Depression sucks

Posted , 9 users are following.

I'm 48 and I can't remember the last time I woke up an said" it's good to be alive" When I look in the mirror I tell myself how much I fn hate you. I get these anxiety attacks that find myself pacing back in forth for a cpl hours in the middle of the night. I been telling cpl friends how I understand why people end their lives. I tell them "I get it". I know I need help but I don't think a drug can help me. I just want to try to talk about it. I don't want to hurt myself but it's getting harder everyday. Suicide is the most selfish thing that anybody could do. I don't want to hurt others by doing this. None of my friends are gay but I think I am and that bothers the s**t out of me..I FN HATE IT..I never been intimate with anybody. It's sad but it's true. Can't come out with it because I think it would make it worse with friends and family. Even though I think they know. I just hate my life.

3 likes, 8 replies

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    I'm sorry you feel that way Mike.  I really think it would help to see your GP.  I'm on medication and feel much better.

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  • Posted

    Thx for the reply val. My biggest concern is that a drug can't change who I'm am. When at times Im out with husbands and wifes that are good friends, I feel out place. I don't go with them near as much as I did, because it's makes me feel more lonely and anxiety kicks in. It's just difficult

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  • Posted

    Mike if you think you might be gay find yourself  counseling that is geared towards helping with sexual identity. Not been true to yourself causes anxiety and depression. Keep talking on here we listen but don’t judge. 
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  • Posted

    You dont need to change yourself! Plenty of people are gay and there is no problem with that! However medication may help your hatred towards it alongside seeing a professional etc. It is worth trying and think positive, best of look!!
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  • Posted

    Hi you are right a drug can't change who you are but it can make you feel a bit better and more able to tackle your issues though counselling.  Are you having any of that?

    If you think you are guy then it would be easy to open up to a counsellor and you might have some answers afterwards.  x

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  • Posted

    Haven't had any counseling "yet"but I strongly agree with getting some kind help.

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  • Posted

    Get some counselling help, Mike. I'm 63 and finally found a good one I can relate to and discuss just about anything with. 

    Clinical Depression needs to be addressed with medication, diet, therapy and exercise. When you start short-changing any of those items is when the episodes usually get worse. I was prescribed Paxil (an SSRI drug) when I was 38 and feeling seriously suicidal. It changed my life, really. These new drugs are great and with minimal side effects.

    But, get in and start seeing a therapist and get a Psychiatrist to prescribe an appropriate anti-depression medicine. Life can suck, no question. But, with the right treatment we can ride out the worst episodes and still live a productive existence. God bless you!

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  • Posted

    Hi Mike - sorry to read you are suffering. It's hard to live the truth of yourself when society condemns what you are. While things have improved there is still an ingrained phobia regarding sexuality which has been indoctrinated into society by religion using shame and guilt to manipulate others. However, not living the truth of who you are is a recipe for mental illness. How about counselling? Self hatred is a cancer. Being gay is not a "sin," "evil," or a "choice," and homosexuality is present across the animal kingdom. The only choice we have is whether we will live the truth of ourselves, or live a lie to "conform" or to appease the prejudice or delusion of others. I would also suggest suicide is not an escape.

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