Depression vs lost twin grief

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I am seeing a therapist for the feeling of sadness and grief. I grew up in abusive family where father was agressive and beating my mother from very small age. My 2 years younger brother has witnessed the same things. My therapist has suggested the option of lost twin in embrionic phase, that could explain profound feelings of grief and sadness and not belonging. I have difficulties accepting this, as it is already very complicated emotionally and I also never had any dreams that would subconscionsly indicate loss of embrionic sibling. IS this a case of mixing up long term depression with lost twin grief? I would like to hear from someone who has experience of feelings caused by confirmed loss of embrionic stage sibling...thank you.

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  • Posted

    Wow, that's a new one!

    So sorry to hear about your unhappiness. I have felt for a long time that the word grief is the one that most closely describes the feeling of depression. It's that raw, bleeding emotion of loss, but what you are grieving for is less obvious. To me it feels like grieving because I'm what I am and not something better, the things I can't change - it's not precisely that, it's hard to pinpoint or explain. And because it's not grief about an external event the healing element of grief is lacking. I'm probably not making sense. The point is that a hypothetical lost twin isn't necessary to explain the feeling. And not belonging is also a common feeling for us depressives.

    It seems an odd thing for the therapist to say and if you don't like the idea then, in the absence of evidence, don't fret about it. It's probably better to heal the issues you do have than create a new one. 

    I feel for you, I hope you get some relief from the pain soon x

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    • Posted

      Thank you Claudia...yes, that is exactly how it is, the bleeding emotion of loss...almost constant when I am alone. Not followed by any thought...it is just there...and also a spasm in the troat that often goes together. It is something that first appeared in very strong episode of one week crises, in early twenties, when I had this strong feeling of los, and not being worth a life...useless creature that does not deserve to be...I cried for entire week and could not get out of the flat. The second episode happened in my early thirties, and now agin late thirties, early forties. I would say, it is untreated depression, that draggs through decades...I agree, I feel I do not need another player in all this...my intuition tells me there is no space for loss twin theory...
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  • Posted

    Hi Anita I am sorry to hear you are going through such a bad time at the moment.  

    I agree with Claudia,  in the absence of any other confirmation this lost twin theory sounds bizarre.   I think you have been through enough in your childhood to explain how you are feeling and I hope therapy is helping you.

    Are you on any ad's?   These might help.   Also stay with us here and we will support and help you all we can.   Bev x

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    • Posted

      Thank you, I agree with both of you...perhaps my therapist had to go sideways, to be sure that we go on the main track again...I do not know, she said we are preparing terrain for the EMDR. I also found some good feedback here about it. this web site is amazing...I feel lucky I found you guys. X
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