialist for a while to try and help me. But it didn't seem like she really understood how i was feeling. I keep hearing "things can't get worse", "what's the alternative". They really don't know.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I know how bad things can get. I think about it regularly. But it seems like most people just don't understand.

    I would like to ask a question and i'm hoping to get an answer that might help me. I think about suicide on a regular basis. I still feel lifeless and numb. I see no future for myself. I don't feel as scared now to take my own life. My mind is set on dying. It has been for about a year or 2 now. I just needed the fear to set aside. No advice is setting it. Its advice relating on living when i want the opposite.

    How can you save someone who wants to die?

    I was talking to my mother a week back and i was asking about my uncles who killed themselves through depression. Looking for information on why they did it. I still don't understand. But my mum isn't stupid. She knew why i was asking. Has anyone ever had to witness as they hurt they're own mother by admitting they want to die? She had tears running down her face as she shakily talks to me trying to stop herself from belting out in tears.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I did that to her. I can't help how i feel. But that has been haunting me. I really don't want to hurt her by ending my own life. But i really don't want to suffer being alive anymore just so others can avoid that pain. I don't know what to do.

    I turned 24 recently and when i was at high school i used to always say that i would die when i was 19. Whats funny is that i haven't felt alive since i turned 19.

    I have been reading alot of other peoples posts and reading how they are suffering. Especially the younger people who are trying to reach out. I breaks my heart. I can relate to all of them. It annoys me that i can't help them. I really wish i could. If i could take they're pain away and shoulder it myself, i honestly wouldn't need to think about it. I'm not the nicest guy in the world. But i do care. No-one should have to feel the way they do. Or i do.

    Thanks for listening.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Micheal, are you still there?

      I am sorry to hear that you feel this way. I have no magical solutions, only faith in Jesus Christ and I would like to take the liberty to pray for you right now:

      Father I pray in Jesus name that you break the chains of depression in Micheals life and deliver him from the grip of death. Show him eternal life and Joy to the glory of your name. I beleive You will do this in his life. Amen.

      I look forward to hearing that you are well.

       

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi therre i was just like you and its taken me a while but more good days than bad now but my bad days are bad ones i belong now to anxiety centre .com i think its american but i can assure you you will find every answer there that you want silly thoughts stupid moments and so on brilliant web site very safe and its not much to join please give it a go im can assure you it works god bless
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    hi micheal, you have made good steps in going to your g.p for help and putting your feeling on here, i myself are a lot older than you and suffer from depression, i think the first thing you should do is go back to your g.p and be firm and insist that you need treatment, tell him/her about your family history of the illness, you cannot fight this alone, youre so young and you need help, i.e antidepressants and some counciling, i am the same under a very dark cloud and you think youre the only one going through it, i also think you should tell your family, a problem shared is like a bit of a weight of your shoulders, i think that the fact your not working must play a big part of how you feel, try and get out of the house as much as possible, fresh air and excersize are good for you and walking is free, dont suffer in silence, go back to the doctors. take car and the only way is up.
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Michael. Can I say, firstly, you're not alone. I felt suicidal and messed up in my early twenties.

    I got help two ways: 1. by getting some counselling and 2. by getting to a 12 step meeting and the one I went to was Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families but there are lots of them around; look on the web and you may see one that rings beels for you. They are cheap (donation only), anonymous and everyhwere. I lived in London at the time so it was easy to find them. They gave me the starting point for a better life and I felt less lonely because other people knew how I felt. smile

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi,

    Really sorry to here you feel no better. At least ur seeking out some help, I hope therapy will help you.

    It takes time to get better, so please dont give up. Is there anyone one else in your family you can talk too. Know how you feel a little with finding it hard to live your life. It comes so easy to some people. Never really has done for me even when Im not depressed. It doesnt matter how old you are when you finally get your live together, its not a race.

    Try all the basic things for beting this illness, like lots of exercise, drinking water, fish oils, and I heard something about handling mud being good for depression, I dont really understand it but found it on the internet when I was trying everything to get better myself. You never know something might work. When you get better your be glad you didnt end things.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    thank you for your replies, today thursday i feel so messed up! i feel like im trapped in a bubble , i feel so lonely, tearfull and dont want to face anyone, when my family are around i have to act as normal as i can as i dont want to put any worries on them, they know im depressed , i have to walk out of the room and wheep as i dont want them worrying , depression is a serious illness, its very difficult to think positive when your on a low, i am going to try and think positive and will look up the mud therapy, thank you for you help and advice.,
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    hi, ive skimmed throuhg all these comments, go back to your doctors and request a full blood test i felt depressed anxious and very low, tearful, was prescribed tablets for depression, however my blood tests came back saying i had low folic acid which can cause depression, and all the symtoms with depression, i'm now taking a high does of folic acid tablets and eating food that contains folic acid and all depression feeling have gone and feeling my usual self.
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    HI Michael, i want to ask you a question or two or at least ask yourself TRUTHFULLY.

