Don't feel like living anymore

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Hi folks just wanted to share my story cause i am really getting on the edge now. My anxiety problems started about 5 months ago with severe panic atack and at that time i though it was a heart atack and ended up in A&E where i was told it was hust muscle pain. Shortly after i started having aches and pains all over the body which changes by the day (neck/head/chest/arms/shoulders/face) for all the time i couldn't accept it was only anxiety and every time i though it was more severe i ended up in A&E (around 20 times by now) just to be told it was anxiety and i've had echo/dozen of ECG's/at least 20 blood tests/24h holter/3 chest X-Ray/cat scan on my head and x-ray on my neck. All comes back clear except slightly low vitamin D levels.I can't concentrate on anything and my mind is constantly looking for symptoms and in the same time i am always worried about bills/work/housing and other stuff and this is driving me literally insane, i cant find any interests anymore and i am afraid to do any exercise or even walking cause i am always worried about my heart rate which i check like 20 times a day or more... The only thing that kept me going so far is my girlfriend which left me yesterday cause she couldn't continue dealing with my anxiety issue and without her i see no point in living anymore ... The truth is most of my friends are common friends and although she said we can still be friends i can't stop loving her cause she is the first person that i ever saw potential future with and i love her with all my heart and right now i can't stop thinking how stuped and pathetic i am for losing her because of my anxiety... I really don't know what to do but i don't want to live anymore and in my mind it's best if i just put an end to all. 

Sorry for the bad english

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  • Posted

    Hi Mitch,

    Health anxiety is scary and it seems like it is a downward spiral.  It sounds like you have had all the possible tests done and have a clean bill of health.  All of the aches, pains, and symptoms are caused by anxiety.  I have been dealing with this for 2 months and it has taken a toll on my daily life, which I want my normal life back desperately.  I too feel horrible for all the things I have missed out on becuase I am stuck in my head.  I finally hit bottom with a full on panic attack that was awful and knew I needed help.  I started therapy and I am just starting some anxiety meds.  It is going to be hard, but I want my life back. 

    I hope that you can find peace and start to make progress.  Make a plan on how you want to tackle this anxiety and find some people that can give you support.  Best of luck and hang in there. 

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  • Posted

    You sound just like me my friend. 5 months ago as well. All the same symptoms. I got rushed to the ER as well. And after that its been a downward spiral. For a while it was bad. Just like you I couldn't do anything. I even was scared to go work because of everything. Sounds like you've been checked and everything looks amazing. So don't be afraid. Get back out there. That's the best thing you can do for you. Trust me. I started exercising after 4 months. Little by little. I started socializing little by little. I hated going out Cuz I was afraid something was going to happen while I was out. I still do. But can't let anxiety win. Better get busy living. This is the only life we get. I'm always here if you wanna talk. Sounds like we've been through the same things.

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  • Posted

    Dear Mitch,

    Have you been to a mental health physician.  Although I am sure you are not crazy, you are obviously suffering some kind of mental breakdown.  First thing you need to do is pray to God the Father in the name of Jesus. Ask God to reveal himself to you and tell you what steps you need to take to get better.  You may be surprised or doubtful, but it is for certain that your spirit and mind are connected and whatever affects your spirit affects your mind, or vice versa.  After God speaks to you (I know He will by means of revelation or dream or directly to your heart), go to a mental health physician so they can give you medication to help you with your depression.  Please, stop thinking all those negative thoughts and trust God with all your heart.  Jesus is the only one who can help you with your situation.  How would ending your life help?  It would cause suffering on those who ove you; and the Bible says that no murderers will go to Heaven, and that includes ending your own life.  God bless you.  A friend in Christ.

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    • Posted

      Hi Blanca funny you said that as i spoke with someone from my church today and he said something quite simular to you but at the time i was so angry at god because he let the girl i valued most in my life to go away. i do have prescribtion for some anxiety pills from my GP but eversince all of this started i am really scared to take any meds exept paracetamol and that in very low dose as well as i tend to google and read everything ( IT person ) and then i get really scared from side effects and can't help it.  Also i have scadualed CBT in about 1 month from now but frankly i don't know if i can make it till then ... 

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    • Posted

      I know that and i do belive it but in the same time it feels as he has taken the one thing that made sense in my life at this moment although in the end it's entirely my fault 

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  • Posted

    Talk to the pharmacist and get vitamin supplements. And nutrition drinks. Have you been getting enough sunshine. You'll probably need exercise, medicine and counseling and keep that friendship with your ex girlfriend going

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    • Posted

      I have vitamin D supplements and i take quite a lot of fruits lately but i don't get much sunshine as i work with computers so i don't get to see much of the sun 

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  • Posted

    Hi Mitch,

    I want to start by saying you are not alone. Trust me, my life went from active to being anxiety's slave in an instant. Im convinced they just haven't found out what's wrong yet.

