Does talking about depression and bad days make depression worse?

Posted , 3 users are following.

im just wondering if people with depression find talking about it makes you feel worse. On Saturday my boyfriend had his worst ever day with depression. We spent most of it in hospital waiting for him to be seen. He lost his wife last year which set it off but til Saturday he had seemed fine. I told him to think about what he wants from us as in would he rather just be friends for now. This is looking more and more likely the more I think of it and the changes in what he's saying to me. This Saturday we plan to meet and talk about what he wants. I've said its going to be down to him what happens. I am going to listen to what he says but then I feel I do need to tell him how I feel. I think we probably will agree on everything like he needs to sort his depression out then think about a relationship when he's ready. I would like to talk about Saturday and be honest about how it was for me as he has said if I feel it's getting too much just tell him. I don't feel that it's getting too much at all right now but based on Saturday alone if that happened more often I honestly have no idea how I would cope. I do want to be there for him but with how he was on Saturday I don't know how much of him being like that I could deal with. That may sound selfish and I know he couldn't help it but I felt nothing I could do or say could help and after trying to cuddle him a few hours for him to blank me I was starting to give in trying.

1 like, 5 replies

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello Marie, you keep posting the same post on different days, people including myself have sent you replys, you just need to keep the one post going.
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  • Posted

    If you don't make any progress or find any relief or resolution it can make it worse. When I was really low I found myself going over and over the same negative conversations with my wife and they just made it worse.  I read something today where a woman described holding a glass of water and asked how heavy it was. She explained that if you held it for a minute it was light. Hold it for an hour and your arm may ache. Hold it for a day and your arm will hurt. Hold it for a week and eventually your arm will no longer be able to cope. Holding problems in your mind is the same as holding the glass in your hand. Every now and then you need to put it down and rest.
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  • Posted

    It sounds to me like your poor boyfriend has been keeping the lid on his, completely natural sense of grief and loss over the death of his wife.  It is extremely common to have an anniversary reaction.  That is on the anniversary of the death and loss of someone we love we feel sad, cry and a sense of loss.  Talking about feelings is the most sensible and human way of being in the world.  The fact that you felt like nothing you could do or say made any difference is what you'd expect really in the face of his loss.  Are you sure he was 'blankin' you and not just deep in his own sense of loss?  Try and be honest with him, really it is early days for him.  You could look up what Elizabeth Kubler Ross has to say about bereavement.  There are distinct stages to it and it can 3 to 5 years to reach resolution.  That doesn't mean you don't have a future together, just that it may take more than you are able to give.  I hope it works out.   When my dad died  my family got p*ssed off with me because my birthday is the same day as my dad's!  It was weird, but because I knew about bereavement processes I realised they couldn't help it, they were just missing him, the same as I was missing him.
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    • Posted

      I don't think he was deliberately blanking me just like he was too upset to be bothered with me. He did answer me when I spoke but even then a lot of the time he just said he didn't know. I'm thinking he's been trying to act happier than he has been with me which I completely understand. It's never easy admitting you are not happy with something. I have told him to be honest but I think he was probably trying to convince himself he was ready to move on when he obviously wasn't. One thing I do know is I've now got a much better understanding of depression now than I ever had before. Still probably don't know how it feels but I do understand more how it can effect someone. So even tho it was the toughest thing I've dealt with and I can only think of one thing that would be tougher I am glad I was there to get a better understanding. I did travel 2 hours to get to him for nothing but if he had told me not to bother because he was feeling down I would of gone mad and made him worse maybe even to extent of suicide which would of been 100% due to me never having or known anyone with depression. So I did need to see him to understand more.
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  • Posted

    It is hard to understand something you've not experienced, but I think you're doing great, so don't be too hard on yourself.  I suffer from depression and I can't always give people an answer to questions, either because my brain has slowed down and I can't process the question or because I just don't know the answer.  Depression can sometimes even make you virtually  unable to speak.  I'm sure your support means a lot to him, so take it easy, Rome wasn't built in a day, it takes tiime to resolve these kinds of issues.
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