depression help

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i have suffered with depression since my mum killed herself in 2008 i was on i think 20mg citalopram i dont have friends as i dont go out im up to anywhere from 2am-7am in the morning and i dont eat well at all recently i was working i was depressed in work but i had to deal with it for my daughters sake but then i got made redundant lost my partner who is the mother of my child and im basically homeless i really want to die but im scared of death and the fact i have a daughter is the only 2 reasons i have not ended my life

i dont dont like speaking to people i try to avoid doing anything am i just lazy? hence the reason i have been looking online for online doctors rather than going to my own doctor i really hate going shopping i try to get my ex partner to get me bits and bobs and prefer to order a take-away when i have an appetite witch i cant afford to buy as i dont work anymore im sick of the jobcentre of all places i was on esa but got declined in the medical and just pretend im looking for work (sometime's i do look when im in the mood but overtimes im either to down or to stressed) i am insecure about the way i look im paranoid (i dont do any illegal drugs) i think everyone is looking at me people had made mug remarks about my ears due to the fact they stick out (wish i could get them pinned but i wont asked my doctor in fear of him saying no or just its another problem to deal with) i just really need help and advice i have not took citalopram for about 2-3 years (due to the fact i dont want to as thats what my mother killed herself with) im online all the time i find it makes me forget about everything in my life i just really dont know what to do anymore i really just need help but i dont want to ask in person as i stated many times i hate confrontations i dont even bother with my family i see them like once every 6 month ( i just need help please from anyone )

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  • Posted

    wELL  you certainly have a lot going on in your life and moreso in your mind.  You really do need to find some relief in some form or another.  I hated my confrontation with a new doctor as well.  I had never really had a doctor since my pediatricain who happened to be a buddy of mine.  But when I got very depressed and emotional and my wife was about to leave me, I broke down and found a doctor and went to see him.  It was the hardest confrontation I had ever endured but I did it.  You have to remember that they work for you and they have heard it all before.  If you have no money surely you can find a free clinic that will see you.  I think that is the first step you have to take.  I just hope and pray that that will open up some more doors of hope for you.  I am here to talk any time but I may not have all the answers.  I will listen.  Good luck.  

     

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    • Posted

      im just really struggling to see my doctor i think its because its not the doctor who diagnosed with depression and anxiety so i will have to explain everything i know it will be on my records but he wont understand to i actually told him my situation sad 
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    • Posted

      At very first seeing my new doctor I could not talk to him either so I wrote it all down and emailed it to him ahead of time in as short a form as I could.  That really helped so I didn't have to rehash everything in my mind and tell it all over again.  Good luck and remember there is help out there. 

       

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    • Posted

      This is a great idea and a way of making sure you get to mention everything so you don't walk out of the doctors thinking "Oh no, I forgot to tell him this!" Also, it saves the awkwardness of actually having to speak the words as I know myself that can be difficult.
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  • Posted

    Kalem, I understand how you feel to a certain extent. My situation has not been exactly the same as yours. Though I did have an uncle that killed himself. I never wanted to go on drugs either as there is a history of various addictions in my family and I was so scared of getting addicted. 

    I used to avoid my real problems and see doctors about headaches and neck pain, reoccurring infections due to poor immune system, IBS. When I had my first panic attack, I was convinced I had a problem with my heart even though I am very young. 

    The point is, I was avoiding telling the doctor about my anxiety and depression. And trying to get quick fixes to deal with the physical problems. I guess part of working through it was recognising that I did have depression and anxiety in the first place. 

    I went to a therapist before I went to a medical doctor as I was scared of going on medication as I said before. I remember walking there, I felt so nervous. It felt really surreal and I couldn't believe it had come to that. They had lavendar outside of the door of the building and I remember getting this burst of smell from it. I was really upset but it helped me push through. I closed my eyes and opened the door. When I went to arrange an appointment, all I managed to get out was "Hi, am . . .I guess I don't really know how this works" and I burst out into fits of sobs. . . . But they were so nice and understanding and I knew they had dealt with it before. They weren't awkward or embarrassed, just so kind. And although all I did that day was fill out a survey and go to an initial consultation, I felt so tired after it. 

    I'm not going to say it's so easy to do because it really is. But believe you me, I am SO glad I did because that was the first step and though I still have a good bit of work to do, I am feeling so much better than I used to and that was the first step. I know you can do it too. Or as Mtm suggests, write down what you want to say and you could even hand it to the doctor in person.

    Oh!I forgot to say, when I saw my GP about it, he told me it's the biggest reason that people come in to see him. You're not alone, you're not strange and you're not "lazy" as you asked. You just need some help. But if you don't ask, people won't know you need it. I used to pretend I was happy and I used to think "how can they not tell?" but I guess I got very good at hiding it because I didn't want anyone to judge me or to feel burdened. You deserve to be happy. smile Take the first step and ask for help.

    Best of luck with it cheesygrin

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