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Depression roundabout - I want to get off!

Posted , 4 users are following.

lisa73551
lisa73551

So I'm on the roundabout looking for the exit ... only no one seems to know where it is. Let me explain....

There was a major major traumatic event a year ago due to what I can only describe as a psychological illness of someone close to me. The result was estrangement from my family, and I now have absolutely no one in my life. In addition to that there are daily situations that are stressful which I am still going through which wont stop anytime soon. The GP is trying to be supportive but doesn't know what to do - he is aware of most of the situation as I cry to him regularly.

SO I now have severe depression & anxiety with several suicide attempts in the last year since this has happened. GP puts me on anti-depressants and refers me to CMHRS who refer me to HTT. HTT say I am not psychotic so they cant help - back to CMHRS, who say its reactional and psychosocial not based on a mental illness so they cant help - back to GP. GP majorly concerned and refers again, same situation. We have now done this 4 times. The psychiatrists and GP all say that anti-depressants wont work as its down to the circumstances and not a mental health illness. I've been in counselling for a year with various different counsellors and nothing is helping. GP has today started the referral again as he can see I am deteriorating again but he is powerless to do anything, and he knows that CMHRS will discharge me again but says he just doesn't have any other avenue he can take.

The obvious answer is to deal with the issue causing the depression but that is not possible for legal reasons and because the person involved now refuses to engage.

So now what? Any ideas ..... because my ideas no one likes!

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • sam18386
    sam18386 lisa73551

    Posted

    reach out tell us what's wrong and if necessary pm me and talk. this thing that happened will disrupt your life, psyche, mind, health etc. please ask for help, don't do what i did and bottle it up. i have ptsd because of what happened to me. it's never been properly sorted and has had huge knock on effects. i wish you luck.

    • lisa73551
      lisa73551 sam18386

      Posted

      Thankyou for replying to me. I am very wary about what I put on here, as I don't want to cause triggers for other people which is why I have tried to stay with the medical aspect of what can I do? If yoiu want to PM I have no issues with discussing it but it is a long story and is like nothing you could ever dream up. It has left me in a situation where I am totally and utterly isolated and have no one and nothing. I don't mean I have a mother that doesn't understand I mean no one. If I died in my bed today I wouldn't be found until the neighbours reported a smell. The neighbours dont even know I am here. I have no human contact other than when I go onto forums like this. I have no one to pick up the phone to .... I literally have no one and in the middle of all that I am grieving for my family who are still alive but have chosen to take the actions they have taken which has left me like this.. They are aware of my situation - they caused it. I'm not sure they are aware how high risk I am but to be fair having had the main person in my life sit with me and watch me go unconscious through an overdose and not get medical help I can't say I know if they care. This person now denies it ever happened btw, but is also the same person with the psychological issues that started the ball rolling. So everyone is agreed it is an appalling position to be in and no one knows the answers to how to change it.

      So back to the GP can't help as they are general practitioners and not trained in mental health, the psychiatrists and psychologists can't help as its reactional depression etc and not an underlying health problem, the counsellors can't help as I am fully aware of whats going on and possibly the reasons why. I've talked and talked and talked and been on all the depression forums etc. I've been on to all the helplines, samaritans, sane line, support line, crisis text.... I've been to the local drop in centres and wellbeing centres, I've begged social services to get involved - who says its a mental health issue and not a social issue, but mental health say its due to phsycosocial situations ..... I come back to the same question .... WTF do I do? Hundreds of people have said I have to hang on .... I have to keep going ..... and then I never see them again. Thats their job - preserve life at all costs. If it was a dog living this hell it would be put to sleep ...... and I don't need to tell you anymore about where I'm going with that. A year on and it just gets worse.. Anyone any idea???? Or shall I just get on with it

    • sam18386
      sam18386 lisa73551

      Posted

      oh lisa, what is wrong with people? you can tell me anything, it can't be that bad i am thinking, maybe it's not you, other people may need to look at their own behaviour before you alter yours. i know one thing you can't just be left that's disgusting that's ignoring you as a person! your doctor needs to do something and as for your family they should be told really. tell me what you want. i work only on truth though!

  • ann40120
    ann40120 lisa73551

    Posted

    Lisa, my heart breaks for you. I am sorry about your situation and especially about being alone. Being alone is hard. I am also alone & have clinical depression. Know you are not alone. It sounds like you may need to find a new Dr. w/ a fresh perspective. Finding a new Dr. can be daunting. PLEASE, do not give up hope! There is ALWAYS hope. I realize this may not sound helpful if you are not religious, but prayer helps me. Just talking out loud to God, tell Him to carry you through this hard time. He loves you & wants you to come to Him with your worries. I beg you not to try suicide again. You must hang on. One day at a time. I am praying fir you, friend. You ARE NOT alone. Take care.

    • lisa73551
      lisa73551 ann40120

      Posted

      Thankyou for your message. My GP is honestly trying his best for me. He has referred me to mental health several times, has asked for second opinions, has signposted me to listening and counselling services, will refer me to wherever I need him to or ask him, writes letters for me without me having to go through the waiting period but he doesn't know what else to do. He has stood up for me against various agencies, changed medications, done home visits, put me on crisis lists etc but we all come back to the same thing .... life is the cause of my problem and he cannot change life. Hence I am calling out to people to see if anyone has any other ideas. If I have something to go to my GP with I know he will support me but he holds his hands up and says he can only do what he is doing - and he has referred me again but its back on that roundabout.

  • ann40120
    ann40120 lisa73551

    Posted

    Im glad you are w/ a Dr. who will go to great lengths for you. Just hang on, something will change. You are stronger than you think.

    God be with you, Lisa.

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