Does having something to do help depression?

Posted , 4 users are following.

im in a relationship with a man who seems fine but says he has depression. The main thing causing it is likely to be losing his wife last year. He seems fine about this can talk about her with me no problem. I've never had any experience with depression before I've never had it and never known anyone with it. It's only this week he's hinted it may be worse than I thought. Admitting he has days where he can't face doing anything every few days. Yet says he's doing something most days. Most of time it's normal stuff housework taking dogs out watching tv reading. I'm wondering if it would help if he had something to do most days like going out or a course or something as he's always been ok on days we plan to meet.

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  • Posted

    Yes having something to do does help. I haven't done anything for ages so am trying to find something to do. Some kind of exercise helps as it gets the endorphins going and increases serotonin levels which all help with depression. It may sound a bit gay but I have just signed up for dancercise sessions, I don't like gyms so thought I would give this a go
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  • Posted

    Hi Marie...I think sometimes having a purpose/something to do can help with depression as one feels one is doing something contributory to society etc...However,your b/f is grieving and however busy he may choose to be,he won't be able to turn this off at will.You must allow him to grieve.....Was he in work prior to losing his wife?It's very common for depression to be triggered by losing a loved one....Has he thought of seeing his doctor?I am sure you being there for him is a help,being as supportive as you can...
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  • Posted

    Depression fogs the brain when its got nothing pre occupying it. Some to engage your brain is key or the lonely thought creep in
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  • Posted

    Thanks for the replies he hasn't worked for a while as he was caring for his wife before she died. It is only this week I've been thinking of how his depression actually is as he said he has bad days every few days yet always seems fine when we meet and text every day. I did talk to him a bit about it on Monday through text but I feel talking face to face will be better. He has admitted he does sometimes say he's ok when he's not, which I think most people would. Up to now he's never had a really bad day on a day we planned to meet so hasn't effected us meeting yet. This weekend is going to have to be when we talk because if I'm not aware of something that may happen it may cause problems which would make things worse for us both.

    from talking the other day it sounds like he will make effort to still meet sometimes if he's having bad day so could be case of both of us being understanding to the other at times. Another thing is how we will get on if he has bad day.

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    • Posted

      He is likely to be depressed for a long time, especially if he is not doing anything to actually heal. This may sound blunt but he is not ready to date and you are risking getting very hurt. He needs to heal and it is not your job to help him, and you don't deserve the pain and frustration he is likely going to put you through! 
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    • Posted

      I can understand why you say this but all I can go on is how he seems and acts and what he says. If he hadn't told me about his depression I wouldn't know as there is nothing about him that seems depressed. I know it's not my job to try and get him through it but I do care for him a lot and he's got me to care by being loving towards me. 

      I have thought if he is ready for relationship a few times purely because some people wouldn't be ready by now. There is nothing at all indicating that he doesn't feel ready. He says he's ready he acts like he's ready. Ok I may end up getting hurt but you can get hurt in any relationship. Next month will show more of how things are likely to go with Valentine's day then what would be his wife's birthday. But at minute I'm just seeing how things go as I know if I dont I will forever wonder what would of happened.

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