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Depression, Anxiety amongst other things?

Posted , 3 users are following.

DanielRhysStone
DanielRhysStone

For as long as I can remember I've always been extremely unhappy / depressed (10 years, now aged 19). I've put it down to my anxiety and low self confidence and self worth but I have no way of changing this so my depression gets worse, in turn my anxiety gets worse and it's almost like a never ending spiral.

I was bullied all the way through school and into college, my best friend was the popular kid (friends for 16 years) so I was always in the group but never felt part of the group. I was beaten up, girls used to laugh at me. This one time, this girl came and spoke to me and tried befriending me and in the end it turns out it was all a joke and dare. This has all affected by confidence massively and I find it extremely difficult to trust people and talk to girls! This, then makes the depression worse.

I now have a decent friend group, however, I feel like I'm the lowest in the group, they usually do things without me but I do get invited out sometimes too. It's like I'm living in their shadow, we go out, they talk to people and have fun and I'm just there...

I work in job where I have to talk to customers sometimes and I do it because I have too - I guess knowing what I'm talking about makes it slightly easier but I always have this constant fear they're judging me, or other people are looking at me and I find it extremely hard to do.

Then when I'm out in public, I ALWAYS have the feeling people are laughing at me and talking about me, everywhere I go! I can't approach people on my own. If I ever approach someone (for the time, or group of people to chat or whatever) it's always when I'm with 2 or more friends but even then I find it difficult to talk and constantly fearing they're all laughing at me.

It's really effecting my life and I don't know where to turn. I have tried counselling after I cut my throat open - doctors made me go to a mental health clinic. I spoke to a lady so she could determine what treatment I would need. I recieved a letter in the post confirming details and everything that was on the letter was WRONG! She didn't pay attention to anything I said and so it put me off massively!

I don't know what else to do and fear I may attempt at taking my life again.. Someone... anyone! Help?! 

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • rachel1970
    rachel1970 DanielRhysStone

    Posted

    Hello Daniel, Im like you I think everyone is talking about me wherever I go and even in work they talk about other people behind their backs so they must be talking about me to,I have no confidence and low self-esteem, Ive had so many jobs because I get the feeling people are talking about me ,I have had depression on and off since the age of 15 Im now 43 but in those times Ive had lots of happy times too , you will get the right support,does your family support you? as my family are a great support for me . I can support you on here if you want to talk more.
  • richard89308
    richard89308 DanielRhysStone

    Posted

    sorry to hear your story Daniel.  It must have been hell enduring all that ridicule. Ending it isn't worth it though because no matter how bad you feel your situation can only improve - with counselling in relationships and confidence issues. You are still young and you have still things to learn about life.  People can be cruell and they were because they spotted a shy person who lacked confidence. However there was no excuse for you to suffer in that way. Talk to someone experienced in your issues and you will feel miles better

    Richard

  • NickOliver
    NickOliver DanielRhysStone

    Posted

    I totally agree with richard that you might wish to ask, say, your doctor for counselling. You might wish to approach MIND directly. I can't remember whether you have to have a diagnosis of depression, but all GP's should have access to counselors - a counsellor in psychiatric terms is someone who listens to you in a non-judgemental way - they don't advise you.

    I am far past school age but school can be cruel, and your fellow pupils can be cruel, but they are also experiencing the pain of growing up so that they don't necessarily empathise in the way that older people do.

    Like myself you are probably an extremely sensitive person. You might find that you would like to do some voluntary work outside your paid work - say with old people - I do this - where a caring person wiho has to be sensitive is required.

    This is a way of saying that I am sure that this battle against others will stand you in good stead in life.

    I see that you have received counselling. I think that you should try this again, but this time you are asking for it, rather than having it foisted on  you.

    I hope this is of help - and there is all the Samaritans - they will talk to you at length - again they just listen you.

    If you wish to reply to this, I will only try to answer you - as I am sure will others.

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