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Hi, I'm Morgan, I'm 17, and I don't know what's wrong with me. Lately I've been feeling pretty lugubrious; in fact, it all started about a year ago when I started developing signs of anorexia. While I am currently in recovery (eating more, working out less), I haven't been feeling any better about life or about myself. Nothing I used to enjoy makes me happy anymore (I used to enjoy drawing, reading, listening to music, etc.) but now I can't focus on anything for too long and really just end up looking at a wall for an hour telling myself I should be doing something or sleeping. Every morning I think that I'd rather kill myself than go to school (I have a 4.0 gpa but like no friends), but, because I'm terrified of death I don't think I'd actually kill myself. I never want to go to school, but I never want to be home either because, like I said, I never end up doing anything; it's like a perennial cycle of looking forward to the weekend only to mope around wishing for Monday (but when Monday comes I end up dreading it). I don't know what to do. My parents won't take me to therapy or to seek help because they think any mental illness I have isn't real, because, in their words, "no one abuses me", "I don't get bullied at school", and "they're not divorced". I've been taking lots of vitamin D, because that supposedly ameliorates depression, but I'm not even sure I have depression, because like I said, I don't think I want to be dead, but maybe rather a different person. The whole ed situation doesn't help anything, I know, because I just end up feeling like a complete loser after I eat (but at least I'm eating now!) Sometimes I taste blood, like 70% of the time I feel light-headed or dizzy (I'm not even sure what these are symptoms of), and most of the time I have no motivation to do anything at all. All I know is that I need to get over what's getting me down, because I've been feeling too crappy to study or even go to school, and I absolutely can not let this affect my grades. If you've read this far I really appreciate it, and any advice you have for me is greatly appreciated. And if you think maybe I'm just being overdramatic let me know as well, because, like I said, any input is greatly appreciated.
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