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Diagnosed 12.21.15 I AM IN SHOCK

Posted , 4 users are following.

Monie
Monie

On 12.21.15 my life changed. One of my biggest fears came to light. I have HSV2. I am asystematic and have never had an outbreak.... (YET). I don't know how long I've had this because i missed my yearly exams for 2 years. In that time span after my divorce 3 years ago I have had relations with 4 men... All of whom I had to make phone calls to.

None of them had sores on their genitals or mouth. I look!!! However in my recent research its this process called "shedding" and even if there aren't any physical OB the virus is on the skin surface and active at that time.

I have been crying and crying and more crying. I feel like my personal intimate life is over. I would be afraid to knowingly possibly transmit this to someone even when using protection. I desired to be remarried one day.... But how do you bring this subject up? Oh by the way.... I know we like each other but ummm i have genital herpes...??? Then bam he high tails it to the exit door...

Im so devastated and the even more depressing part is that i have been celibate since August. A personal choice because I wanted to wait until i met the man that may had become my husband. A second time virgin so to speak. Now to find this out.... I feel lost hopeless confused angry depressed sad and just defeated.

Think I'll live the rest of my life alone now because i cannot be intimate with a man. I feel like I'm dirty walking around with this virus for the rest of mu life.

1 like, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • Sabrina55
    Sabrina55 Monie

    Posted

    Right now no words of encouragement will sink all the way in.  You are in a heartbreaking, devastating place.  The fact that this is not a death sentence hasn't sunk in yet.  The fact that herpes is a horribly over stigmatized manageable skin condition hasn't come to light yet.  The fact that with some dietary changes, you can greatly decrease the odds of future outbreaks.

    What is true -- you are not alone.  You are SMART to know not to isolate yourself.  Reach out to forums like this one for support, information, and connection.  

    If a dear friend had shared the same news with you and asked for your help -- you would be supportive, positive, and let them know they can cope.  And you would adamantly remind them that they are deserving of love, and still the same incredible person.    So, please, try and be that friend to yourself.  Easier said than done, I get that.

    This curveball hurts like hell in everyway imaginable -- because before it happened -- it was unimaginable.  

    One day at a time. 

    As I heard recently -- resentment is like drinking a poison, and hoping it will kill the other person.  (Nelson Mandela quotation).

    I'm right about one thing -- you can do this.  Because I know, even as new friends on a brilliantly anonymous internet website -- you would tell me I can do this.

    • Monie
      Monie Sabrina55

      Posted

      Sabrina thank you... So much!!!!! I needed that. I have only shared this with one trusted family member. They are supportive. You are correct i haven't realized any of those realizations. Only that i won't die from it but inside i feel as though i have.
  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus Monie

    Posted

    Hi Monie! Well, I'm single and have HSV-2, too, but I unfortunately do get outbreaks, and sometimes I think the same like you, but there's no point worrying about something that can't change or which hasn't happened yet (e.g., meeting a guy and disclosing, etc.), so I try to forget that I even have this and do my best to remain upbeat. Once you get over the initial shock and all the feelings that go along with that (good to get those feelings out, btw), you will feel better about this, I'm sure.

    Did you find out which of your exes has it yet? I'll be surprised if they test to find out, especially if they don't get symptoms themselves. But at least you did the right thing by informing them, and kudos to you for plucking up the courage to do that, btw, especially four times after a fresh diagnosis! I only had to notify one partner, thankfully, and just had to bite the bullet and broach the subject. Most awkward thing ever!

    Regarding no symptoms, supposedly only 10% are truly asymptomatic, with the vast majority being near-asymptomatic. Once taught what to look out for, they then learn to notice possible outbreaks. You could well be like that, but your symptoms are super mild. Do you ever get recurring yeast/BV, itchiness, tiny tears after sex on occasion? These could all actually be herps instead! Anyway, just thought I'd mention it, and know that you're not alone!!

    P.S. Do you know your IgG antibody count, and did you test by HerpeSelect?

    • Monie
      Monie FelizCastus

      Posted

      Felis... My LGG is 1.15 which is low. Which i know doesn't mean anything either. Been doing alot of research. Yes it took so much for me to make those calls. Worst experience ever... So idk if its new or old. I just know i am asymptomatic for now. Occasionally i have had vaginal tears after intercourse... Hmmm interesting. They would be very slight and always on one side though on the outter labia. I have a yeast infection now and another std unfortunately. All asymptomatic.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus Monie

      Posted

      Do you have a history of cold sores? Better yet, were you tested for HSV-1 IgG as well? A low positive for Type 2 can sometimes be false in those with existing Type 1. Since you've never had symptoms (although it sounds like you could have done with the tears after sex), and your result is so low, I would do the HSV-2 IgG test again in 2-3 months. If no real change, then you may wish to consider the HSV western blot as confirmation. Tricky to arrange and quite expensive, but just fyi. If your score in 2-3 months is quite different, then this would appear to be a new infection.
    • Monie
      Monie FelizCastus

      Posted

      Oh... Thanks. Idk. I got my results and it just says HSV 2 on it. No i have no history of cold sores. Yes.. I plan on retesting in a month. This is all useful information. I appreciate it greatly.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus Monie

      Posted

      When you retest, if you don't mind the cost or can have it covered by insurance, do the IgG test for both HSV types. If negative for Type 1 (as you seem to be, but you never know) and positive for Type 2, then that is pretty conclusive, unfortunately.

      The next time you get a vaginal tear, you can also see about getting it swabbed and tested by PCR/DNA (not viral culture) for HSV-2. And happy to help! smile

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