Does any females get suicide thoughts when your periods are due?

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Hello Im 43 ,new to this site I have had depression on and off since the age of 15, Ive tried different tablets,seen different doctors,nurses,had councelling ,I keep on going on and off tablets hoping I dont need them for years but now accepted I have to stay on them for good as nearly every month I have suicide thoughts around my monthlys, when I get so low the thought of my children doesnt stop me from hurting myself I think they are better off without me , I feel unloved,got no self esteem even people say im pretty I dont see it ,Im anxious alot of the time and dont want to go out as Im paranoid thinking everyone is talking about me, someone said to me earlier I should pull myself together,get a grip life is precious,people are dying . I do know that but it does not make me feel any better when my suicide thoughts are in my head.

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