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So, this is not something i would resort to (posting for advice online) but i feel like i had no where to turn. Before i get into detail i will give a small run down of my life right now.
I am a nursing student at the moment and i am on my winter break as i am currently typing this. I have been with my amazing boyfriend for 2 wonderful years and he knows about the problems i have.
I have been diagnosed with severe depressive disorder not to long about and it took two psychiatrists and counselors at different locations to figure it out. i been jumping from anti-depressants, to mood stabilizers since 2017.
The thoughts i have in my head give me terrible terrible anxiety, for instance "why is he with me" or "do i really love him and is this what i want for the rest of my life" when i lay with him thats when they start and it gets worse when he goes to work which he works night shift. he is fully aware of the thoughts i have. they have been on and off for a while since i found out the medicine that actually worked for me is on back order. the thought of actually listening to my thoughts makes me so sick to my stomach and makes me feel a HUGE weight on my chest. I am not sure what to do about these thoughts. I was told your heart is where you feel. not your head. and my heart knows i am happy with him but it seems m head tries to ruin things that make me happy which it targets my relationship.
He is everything i looked for in a guy. hes tall, i love his smile, his laugh, his personality. he even told my counselor even though i am a handful he loves me for me.
I feel terrible that he has to go through this with me but he always reassures me even after my anxiety makes me accuse him of stupid things.... i would not be on here if i was out of options on how to handle this... any advice will help...
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