    In saying that, remember this: SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO TEMPORARY PROBLEMS. As for your girlfriend, if she can't support your they it and not quit, she's not worth it. It hurts, I know. I hate medicine and found that staying busy helps and a light dose of Ativan to take the edge off. I don't take it everyday but sometimes several times a day. I have a cycle of symptoms. When one leaves another one appears. But I refuse, I mean REFUSE to let this get to me. I have a life to live, a legacy to impose for my kids. Now pull yourself up by the boot straps and give anxiety the middle finger. Hugs

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    • Posted

      I always believed in "Love Conquers All" and for once in my life i though i saw some future with me and my ex and i hate myself at the moment for letting anxiety ruin this ....  just wished i'd know what to do as without her it feels impossible to ever get out of this mess and even if i do don't know what's the point in life anymore 

      Thanks for the support sabrina and all the rest ! 

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    • Posted

      Dear Mitch,

      You mentioned you are connected to a church or something; make sure they believe in the Word of God as it is written in the Bible.  It looks like you have not yet experienced a true relationship with Jesus, because when you get to really know Him, you would not even think of taking your own life.  It is one think to feel like you don't want to live and to want to die (many of us have been there); but to think of ending your life is very bad.  I can tell you from experience that I know what anxiety is.  About two years ago I had a nervous breakdown due to nervous twitching throughout my body, speciallly my jaw.  I couldn't sleep at all.  It was a horrible experiene that I won't wish upon my worst enemy; something I could not control.  Wherever I went I felt like people were looking at me thinking there was something wrong with me.  I am not a bad looking woman, and when I would look at myself in the mirror, I didn't see anything wrong, but the symptoms that I felt told a different story.  I started going to psychotherapy sessions and also started taking meds.  At first, they made me more depressed.  I went back to my church since I had been away from my church for about  a year.  Within a month of going back to my church I was feeling much better.  I don't believe what I had could have gone away by itself or even with the meds that I was taking.  I give the glory to God because He set me free.  One powerful weapon against all troubles and fears is praise unto God.  Please try it. The worst you feel, meditate on God and try to think of the blessings He has given you.  Truly having a grateful spirit and worship unto God are the greatest weapons you can have. Please do not give up; and try not to speak negative, because the word of God says, that life and death are in the power of your tongue; and whatsoever you confess with your lips, that you shall receive.  Please speak peace and victory consistently, and it will come to you; and if your girlfriend is the right one for you, God will bring her back to you.  If not, you will find someone new and better for you.

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    • Posted

      I noticed you mentioned you work with computers.  I hope you don't have to spent many hours looking at a computer screen.  Do you know that computers can affect you in a very bad way if you have to use them for many hours on end.  Have you thought of going for a new career; pursuing a new trade or getting a new job? You sound like a young person, like you have your whole life ahead of you and don't even realize it.  You can probably have a more interesting life and meet new people.  You can do all things with God's help and guidance.

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    • Posted

      Hi Blanca yes i work in a computer shop as hardeare&software engineer and i spend nearly 34/7 infront of a computer, I'm also 27 and i do the sound as PA in the church. At the moment changong jobs is impossible as im on a very very low pay (my boss is taking advantage) but there is nothing i can do at the moment ad all of my reletives and friends are abroad and i cant risk getting a new job and starting to have panic atacks there as none will put up with it. Church wise i try to be active as much ad i can but dont have many chances there as my church is quite far from where i live and work in london. Meeting people is something i love as well but lately i cant stop thinking about anxiety and symptoms and that is not good for socializing.

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    • Posted

      At the time I became sick with anxiety disorder, I was constantly on my ipad researching items to sell on Ebay.  I have found when I spent too much time on the computer I start to fill a pressure in my head and get symptoms similar to a head cold, and I actually end up getting sick from allergies, and start having trouble sleeping.  When I researched this, I found that many young kids who spent extensive hours on the computer get sick with imsomnia and even cancer.  Do you have any State Welfare program that may be able to assist you?  I know that where I live they do have Health Programs that helped while I got better, or may be able to offer you a temporary solution to your present needs.  Pray about it wholeheartedly and trust God.  I'm sure He will steer you in the right direction.  God bless you.

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