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I just wanted to find out if anyone is going through a sim kind of thing as me, or maybe they have and could help me. So i think i am depressed but really unsure as i look at other cases and i see how some people have suffered so badly with depression and feel like a fruad really for even saying.
So i am 29 have a great job which takes me around the world, almost paid off half of my mortgage in the last three years so why do i feel like dead inside. Not a single person knows how i feel, i really dont want them to be burdening with my small problems. Last couple of years i have felt like there is nothing worth living for, night times are the worse i probably sleep about 4 hours a night if i am lucky, i have a fantasy of being killed but asking the person to do it and end it for me.
I have also been going off the radar a bit i have stopped talking to people and have my phone turned off so i have a excuse as to why no one can reach me.
I have so many scars over my legs from cutting myself, but its only just to take my mind off my life. The pain takes the my thoughts about my life even if its only for a few minutes. They are completly hidden, previously girlfriends have asked what they were but always lied about what they were like oh they are grazes from working.
At the moment its getting pretty bad, i cry randomly for no reason. My whole day is looking forward to sleeping just for a few hours so i can escape reality and fantasy about ending it all. I am at the moment taking quite alot of codeine and ibuprofen just to numb me. Also been on and off bulemic for the last few years but i am a healthy weight.
I dont know what my problem is, i should be happy. Just feel like a fraud about the whole thing. Can someone tell what i need to do as i am feeling like i am slipping away everyday
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