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I was on Venlafaxine for around 2/3 years, i'm not sure how long, i lost track. The past few years seem like a blur, my memory isn't so good recently. I find it hard to remember yesterday.
I stopped taking venlafaxine on my own, cold turkey. Since my doctor was unwilling to taper me down - but it seems from reading other peoples experiences, you get the same withdrawl symptoms anyway.
I wanted to come off them because I felt like a zombie, I didnt care about anything.
It took around 11/12 days to get rid of the brain zaps, sweats, night terrors, shaking etc. all the bad symptoms. Its been a few weeks now and my depression has been getting worse again, every day feels like a struggle. I physically feel exhausted doing any task, I force myself to go to work, every day I am in work I hide in the toilet and cry. I walk home from work and cry, I feel pain in my chest because I am so sick of crying and feeling so lost all the time. I am now taking diazepam that my mum has given me to try and subdue the emotions, but now i feel floppy and depressed. I can't sleep at night and when I do I have horrible nightmares about my partner killing me etc.
I don't know what to do anymore, i get angry at everything and everyone, i can't stand the world i am in, it's a horrible place. I am losing all hope to keep going, I don't want to go to the doctor, i will only be prescribed more anti depressants; i just can't take anymore. I have been suffering from depression since my teenage years ( maybe 14/15) I have seen psychatrists and councelors but nothing helps. the last psychatrist i seen diagnosed me with emotionally unstable personality disorder and let me go, i was left with that and don't know what to make of it. she said i was too unwell to go with further appointments as it would be too much for me to deal with. i feel like every day is too much for me, i feel full of emotion and its so strong i just don't know how to deal with all these negative feelings. i just don't know what to do anymore, i feel like taking all the diazepam i have and going to sleep and never waking up. i could go on and on and on about how i feel, even as i write this i am crying. i just want everything to be ok, but it's never been ok. i'm sorry if this is all over the place, i'm just not sure what i'm doing anymore
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