    WHY DO YOU WANT TO DIE? FOR WHAT REASONS?

    WHAT MAKES YOU UNHAPPY WITH LIFE?

    WHY HAVE YOU NOT DONE IT BY NOW?

    WHAT KEEPS YOU FROM DOING IT? FEAR? FEAR IS THE GOOD THAT COMES OUT OF IT. ITS SAVING YOU. JUST LEARN TO CONTROL IT.

    I WAS SUICIDAL, I CAME THROUGH THAT TUNNEL, I SAW LIGHT AT THE END OF IT. IT GAVE ME HOPE, AND NOW, ALTHOUGH I AM STILL ON MY MEDS FOR LIFE, I TELL MYSELF 'I DONT WHAT TO GO BACK AND RE-EXPERIENCE WHAT I DID EXPERIENCE.

    DONT KEEP LOOKING AT THE PAST, LOOK TO THE FUTURE.

    MAYBE LIVING AT HOME WITH PARENTS IS THE PROBLEM, TRY TO BE INDEPENDENT AND MOVE OUT ON YOUR OWN TO ENJOY THE FREEDOM AND INDEPENDENCE.

    I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH PARANOID SCHITZOPHRENIA AND DEPRESSION WITH 2 YEARS RUNNING AROUND TOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, I WAS THINKING THE DEVIL WAS HOUNDING ME, OR GOD WAS PUNISHING ME AND WANTED ME TO PUT RIGHT ALL THE THINGS I DID WRONG IN MY LIFE. THE FEAR WAS INCREDABLE, I WENT TO WORK ON TUBE, I COULD HAVE DONE IT THAT WAY, I THOUGHT OF MANY WAYS I COULD HAVE DONE IT.

    BUT THE FACT REMAINED: WHY HAD I NOT DONE IT ALREADY.

    THINK OF THE SUFFERING TO YOURSELF, AND FAMILY MEMBERS WILL GO THROUGH.

    SEEK HELP QUICKLY, YOUR TOWN/BOROUGH SHOULD HAVE A MENTAL HEALTH DEPARTMENT , LOOK ON LINE, YOU MIGHT FIND IT. GET SUPPORT IMMEDIATELY, I DID NOT SEE MANY OF MY SYMPTOMS, MY FAMILY DID. THEY HAD TO HAVE ME SECTIONED FOR A MONTH, BUT I WILL NEVER FORGET THE EXPERIENCE OF HALLUCINATING, HEARING VOICES,

    KEEP A DIARY OF YOUR MOOD SWINGS, IT COULD BE BI-POLAR.

    AND WHAT YOU EAT

    IT COULD HAVE A REACTION.

    TRYING CONTACTING 'M.I.N.D.' THEY HAVE A COUNSELLING SERVICE - ITS FREE, OR IF YOU GO TO YOUR A.& E. SAY YOU SUFFER FROM MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE AND NEED TO SEE SOMEONE, YOU MAY HAVE TO WAIT A WHILE, WHILST THEY FIND A COUNSELLOR OR PSYCHIATRIST.

    AND MAYBE IF YOU DONT KNOW ALREADY. IF YOU COMMIT SUICIDE YOU WILL BE BURIED IN UN-CONSECRATED GROUND - NON HOLY GROUND WITHOUT ABSOLUTION.

    I HOPE I HAVENT SAID SOMETHING I OUGHT NOT, JUST TRYING TO HELP. PLEASE TAKE CARE,

    KEEP YOURSELF OCCUPIED WITH THINGS YOU LIKE DOING RATHER THAN TO DWELL ON THE SITUATION, THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING!!!!!!

    BE GOOD! XXXXXX

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I should probably update people on whats happening now. Its been a while.

    In the past 2 months i have been going back to work (i volunteer) and i have been exercising more. I have also been seeing another therapist. Local. Still not on anti-depressants. My overall mood improved alot. I was enjoying my days. I was smiling more. I've been appreciating and enjoying the small things. The sun being the bigger part. You may have noticed me saying "I was"? Since last friday my mood dropped drastically out of the blue. Don't know why. I'm tired 24/7 and in a crappy mood. But i've not been letting it completely ruin my day. Fighting through. Even though its tough. I got out in the sun with a friend yesterday. Went for a big walk. Loved it. Got friction burn on the back of my leg from all the walking. Ripped the skin away. Painful. Had to bandage it up. But, still went to work today, got out on walks several times and even in pain i still managed to enjoy my day. Its those little things i'm trying to focus on.

    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up