Does anyone get scared when they start feeling better?

Posted , 4 users are following.

I've been on Celexa 3 1/2 months. Also on 5mg Valium 3x a day and 25 mg Torazodone at night. I started out on 5mg cit and slowing moved up to 30mg. That wasn't working so doctor upped me to 40mg.

I'm taking it slow so currently at 35mg for the past week and will go up to 40mg next week. I take it for Anxiety and Depression.

I feel like I am getting better. I still have the butterfly feeling of anxiety in the chest but it is tolerable and the depression is just about gone.

But I have this constant weird scared feeling and thoughts that I am going to CRASH and be right back as bad as I was, or worse, like I might go crazy or something!!!! And I was BAD before!!!!!! I have PTSD and my son passed in October, he was 21 and took his own beautiful self from this earth.

I know all about how bad Valium is so please don't tell me any horror stories as it will make me so much worse. I am going to do a slow taper off the Valium once I am stable. I want to do it now but my doctor advices against it because he thinks at this time it will make things worse. He is willing to go as slow as I want.

I am also so scared to go through that but I am hoping as long as I don't go fast, I should be ok.

Sadly I was on all these meds 3 years ago. I use to have a few drinks every night, didn't get drunk, didn't effect my family life, my mood never changed. I just did it out of habit. I quit one night after 10 years of doing it and went through Alcohol withdrawl which gave me PAWS Post Acute Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome and also triggered my PTSD from the jobs I had, military and corrections. So they put me on all the meds above. I tapered off all of them and was perfectly normal living a happy life until my beautiful son passed.

I just don't want to go through any more pain than I have too. And my fear is I'm somehow going to hit rock bottom again now that I feel good.

Sorry for the long post! It is much longer than I thought it was going to be.

God Bless You All!!!!

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    I am sorry to hear about your son and the triggering of PTSD. I think you are doing good with where you are just need some more time for it to adjust. Have you ever considered trying Lorazepam also know as Ativan. It works well for short term, maybe it will help to get you off the Valium smoothly.

    I also don't believe you will hit rock bottom again. Hope you are seeing a therapist that will help tremendously. Hang in there, we are here to support you

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much David!!!

      The last time I tapered I followed the Ashton Manual. I was actually on Ativan both times and switched to Valium because it has a longer half life compared to Ativan. Ativan works great but gets out of your system faster, half life is very short and can bring on the withdrawl faster so the therory goes. Valium has a half life of up to 200 hours so it stays in your system longer and makes tapering easier.

      Thank you for the positive reinforcement that you don't think I will slip back down!!!

      God Bless!!!!!

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  • Posted

    The biggest thought that struck me whilst reading your post is how incredibly brave you are. To have taken control as well as you have after such a horrific event is amazing. I have no doubt at all that you'll make a full recovery although it's perfectly understandable to question this, don't be tough on yourself if you have a bad day, just keep being positive & know in your heart that it'll all be okay.
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  • Posted

    Hi robert80755

    In regards of benzo, have you considered titration?

    I made it off clonazapam, after 6 YEARS of daily use, with no cross over, as titration makes it possible to dose more frequently, and make smaller cuts when necessary.

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    • Posted

      Hello Noolie and thank you so much for your reply!!! I already crossed over to Valium from Ativan about 2 months ago.

      I am now waiting on the Celexa to start working which it seems like it might be. Still have slight anxiety and scared I am going to get bad again.

      I joined Benzo buddies and I am considering doing the titration. I used Ashton method before and it worked for me.

      My doctor wants me to wait a little longer before tapering.

      I'm just so scared I am going to go through what I did with Alcohol withdrawal when I start the Valium taper. My thought is that I did this before and now my GABA system won't repair itself this time.

      Thank you again!!!!

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    • Posted

      Sorry....I hit send before I was finished.

      What I am trying to say, is that there is a world of difference between a taper, and a CT off benzos, so you will not endure the same chock to the brain, that your CT off alcohol generated.

      My taper was tough, but I was sufflering from intense tolerance withdrawal before even starting my taper, but I made it mainly because of the titration method.

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