Depression setback - new relationship!

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hi, I have suffered depressive episodes in the past. Now, I find myself staring back down that dark path. I chose to end a relationship with my girlfriend 2 years ago, which nearly broke me, as we had come to be together after the death of mum which she helped me through. Even now, there is still contact from her occasionally, which I find hard. I ended up being off work for 6 months to deal with it all. Now, I find myself involved with another girl, over the past 3 months. The problem is, my anxiety is through the roof just now, as I keep thinking about whether I will become depressed again if we split up, even if it is my choice. I have not eaten properly in the last 2 days from worrying about it, and feel really down. I am 39 and have no ties, and find myself comparing myself to other people all the time and hating myself fr not being settled down, even though I've never felt that urge. Please help.

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  • Posted

    Why is it hard when you have contact with your ex does she contact you? Or do you contact her?

    As for now you need to check in with yourself get level headed because you're thinking about doing a repetitive pattern. Let me tell you something you are good enough for love and to have a woman in your life tell yourself that, stop thinking about what ifs and think about right now and what you want right now stop letting your thoughts scare you you cant control the future you may have no money today but tomorrow you could have it all! Or have so much money and lose it all in one day thats it you neverrr know! Let me tell you relationships are hardwork! Its not as easy as when youre single where you just worry about yourself and thats it! Its easier to stay single than be committed.

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    • Posted

      Hi Maryann,

      Many thanks for your kind reply. It is the case that it is my ex who contacts me, but I do not respond now though, though I have a few times, but only to say 'Thank You', for example, when she sent a card on my mum's anniversary. Even then, she got a bit annoyed when I didn't reply to her offer to meet for a coffee. 

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  • Posted

    Hi everyone is different and not everybody feels the urge to 'settle down' so why are you being so hard on yourself for not wanting to?  I have never felt that urge and am single and quite happy not to be in a relationship. 

    I appreciate it's hard coz we all want to fit in and I guess feel the pressure to produce grandchildren for our parents but that's the way it is. As long as you are honest with your gf I can't see the problem.  Try and relax and just enjoy it without thinking overmuch of the future.  This isn't under our control anyway and life often happens to you whilst you are planning it.  Life shouldn't be just duty - it is also ours to spend the way we choose.  Beware though that everything has a price and no one can have it all.  x

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    • Posted

      Hi Hypercat,

      Many thanks for taking the time to reply to me. Yes, honesty is certainly what I have in abundance, no doubt about it, I just find myself so high just now, and I know I can't predict the future. I have been back to the doctors too and he has increased my medication (anti-depressants), but it is really the same issue that continues to dominate my head.

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  • Posted

    If she’s meant to be she won’t mind you taking a step back and having some time to yourself. Just try your best to communicate how you’re feeling and why you might need to take things slow. No rush! 
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  • Posted

    Hi Jason - do you want to split with her? If not, why are you contemplating it? Did you get any professional help after the last split? Since you instigated that break-up, why were you nearly broken by it? 

    Unfortunately in this world, we are all expected to want the same things, constantly told what is best for us. It's one of the most powerful tools of manipulation. You are in charge of your life - no-one else. I've never thought of settling down - and I'm in my 50's. I am constantly amused by the faux horror others express when I explain that I am free and that life is not about obeying the relationship expectations of others.

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    • Posted

      Hi Wayne,

      Thanks, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. It is strange, yes, I do like my own company, I never had the intention to get back into a relationship, especially after all of the upset and illness caused by my last relationship and it's breakdown. She is quite independent herself though, and when I brought up the idea that I didn't think I ever wanted to get married etc., she didn't seem too bothered, and actually said she would probably find it hard to live with someone else again after being separated from her husband for the last 4 years. I don't really know then what it is I am worrying about in a way!

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    • Posted

      Hi again Jason - and thank YOU for your response. Reading your reply I am wondering whether you have dealt with the hurt and issues regarding the demise of the last relationship? The suffering you endured then might be projecting onto the now, and the fear of a repeat performance now could be what is ailing you. Counselling can address these issues very effectively, allow you to mourn any residue, place events into a different perspective - one that is not emotionally driven - allow you to learn a bit more about yourself, coping mechanisms and, ultimately, to leave you free to fully engage in the relationship you are currently in. Or not if that's what you decide.

      I think your current partner sounds fabulous - no pressure, both of you survivors, sharing the now and letting the future unfold as it will. Best of luck to you mate, and we are always here to talk. 

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