Posted , 5 users are following.
Haven't been on here for a while trying to keep my nose clean and behave!! I now have decided I'm not depressed as I function to an extent even though quite often I self harm feel suicidal etc etc,binge eat, drink, mix with drugs take risks, been working hard almost to the extent of being punished during exercise classes really pushing myself almost to the extent of being sick or very dizzy, been making plans again too haven't told anyone until now. Not sure if I will kill myself but going to go away for a week not tell anyone where use my maiden name if book in anywhere use cash, or sleep in my car, see if anyone actually misses me. If not why return? Been getting very vivid visions when driving fast like over 90 especially last night (the road was empty so no other vehicles could of been involved) i do have concern of other road users I suppose sort of) of the car rolling over and over and over. i can even see it now writing this but it would have to done right don't want to be disabled anyway I digress.Today at work while in the stationery cupboard acted out slitting my throat only with my finger but the action to do it. Not that I have the guts to do it. Been getting vivid dreams nightmares mixed up with past events and current events but peopel I don;t know.
Is this being manic? mad? stupid? I don't want to talk to people ie GP, CPN I don't know this all seems so unreal. Been out tonight everything was unreal too.
Only meds before anyone asks diazepam as and when maximum 5mg or maybe some days 7.5mg a day. Not every day either.
This all looks silly written down has anyone else felt or experienced this? - button pressed now.
Cheers all xx
0 likes, 9 replies