Desperate to get better

Thanks for your advice,I have read on these discussion forums that it takes time for the citalopram to start working properly,I know it's not going to happen over night ,but as its affecting my health I'm feeling so desperate and depressed ,eating is a normal day to day thing that comes natural to everyone ,I'm getting anxious because I'm thinking this is only happening to me as I haven't read or heard of anyone having this problem with their anxiety symptoms ,I've lost a stone and as I'm a slim person anyway ,it's become noticeable to people that know me,that's making me more anxious about going out and people commenting on how much weight I've lost ,I know it's all in my brain and that is controlling my body and thoughts .i just don't understand how the citalopram is gonna change my brain to thinking I can eat normally again.

Ah but it will.

Often stress or shock can cause a depletion in serotonin (our happy hormones).  Low levels causes havoc with your body making you feel anxious or depressed, have fears about anything (and I had my fair share of them about myself), affects your sleep, appetite, weight, headaches, aches and pains, lethargy, obsessions, uninterested in things and a whole host of other things.

When you get tired, mixed with all this anxiety going on, normal thinking goes out the window.  Lots of things start to make you feel anxious whether they be actions or unwanted thoughts, which in turn create more anxiety.  Your head becomes tired, unwatned thoughts stick to a tired mind making them bounce around and again causing even more anxiety.  You'll get that negative voice telling you that you won't get better, you aren't like other people, you'll stay ill forver etc etc on and on.

The meds hang onto your serotonin in the space between each nerve in the brain before its reabsorbed, making you feel happier.  In time you'll start to feel calmer, happier, less stressed, less anxious, less depressed ..... and without the anxiety the fear will start to ease off.  Its the anxiety that keeps the fear there.

Believe me, I thought the same too about myself.  I didn't know anyone who had the same fears as me and I couldn't talk about it to anyone either.  I couldn't see how the meds would make me become less fearful about things because the fearful thing always be there to remind me.  What was to stop me being afraid of it?  I'd suffered for 16 years with it.

Well I recovered within 6 months.  And what I was fearful about didn't bother me one bit ..... because all the anxiety had been taken away, and without the anxiety the fear was gone.

Everyone has fears or weird thoughts, but usually people just dismiss them and put them to the back of their minds without another thought.  But, if they're accompanied with anxiety, that's when they stick at the front of your mind, frightening you, causing more anxiety - you get trapped in a cycle of fear, anxiety, depression, thoughts, fear, anxiety, depression, thoughts etc etc.  The meds will help to break that cycle and in time all anxiety, depression etc etc will lift and you will begin to feel better and better - eventually being able to cope and be anxiety free.

I didn't think I'd ever be free of it all.  But I am.  It took 6 months, but it was a short time compared to the time I'd been ill.  My son had a breakdown 2 years ago (at the same age when I had become ill), and he started on meds and was very ill and lost so much weight.  It took 9 months for him to recover and he's now back to his normal happy self again, working again, has a new girlfriend and is out and about doing things laughing all the time.

You will not see evidence the meds are working for quite a while.  They work really slowly, but just keep taking them, hang on in there, it really does get better.  If you feel unsure about your dose increase, then ask your doctor if you can remain on 20mg for longer.  A larger dose doesn't mean recovery will happen any quicker or that its suitable for you ....... its trial and error getting the dose just right.  If you're feeling ok on 20mg then stay on that.

You really need to be patient, and I know how hard it is because you desparately want to be well now.  Remember, a broken leg takes months and months to heal ....... and so this illness is no different.  But you will start seeing a difference and you will begin to feel more comfortable and at ease with eating little bites again.

Remember, you cannot choke, its very rare.  Your body has its own way of dealing with it anyway and thats by making you cough. Cutting food up into miniscule pieces will help.  Make sure its your favourite tempting foods.  Have you tried a straw?

Keep your doctor informed.  Maybe also get checked out that your swallowing problem is just due to anxiety and not anything physical ie muscles not working properly.

The meds will work though.

K x

Thanks for that advice,you seem to know exactly what anxiety is all about,and how the brain works.the main cause of my anxiety is I have suffered with emetophobia (fear of sick)for as long as I can remember ,I'm now 37 and since having my son ,who's now 9 ,it's become out of hand and taking over my day to day living.i finally went to the doctors this year to get help.my eating has never been a problem at all ,even all the years I've suffered with emetophobia .i had a trigger tho in June when I was on holiday in Spain,I was eating mash potato and i sort of swallowed it before I was ready and it came back up a bit and I panicked,because of my emetophobia this triggered something in my brain.ever since that day I have not been able to eat ,it got a bit better as at the beginning I was afraid to swallow anything ,I started eating bits but I'm just chewing and chewing and focusing on getting ready to swallow,a thing that comes absolutely natural is now a big issue.

I was once in a huge mess with my fears, and I never believed I'd get over it.  But taking these meds changed my life - I couldn't believe it.  You'll find as the meds start working, your anxiety will start to ease, and you'll probably find that your fears will lose their importance too and they'll begin not to bother you as much.  You can't believe it yet because youre in that negative space at the moment.  

I think you might just be surprised how much a difference the meds will make for you.  

Hard to believe I know .....

K x

Thank you so much for your advice,after reading your replies ,I am more confident I will get better,I know it's not gonna happen over night and I have to take one day at a time,but reading your success and how the meds have helped you,I now believe in time they will work and I will get better.thank you

It helps to talk doesn't it, and realise you're not alone.  I don't think it matters what your fears are, your body just simply responds exactly the same as the next person.  I had some very weird fears which developed over time ....... and they don't bother me at all now.  I don't like them, but they don't scare me anymore and so they're put back into context instead of leaping out at me.  I hardly think about them.

Keep persevering, accept all the strange side effects for now, and give it lots and lots of time ........ I'm sure you'll see an improvement, and eventually be free of the anxiety and fear.

Keep in touch. 

K xx

I'm still on Citalopram but have been weaning off this last year - was on 20mg and am now down to only 2.5mg.  Will stop eventually.  

K x

I've been prescribed fortijuce by my doctor so hopefully they will help