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I know I'm not alone, I know it's all in my head...but that to me is more frightening. To know I'm in control of this, any little fear or thought could tailspin me again..typing this is even difficult..I just feel fed up, like I'll never feel better..I've only been relapsed with panic for a week or so..but it's like why? I'm angry I want my life back..my joy feels as if it were robbed. Conversations with people I love I want to concentrate so bad and be present with them and I can't be. I'm dizzy and lightheaded everyday and the thing is I'm not even anxious about it, so it's like..if I'm not anxious and I'm still getting symptoms..man it must really be over for me. What a sh*t thing. The only peace I get is going to sleep because I know I won't have to suffer for a few hours..but I dread waking up because here it comes. I mean a few weeks ago I was looking to buy a house and now I'm afraid to even leave the one I live at now..I get brief moments of hope where "ah dude, relax you're gonna get through this it ain't nothing" and I guess that pushes me..but he majority in looking at other people envying their ability to function and Conde grate and go about their life while a huge black cloud and obsession with breathing and panic consume my life
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