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Does she still love me?

Posted , 3 users are following.

Smiler..x
Smiler..x

My partner suffers from depression and I feel it is starting to affect us. We are a same sex couple and have been living together for a good few years now. We have been through a lot together over the past couple of years, which has definetly brought us together and made us stronger as a couple. In general, we are happy. We have always been very open with each other and have a very loving relationship. At the beginning it was great, she would touch me and she wanted me all the time. She couldnt keep her hands off me. Now, as her depression has got worse, she isn't like that at all. She never wants to have sex, I feel like I am constantly pestering her for it and even then I still dont get it. It seems like such a chore for her. She kisses me and cuddles me but when it comes to making love it just seems like I have to force her. Am I just there because she is scared of being on her own? This is really bringing me down. Does she still love me? I blame myself a lot, I feel like its me and that if I am not satisfying her then she might want someone else. I know she would never cheat on me but I cant help but think she might find someone better who makes her happy and that she is attracted to. I feel like she isnt attracted to me anymore, even though she tells me she is, it just seems shes not. I feel so lonely. What can I do to make things better?

Thanks,

Skye.

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • carmel83758
    carmel83758 Smiler..x

    Posted

    It is normal to go off of sex when you are depressed - worried - upset - ill or whatever. And it is usually the depressed/ill one that worries about losing the other - because the needy one needs the well one far more than the well one needs the ill one. You love your partner and don't mind that they are depressed but a lot of people would not want to get involved with a depressed person. So it is not a case of how your partner can pick and choose from you and others. You have to get more confidence and believe what your partner says.
    • Smiler..x
      Smiler..x carmel83758

      Posted

      Thanks carmel83758. You are right, I need to believe my partner. I am spending too much time worrying about her when I could be putting that energy into making things better. I love her with all my heart and I hate seeing her so down all the time. This is my first time dealing with someone with depression, so I am still learning. I understand that I need to be supportive and make sure I comfort her, instead of bringing up issues which are selfish of me and make her feel worse.
    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Smiler..x

      Posted

      Another point too Smiler!People tend to want people who are confident and happy and appear to be carefree and sorted. Your partner will find you a lot more interesting and attractive if you come across as level headed and unworried. And she will be far more likely to realise how lucky she is and be scared of losing you Dont became her career and nurse her all the time. Don;t became her therapist and counsellor. You are her partner. If you become her therapist or advisor the whole thing changes and that is when love can go wrong. Instead of loving you then you would just be a convenience.
  • jackie82937
    jackie82937 Smiler..x

    Posted

    When someone is depressed they can lose their feelings of love, they are in a very difficult place and only able to cope with their own emotions and survival.  Take a look on the Depressio Forum at Separated Wife Lives with my kids ....a big mess, also, Depression, Control issues and manipulative behaviour.  Also, google the unofficial symptoms of depression by Anne Sheffield, it will all start to make sense.

    Carmel is right about who needs who, depression is contagious stay strong. 

    • Smiler..x
      Smiler..x jackie82937

      Posted

      Thanks jackie82937. I will definetly have a look over these. I feel that I sometimes make the situation worse due to my own self doubt. All I want for her is to feel loved, feel like the person she once was. I understand this is a battle that she has to fight on her own. But as her partner and the person who cares about her most, it's hard to not intervene. I feel depressed myself sometimes, which she blames herself for (even though its not her fault) and most of the time I push my true feelings to the side as I dont want to cause anymore upset.
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