depression, anxiety, and relationship

Posted , 5 users are following.

So, this is not something i would resort to (posting for advice online) but i feel like i had no where to turn. Before i get into detail i will give a small run down of my life right now.

I am a nursing student at the moment and i am on my winter break as i am currently typing this. I have been with my amazing boyfriend for 2 wonderful years and he knows about the problems i have.

I have been diagnosed with severe depressive disorder not to long about and it took two psychiatrists and counselors at different locations to figure it out. i been jumping from anti-depressants, to mood stabilizers since 2017.

The thoughts i have in my head give me terrible terrible anxiety, for instance "why is he with me" or "do i really love him and is this what i want for the rest of my life" when i lay with him thats when they start and it gets worse when he goes to work which he works night shift. he is fully aware of the thoughts i have. they have been on and off for a while since i found out the medicine that actually worked for me is on back order. the thought of actually listening to my thoughts makes me so sick to my stomach and makes me feel a HUGE weight on my chest. I am not sure what to do about these thoughts. I was told your heart is where you feel. not your head. and my heart knows i am happy with him but it seems m head tries to ruin things that make me happy which it targets my relationship.

He is everything i looked for in a guy. hes tall, i love his smile, his laugh, his personality. he even told my counselor even though i am a handful he loves me for me.

I feel terrible that he has to go through this with me but he always reassures me even after my anxiety makes me accuse him of stupid things.... i would not be on here if i was out of options on how to handle this... any advice will help...

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  • Posted

    Do you have panic attacks? Not meaning to add another label, theyre one of the few emotional indignities Im not graced with....but I DO identify with your feelings of being crushed, and afraid not knowing where to turn. I'm a happy person by birth, but have always been prone to obsessing, and worrying and it is a miserable circle. I Have nothing in my life but blessings, couldnt ask for better parents and friends. MY job is good, and physically I couldnt be healthier. But my mind has declared war on me...and its nothing short of crippling. Its emotional cancer...You sound like you have light peeking through the clouds with your boyfriend, and that relationship could be a big part of you shedding this once and for all. Ive tried the "Im an island" thing, and it just doesnt work like that...we need others. That connection you have is a great reason to fight, as well as shelter when things start crunching in. I know the angst, i know anything I say ( if youre anything like me) will be taken as rhetoric...and discarded. Im in the same boat with you, I understand the pain and fear. The best I can do is promise that it will get better, and that youre never alone, and people do care. Build on the relationship though, it sounds like its real. If like you say love him, and he you...why worry? Thats none of my business, just wanted to let you know someone was out there...Hope your holiday gets better, santas' coming, better days are coming.

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    • Posted

      yes i sadly get panic attacks... but i dont show them except that i cannot sit still theyre more or so in my head but its puts me at ease knowing people are there even when i never met them i know i have a looong way to go until this is under control but i thank you so s much for commenting back

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  • Posted

    Hi, relax. You are putting too much weight on your thoughts. I don't think there is anyone in any relationship who doesn't wonder if they are with the right person or not. This is completely normal as none of us are computers but living human beings with all our frailties and faults. The brain is a very complex organ and will think all sorts of strange and weird things and there is nothing wrong in that. Chill and stop worrying so much. x

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    • Posted

      I am going through the same things and it is not normal. These thoughts are intrusive and bother you and keep you up at night. Depression and anxiety can truly blind you from the beautiful things in life and we know it. If we could "stop worrying about it and chill", then no one would have depression and/or anxiety and we would all be happy.

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