Depression but no one knows

Posted , 8 users are following.

I just wanted to find out if anyone is going through a sim kind of thing as me, or maybe they have and could help me. So i think i am depressed but really unsure as i look at other cases and i see how some people have suffered so badly with depression and feel like a fruad really for even saying.

So i am 29 have a great job which takes me around the world, almost paid off half of my mortgage in the last three years so why do i feel like dead inside. Not a single person knows how i feel, i really dont want them to be burdening with my small problems. Last couple of years i have felt like there is nothing worth living for, night times are the worse i probably sleep about 4 hours a night if i am lucky, i have a fantasy of being killed but asking the person to do it and end it for me.

I have also been going off the radar a bit i have stopped talking to people and have my phone turned off so i have a excuse as to why no one can reach me.

I have so many scars over my legs from cutting myself, but its only just to take my mind off my life. The pain takes the my thoughts about my life even if its only for a few minutes. They are completly hidden, previously girlfriends have asked what they were but always lied about what they were like oh they are grazes from working.

At the moment its getting pretty bad, i cry randomly for no reason. My whole day is looking forward to sleeping just for a few hours so i can escape reality and fantasy about ending it all. I am at the moment taking quite alot of codeine and ibuprofen just to numb me. Also been on and off bulemic for the last few years but i am a healthy weight.

I dont know what my problem is, i should be happy. Just feel like a fraud about the whole thing. Can someone tell what i need to do as i am feeling like i am slipping away everyday

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Aron,

    I am no Dr. But from what you just revealed ... Yes there is definitely a problem somewhere.

    You say you shouldn't feel the way you do because of having a great job, mortgage half paid off etc.

    Let's be honest ....most importantly, you need to be honest with yourself . No one cuts themselves, turns off their phone, and is bulemic for no reason.

    Search way back. I wish I could help you but you need to face whatever started all this. believe me... I have my share of depression.

    You can have all the money in the world but it does not bring happiness.

    Maybe deep down you are not as thrilled with your job as you think. Maybe you need to change your profession and settle in one place. Maybe you have stressed you don't realize are causing you such problems. I don't know, but what I do know is you have something going on that you need to address. Because something like this is not going away on its own.

    God bless you,

    Hugs, Maggie

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  • Posted

    You're definitely not a fraud. Depression isn't a one size fits all type of thing, so don't think that yours is any less than someone else's. Worldly possessions, and such have no meaning when depression strikes. Have you gone to see a doctor? You do need help, especially because of the cutting. You deserve a happy, and fulfilling life, don't deprive yourself of that.

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  • Posted

    codeine is a depressent...sad

    I'm not against drugs at all...and I'm not saying you have a problem with drugs...I'm just saying Codiene...has a tendency to cause depression.

    Are you on any antidepressent?  Yea, we think we have everything...good job...etc...but those things do not define who weare...you seem like you have to find things that make you feel whole....like hobbies? 

    I suffer from chronic pain and depression..because i have a history with alcohol...they will not prescribe me "addictive" drugs like codieneor vicodin for pain (and i don't want them) because like alcohol...they are temporary good pain relievers...but they do not fix the pain for good.

    I take a medication called Gabapentin...it REALLY helps with pain..but it is a gradual thing....taken 3x day...non narcotic..(no depressents).

    Actually, it kind of puts me in a better mood due to less pain.

    I would condsider talking to my Dr. and telling them how I was feeling (depressed)...and see if a change in med or a psychiatrist for an antidepressent would be in ordersad.

    I hope you feel better.

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  • Posted

    First thing you need to do is open up to friends and family about what you have been feeling and why you have shut them out. They wont be at all burdened, and will feel good that you thought they should know. Also, it will make you feel better to open up to them. Talk to a psychiatrist that you feel you are comfy with and be completely honest about your dreams. They may be able to get you on meds that will help with what your feeling.
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  • Posted

    Why dont you contact to Specialist?
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  • Posted

    You should definitely talk to your family and I also know you will feel better after seeing a Psychiatrist. You are not alone at all. Get the name of a reputable Psychiatrist and make an appointment. I feel just doing those two things will help you feel better. Addressing it. Remember, you're not alone.

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  • Posted

    Also....please open up to someone you can trust .

    You took the first step by coming on this forum. Talk to someone you can trust.

    I lost my sister (2yrs in Sept). I wish she would of reached out to someone . If so, she still may have been here .

    If you don't want to reach out for yourself, please consider doing it for your family and friends.

    I wish I could give you a hug.

    Maggie wink

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  • Posted

    Sorry you are feeling so down! I too suffer with anxiety and depression and cannot understand why as I have a great life! I feel I do not know myself anymore for I was a very confident, secure person before all this hit back in April! Hope we both start feeling better! 
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