desperate. someone please help

I also have anxiety and i can see that you have a lot of fantastic advice from everyone here.Its nice to know we are  not alone.and i cant offer a lot of advice becaust im new at this anxiety disorder stuff.but i'm learning.What i can do is pray for you and ask God to give you peace.He promised to give us peace that passes all understanding if we just lay our troubles at his feet.Thats what i'm doing.

Scared of losing control - check! Intrusive thoughts (especially morbid) - check!

Now I think about it, I have had anxiety at different levels through my life, so has my Mum so I think there is a propensity for it in our family. Never knew what it was for sure, until later in life. I seem to be more cynical and less resiliant now and recon it is due to a slow change in my psychology over the years, not dealing with it properly. And I still don't deal with it properly. My anxiety then leads on to a more depressed state, where I become paranoid and have irrational thoughts. I take fluoxitine and have recently upped my dose (discussed with doctor). I have hellish days and better days and don't trust to the future. I recently started to feel that this was it for the rest of my life so I felt trapped and started to go through the suicide scenarios. I went back to my doctor and asked for more help so he refererred me to a place where they assess your needs e.g. CBT, group therapy etc. So... I go there on Friday! Must keep an open mind! 

Another realisation was that wine helped still my anxiety in normal circumstances but in more stressful circumstances it quickened depression. I love wine but I need to be extra careful now! Right now, a quick wine fix does NOT outway the terror of a down day.

try some cbt to get rid of bad thoughts for good ones.  moodgym.au is good.

Richard