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I'm a 23 year old woman working for a large organisation with a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and zero support from my manager and my team. I spend everyday in the office from 9-7 most nights working flat out and then I'll come home and open my laptop to finish the bits I didn't quite get done before the cleaner physically kicked me out of the office. I've reached my breaking point and I've finally fell into the pit of anxiety and depression that I know all too well. I've been diagnosed with mental health illnesses in the past so I know what my next steps are, but never in my life have I felt so disregarded and lonely.
I have tried to reach out to my line manager about how my workload is affecting me and he shrugs it off, I said to my colleagues that my work loads is too much and they tell me they can't help, I've told my fiance that I'm struggling and he tells me to be more organised, I can't talk to my mum because she lives far away and she'll just go into panic mode (I had a lengthy episode of depression at uni, ended in suicide attempt and a drinking problem) after everything that's happened previously and she'll probably have me sectioned, I've tried talking to a friend whos advice felt judgy and she spent most of the conversation comparing her issues to my own and telling me I need to get my s**t together basically. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do. I have even said out loud at my desk in the office (by accident as I thought I said it in my head) "I just wish I was dead" and my colleagues laughed it off. I feel like everyone thinks I'm joking when I try and tell them I'm really struggling. It's as if because I'm not having a sobbing meltdown in the middle of the office, I can't possibly be ill. To add insult to injury, I work for a company that specialises in care...
I'm so sick of hearing stock phrases like "you can only do what you can" or "don't worry about it, it's beyond your control" or my absolute favourite at the moment "you need to learn how to relax". I can't relax, I have people breathing down my neck 5 days a week, I can't just "not worry" as I have targets and deadlines to meet and I can't just "do what I can do" as I'm not even sure what the hell that even means! I'm so frustrated, I honestly just want to die.
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