Don’t People Understand?

Posted , 11 users are following.

Is there something people (with or with experience with depression) don’t understand? It’s sort of like everything I post here gets the superficial answer. We all know what that is:

“Go see a counselor. Go talk to a doctor. “

Don’t people understand that it’s essentially taboo in certain communities to go to a counselor? Don’t people understand that if a doctor knows, prescribes you medicine, your whole family knows? 

(And yes, there are families out there who laugh at the idea of mental health. Let alone want it on their med records.)

Don’t people understand that certain people are held to such a high standard, that certain people are role models who have to be perfect and strong individuals who don’t have mental illnesses?

Why is it that even though I explain in a discussion board that I do not want to confide in another person, people still suggest counseling or visiting a doctor?

Why is it that everyone suggests seeking help from a trusted individual, counselor, general practitioner?

What if people are extremely private? I don’t get it. 

Call me ignorant all you want. But the last time I checked I wasn’t exactly in the position to confide in anyone, take a year off school to focus on mental health or take prescription medicine from a gp. And I’ve heard plenty of instances where counseling never helped.

What do you do to help those sorts of people? Nothing?

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    You're not ignorant. I understand. It leaves me really hopeless when I tell someone about something that's really bothering me and they just tell me to go see my doctor. It feels like they don't care and especially on a site like this! We write here because we don't wanna go to the doctor, don't wanna talk with a counselor. I have recommended to some people in posts to contact their doctor but I ALWAYS write a lot more than that, supporting them, giving tips, sharing my own experience ect., I'm never just telling them to go to the doctor, I'm always doing my very best to support and help, spending lots of time on my comments. 

    Good day xx

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  • Posted

    I have genuine physical problems that the NHS are choosing to ignore because they can blame it on "Anxiety" and "depression", I so wish I hadn't taken peoples advice to see the NHS about counseling many years ago due to an abused childhood as people told me to.

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  • Posted

    I don't exactly know what it is you want, how can anyone help if you don't want to confide in someone, and most people on here give good advice because they have gone through it and experienced it themselves and believe me ,there are lots of people on here that do understand, and know that a GP or counsellor is needed even though the person suffering doesn't want to go down that route, I think your being quite unfair saying Don't people understand,the simple answer is Yes we do!

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    • Posted

      I was gonna write a reply but you've said everything I would say!

      I don't understand what we're meant to say. We're here as a support system we're not medically trained professionals we cant offer anything but advice & sharing our own experiences. If you don't want to see a doctor or talk to anyone or help yourself then don't expect strangers on the internet to magically cure you. There is no cure for depression there are ways to deal with it/minimize/control it. Also no-one has the ability to read minds so if you can't vocalise or share or anonymously write your feelings down or tell anyone what's going on then no-one will ever be able to help.

      I'm so so grateful to all the people on here that have taken time to reply to my posts even when they're feeling so awful themselves. Sometimes all you need are kind words of encouragement or just to feel listened to & that's why we're here for each other. 

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  • Posted

    I don't think people mean to post 'superficial suggestions or advice'.. I think most people say gp, counselling etc as that's often (not always) the first step and people are speaking from experience. Of course, not everyone will suggest this it just depends on who is posting and what experience has helped that person. I've only been on the forum a short while but I have found that majority of people who comment genuinely are just trying to offer honest caring advice based on what information OP has provides.

    I understand how lonely, frustrating and debilititating depression can be having suffered with it for many years.

    I think you are doing the right thing by reaching out on the forum as you obviously are struggling with depression. I find sometimes offloading on here helps.

    Do keep posting. Take care

    L x

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  • Posted

    Hi a01894

    I don't think it's a case of anyone here not understanding. People posting on this forum have experience of depression and mental health problems but are not professionals, just normal people struggling like you are. We know it is very unusual to recover from longstanding depression without external help - whether that be from medications or some kind of therapy or both. Unfortunately most of these are accessed via seeking help from a professional in the field. It's never easy to seek help, we all understand the stigma of mental health problems and it is very real. But if we don't change our actions then nothing else will change.

    There are some things that can be done to help with mental illness without seeking professional help - eating a healthy diet, taking regular exercise, getting out of the house to get some vitamin D from the sunlight, making sure you get enough sleep, practice mindfulness, relaxation techniques, joining groups and clubs to extend your social circle, taking certain natural remedies such as St John's Wort. All of these can be very helpful for good mental health. But if these do not work (and often with depression, these help but not enough) our only other realistic choice is to seek advice from a professional that can help us to access more targeted help.

    There is also the option of going to a private service if you can afford it - this may help to keep certain things out of your medical records. If confiding in people face to face is too hard, maybe consider telephone, email or Skype counselling. There are also online CBT courses which may be helpful.

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  • Posted

    Well in that case nothing will change then and I can't see the point of asking for advice on a mental health site!  Of course we don't understand the taboos of other countries if we live in one where it's acceptable to seek help!  Why should we?  Do you understand our countries?  We are only ordinary people you know who suffer from mental health issues,  we are not medical professionals or anything. 

    I think you are dead set against counselling for other reasons that you state eg fear of it?  Feeling less like a person?  I know plenty of instances (including myself) where counselling is a life saver.  Why not give it a chance if you can?  You could always avoid your doctor and go private where no one would know you.

    I wish you the best.  x

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  • Posted

    Yes, I understand. I am 18 and my parents do not believe in therapy or medication. They think I should just learn to cope with life and they do not believe that depression/anxiety are actual disorders that can be caused by chemical imbalance in the brain. 

    ?Try exercising. It is clinically proven to help people mentally. Meditation, yoga. Clear your mind and body. Taking up a new hobby. Keeping the brain occupied with things you enjoy to do... I know that can be hard since depression makes everything completely unenjoyable.. I know this is not what you want to hear, but depression can be very serious and even if you don't feel you want to confide in somebody, if nothing is working for you it may be time to put some faith in others.. we give that advice because we have been in your position and know it is some of the only things that have helped. You cannot live the rest of your life feeling this way and I'm sure you don't want to, either. After years of tip toeing around my mental illness I go to therapy in private at my school. Nobody knows except me and my counselor.. and truly it has helped. No meds so far. No reason to take a year off school. 

    ?I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and I hope things start to look up for you soon.

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  • Posted

    Hi a01894 - recommending medical intervention for depression is not a "superficial answer." It can be the only answer for those who have battled black thoughts and feelings, have spent years or decades self medicating, battling addictions, homelessness, rejection from society, isolation - all while screaming into the dark on an endless, terrifying roller-coaster ride. Then there are those who denigrate those survivors because they sought help. And then there are those who have never tried the process and don't know what they are talking about.

    Thank you for confiding in us.

     

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  • Posted

    Thank you all for your support.
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