Don't belittle Menopause
Posted , 19 users are following.
I like this forum because people come in with various issues that are discussed and a lot of useful information shared.
Recently i had a bad experience where one of the people replying to a post was dismissive of Menopause, said it was not "a disease" and will "go away". He/She was judgmental saying people were "moaning" about problems and they should only be "positive" the person was telling people how they should and should not feel. The person also mockingly suggested that Menopause is making us women get angry etc, thereby belittling an entire gender in the old fashioned way of resorting to Menopause and PMS when they run out of arguments
I feel this is a forum where people should be allowed to vent, complain, share, discuss, joke, protest, whine etc as long as it makes them feel better, without people dictating how we should be feeling. It is a trying phase in our lives and it is not always easy to go on "being positive" like a programmed robot. We are humans. I like the information i get here. i also think the more we demand the more the medical community will spend on researching and helping this condition.
How many of you agree?
16 likes, 61 replies
cindy_45475 mee16031
Posted
I agree, we need this site, we need each other. my husband tries to be supportive, but he just does not understand that we need to rant at times; we need to cry, to moan, we need to joke and most of all we need to be understood x
unico31026 mee16031
Posted
I agree!
Guest mee16031
Posted
I agree that people should be allowed to "vent, complain, share, discuss, joke, protest, whine etc" on these forums, IF that makes them feel better. Some people have that as a coping strategy, others do not. Everyone experiences menopause differently and everyone copes in different ways - same with any condition or adversity. I know the discussion and the lady to whom you are referring and I think it was just a case of wrong person in the wrong place. In the interests of being a supportive community, perhaps you should not been so quick to judge her. I know this lady - she helped and guided me on the path to being pain free after suffering with vulvodynia for a year. She gave me good practical advice on what to do to cure myself of that incidious condition - if you look at the vulvodynia forums you will see that several women on there are now pain free due to her help - this painful condition has been seriously neglected by drs - they have no idea what causes it and even less ideas about how to cure it and many women have had that relentless burning pain for many years - our only hope is to find out what worked for other women. At one of the most difficult times in my life, her positive attitude is what kept me going on the path to being pain free. And there is also a place for positivity on the menopause forums - in fact, I note someone has just started a post on that very subject today - some of us need to hear about how others have successfully coped and from those who have, as the poster put it "been through it and come out the other end unscathed". I think it is a case of finding what approach helps you and finding the right discussion to be in.
mee16031 Guest
Posted
"Better to spend the money on finding cures for actual conditions or diseases such as cancer, which do not eventually go away on their own"
This is what she said and then changed tracks.
If we have to hear how others successfully coped then they should be encouraged to first speak about their problems (moan, complain whatever) acknowledge it is indeed a problem and then discuss, share solutions. There is enough money in the medical community, it is not necessary to take from Menopause research and give you Cancer or vice versa. Also Menopause is an "actual condition" it may not be death but for many people it is living death, prolonged agony. There is absolutely no need to bring in cancer here and pit one against the other. Making people feel bad that they are complaining about Menopause while there are "real" things like cancer out there is just wrong.
Guest mee16031
Posted
I know this lady, we private message often. She is widely keeping out of this discussion. How many times do I have to tell you that she was trying to portray the medical viewpoint of menopause, not her viewpoint, albeit rather clumsily. She tried to ecolin this later on but had (and clearly still ha e) made up your mind on the matter. To me, you are the one coming across as judgemental. You also appear to be unwilling to accept that there are different ways for people to cope. There is no right way - you like to moan and vent and sympathise, others prefer to think positively and have an I will not let this get the better if me approach. Hy do you keep trying to prove you are right? Everyone is different and should be allowed to do what works for them.
Guest
Posted
Not 'widely'. I meant 'wisely'.
sabrina1971 mee16031
Posted
Well they can't let it go because they are on here a lot and now starting up threads to compete with yours. I mean, really. Where is the eye roll emoji when you need it.
Guest sabrina1971
Posted
This is the kind of negativity we don't need to see on here and more appropriate for a private message. It is like being back at school where people say snide things about you when they know you are listening. Really, ladies, surely at our age we are above this!
Sassyr12a Guest
Posted
I agree Jules. I'm not here to pick a side, just here to learn from others and support people if I can. This journey is hard enough as it is. I like a bit of positivity and try to spread it cos quite frankly if I started moaning/crying about it I doubt I'd stop 😊 xx
sabrina1971 Guest
Posted
I don't think you appreciated the irony of my comment. Never mind! 😄
Guest sabrina1971
Posted
It is difficult to get your true meaning across in text, when people cannot hear the tone of your voice or see your body language - we should all bear that in mind before judging others. I wasn't just talking about your comment above, I saw the remarks you and Mee were making to each other in the discussion Mee is referring to, remarks about the lady I think Mee is referring to. Remarks that you knew full well that she would be able to see on a public forum. Such remarks are more suitable for private messages.
sabrina1971 Guest
Posted
I was not in that discussion so policing on where I should speak and not speak is quite irrelevant. Sorry for the confusion!
Guest sabrina1971
Posted
Sorry, got the wrong person. Damn that meno
brain fog!
sabrina1971 Guest
Posted
I'd do the same. No worries.
mee16031 Guest
Posted
I am not trying to be negative at all here. It's very weird for someone to come into a Menopause forum and say it's not not a disease, it will go away, cancer needs the funding more etc.
I have got a lot of info here, people went from being sad and negative posting depressing stuff and then went on to become positive as they learnt to cope. They shared that journey thru their posts and there is so much to learn from that. People can't be "positive" all the time and shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of feeling negative or depressed at times.
Guest mee16031
Posted
The 'good vibes' post also has a lot of support - like I said, everyone has their own way of coping, there is no right or wrong way, just what works for you. No one is saying people have to be positive all the time, just that people should be allowed to be themselves and do what works for them. AND choose which discussions they join wisely, or they may soon find themselves judged and out of place!