Depression or just an archetypal teen?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hi, I'm Morgan, I'm 17, and I don't know what's wrong with me. Lately I've been feeling pretty lugubrious; in fact, it all started about a year ago when I started developing signs of anorexia. While I am currently in recovery (eating more, working out less), I haven't been feeling any better about life or about myself. Nothing I used to enjoy makes me happy anymore (I used to enjoy drawing, reading, listening to music, etc.) but now I can't focus on anything for too long and really just end up looking at a wall for an hour telling myself I should be doing something or sleeping. Every morning I think that I'd rather kill myself than go to school (I have a 4.0 gpa but like no friends), but, because I'm terrified of death I don't think I'd actually kill myself. I never want to go to school, but I never want to be home either because, like I said, I never end up doing anything; it's like a perennial cycle of looking forward to the weekend only to mope around wishing for Monday (but when Monday comes I end up dreading it). I don't know what to do. My parents won't take me to therapy or to seek help because they think any mental illness I have isn't real, because, in their words, "no one abuses me", "I don't get bullied at school", and "they're not divorced". I've been taking lots of vitamin D, because that supposedly ameliorates depression, but I'm not even sure I have depression, because like I said, I don't think I want to be dead, but maybe rather a different person. The whole ed situation doesn't help anything, I know, because I just end up feeling like a complete loser after I eat (but at least I'm eating now!) Sometimes I taste blood, like 70% of the time I feel light-headed or dizzy (I'm not even sure what these are symptoms of), and most of the time I have no motivation to do anything at all. All I know is that I need to get over what's getting me down, because I've been feeling too crappy to study or even go to school, and I absolutely can not let this affect my grades. If you've read this far I really appreciate it, and any advice you have for me is greatly appreciated. And if you think maybe I'm just being overdramatic let me know as well, because, like I said, any input is greatly appreciated. smile

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  • Posted

    Hi Morgan. I definitely do not think that you are being over dramatic. You wrote down your feelings and thoughts so well it really helped me understand your situation. I hear your pain. Could I ask how you are treating your anorexia. I have several friends now and in the past that are anorexic/bulemic and they are in therapy pretty all the time. I can't diagnose your depression but if that is your parents take on therapy it makes me sad. May I ask what country you live in. I live in the US and know more about the healthcare system here than in other countries. Hope you get back to me. Diane

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    • Posted

      Hi Diane, thanks for taking the time to read my story. I haven't had any official treatment for my ed, more like my mother watching me eat, making sure I don't go to the restroom after, and her tracking calories (sort of like an at-home in-patient). Although I have spurratic set backs, I know I have progessed; however, with college coming my parents (and I) fear that living on my own may cause everything to boil up again. And I live in the US. Thanks again for your time smile

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  • Posted

    Hi Morgan,

    I'm sorry to hear how horrible you have been feeling. I understand a bit about eating disorder having suffered myself at your age (im now in my late 30's) but I never forgot the torment of finally having to eat and the stress it brought but also the sense of freedom I felt recovering from such an Illness.

    Have you had any therapy for the ed or otherwise? because, regardless of whether your parents agree.. anorexia is a mental Illness in itself.

    I am glad to hear you are making progress with ed. I know it can be hard.

    In regards to you're other symptoms... Have you had recent bloodwork done because you could be aneamic which can cause tiredness and lethargy etc. If you haven't it might be worth getting bloods done.

    In regards to the low mood, is there someone close you can confide in? If you're parents aren't listening, maybe a teacher that you trust, or school counceller? I think the first step is talking through some of your anxieties and feelings so i hope there is someone who will listen to you. Of course, posting on this site also helps as there are always people here willing to listen or give advice.

    You sound like a very switched on, intelligent young woman and I hope you are able to find joy and happiness. Take care

    L X

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    • Posted

      Hi Lisa, thank you so much for taking time to write me. I'm glad to hear you have recovered nicely, I makes me happy to know people do get through this! Like I mentioned above, I've never had any treatment for my ed, just the vigilant eye of my mother (like an at-home in-patient). Actually, you bring up a good point in regard to anemia, I hadn't actually considered it; however, maybe I should have considering anorexia and other eds can engender different forms of anemia. eek I will definitely look into it. Again, thanks for your time and well wishes, I really appreciate it.

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  • Posted

    Hi you must have a school counsellor so could you talk to them?  At the age of 17 you are old enough to take yourself to the doctors and seek therapy and you haven't got to tell anyone if you don't want to. :Like Diane we don't know what country you are in and obviously this would affect any answers we can give you.

    I will say though don't give up as there is help out there and you will be able to find it if not immediately then hopefully soon.  x

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