Don't want to go on!!!!

Posted , 8 users are following.

In brief, got married coming up to 2 years in July. 7 weeks before wedding was admitted to hospital with severe body tremors had all tests done and came back inconclusive apart from an under active thyroid. Suffering from muscle aches , panic attacks, depression and a split personality ( welcome the menopause). Put in the following pills: levothyroxine (dosage keeps going up 100 mg, B12 injections, iron and vit D, fluoxetine 40mg, amitriptyline 30mg. In September I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and in Nov had a radical hysterectomy and lymph nodes taken away then put on HRT. In March my husband tells me that I've pushed him away and no longer loves me. I'm talking to a counsellor at "maggies" but I have days when I really don't want to live anymore. TODAY IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS 😢😢😢. My eldest son (23) lives overseas and my youngest 17 lives at home and it's so unfair for him to see me when I depressed. 90% of the time I'm putting on a brave face but I'm tired of doing this now xx

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Tracey, Im so sorry that you are feeling this way right now. I understand how you feel about it being unfair to your family for seeing you like this.....but remember this time of your life is about you right now. Im not trying to sound mean I just am saying that its ok for you to have the feelings that you do. We are all trying to figure this out. You are hormonal normal. You will feel better soon but you have to take some time to focusing on yourself. Try to keep your mind active even if it is simply coloring or doing laundry. As far as you and your husband would he be willing to get counseling with you? You will get back to normal soon. Please keep reading and posting on here. There are some great ladies on this site that have been through it all. Please hang on, things will get better.
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    • Posted

      Aww Im sorry sad I hope that he will change his thoughts and you can both work it out. Please make sure that you take care of yourself and talk to us if you keep feeling this way. Dont feel like you are alone. We are here for you anytime

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  • Posted

    Hi Tracey... I understand about struggling with putting on a brave face, getting up every day and convincing myself to keep going.  You have been through a lot.  Be gentle with yourself and get the support you need.  We are here for you.  Keep reaching out.  Take it a step, a breath, at a time.
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  • Posted

    Hi Tracey dear, I am sorry to hear what you have gone through and how you feel. But see some of the nightmare is behind. You will get better and soon put today's feelings behind too.

    I am sure your 17 year loves you abd understands you. Does he know you are going through meno?

    Try to keep yourself busy. Do the things you like; reading, gardening, walking, cooking etc. We are here. Every one of us feel down and depressed at times with so many symptoms. That's why I find this group great help and support. We will keep chatting here. Take good care.

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  • Posted

    Hi Tracey. I'm so sorry for all you've been through but as you well know by now there are a lot of us here on this site that are going through the samething you are. Your son living at home you might want to sit down with him and try to tell him what is happening, he is old enough now to understand that's it life for us ladies to go through this. I am on clonazepam but have been on that for years to help my sleeping issue which I got from having mono for over 6 months, back in the middle 80's.I am also on blood pressure meds.  I am 60 years old now, I believe I started menopause in 2008 but not sure, I had a partial hystorectomy about 29 years ago, so no clue about periods stopping. My husband doesn't understand my problems and just walks away, so I come here to this website, it does help knowing we're not alone. I too take vitamins of all sorts. I do take an over the counter menopause pill, there are plenty out there and it is now starting to help with my hot flashes, the fatigue might not be as bad as it was but still have it, but only been on this OTC pill for 3 weeks, says to give it at least 60 days I believe it was. I also have BMS, burning mouth syndrome believed to be from menopause but taking the b12 seems to be helping a lot with that. My husband and I went through an explosion in our home, he spent 1 month in the burn unit, I loss 3 birds but our 3 dogs and cat and one bird did survive, this was all during my menopause issues which have become more intense since the accident in 2015, we just moved in our new home on our property, but I sure kept busy, the key word BUSY! Try to get into reading, coloring as one said, crocheting, knitting some kind of craft work, I crochet, even baking maybe. I know easier said than done. Breathing can help too, deep breathing. Another female friend at your age maybe going through this too might help or just have for you to listen to. Remember though, this site here has a lot of the same issues you are feeling, my anxiety hasn't been to bad now, I also have panic attacks but all seem to be okay right now, hopefully that OTC pill is helping me now, there are plenty of OTC natural pills out there but you might as your doctor or pharmacy if you can take them if you are on other meds of any kind, just to make sure, caffeine is one of the ingredients which so far so good with my blood pressure readings, I follow that everyday along with blood test at home for diabetes because I was pre diabetic but that's all good for now too, watching sugar intake! Take care and write to anyone here when you feel low as you are now, we understand and are going through much of what you are too! Hope this has helped settled your nerves down some! Thinking of you Tracey, you'll make it through this too!

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  • Posted

    I also meant to add to my message that your sons love you and your 17 year old needs his mother yet, those two right there are a reason for you to fight through all this menopausal issues and maybe a chance still your husband will see that you need him, if he doesn't, its his loss! You need time for you right now but keep in mind your kids and other family members love you, don't forget about them, ever!

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  • Posted

    Hi Tracey,

    So sorry that you're going through all of this.  There are many lovely ladies on this site who will support you!  

    You are going through a terrible time, cancer is a devastating diagnosis! I suggest that you let both your sons know what's going on with you.  They are certainly old enough to understand, and sharing your experiences with them can help them to be the men that you would want them to grow up to be, caring, considerate and understanding--not the self-centered, self-absorbed man that your husband is acting like.  The man seems to have no empathy for you at all.  If he actually doesn't, then it's his loss, and you're better off not having to deal with him.  As if during your life-threatening illness you still had to take care of him...but believe me, you're not the only one who's had a reaction like this from their spouse or significant other when they became critically ill.  I know that doesn't provide much comfort, but it's true.  

    Bearing up is a good thing for you to do, but being willing to be vulnerable in front of people who love you will allow them to offer you support.  That's what families are for.  Life is hard at times, it's not all a rose garden.  

    You are a strong woman!  You've already experienced so much, please persevere for your own and your son's sake!  Feel how you feel and then move forward...we're here for you!  (((BIG HUG)))

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    • Posted

      Thank u so much for your reply. My 17 year old has been by side throughout everything, he's really taken on the role of the husband as far as support goes and he's seen me at my lowest during the cancer treatment. Im already having counselling through a cancer support group BUT the person I expected to go through this with me wasn't there and that's what's hurting me the most. I had to go back to work 5 weeks after my op as my company decided not to pay me so the whole thing has been absolutely horrendous. Believe me when I say that I'm strong but every now and then j could quite easily call it a day. Xx

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    • Posted

      Forgot to mention that my family are not really the best for support. No one talks about it. No one even asks how I am. They were not around when I came out of hospital which put even more pressure on my son then I was rushed back into hospital complications. I feel like I've gone through this 18 month nightmare totally on my own xx

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    • Posted

      I'm sorry to learn that your family, with the exception of your sons, has not been supportive. My husband and children were--and I have a couple of friends who were there for me, too.  I got my diagnosis and had a radical hysterectomy last year.

      However, I was still the one who felt as though I was living with a target on my forehead.  It's taken a while for that feeling to dissipate.  But every twinge I experience can still freak me out.  

      At times, I also felt as though living with the fear and the medical issues weren't worth it.  But I wanted to live more than I wanted to die.  Your sons love you--and they need you.  

      In our messed up patriarchal society, men are the ones who have been singled out as examples of heroism.  While some have been "heroic" I think that generally, nothing could have be further from the truth.  I think of the many generations of women who were treated little better than cattle.  Women who lived in uncertainty and poverty, bore children, nursed them and lost them to famine, disease and war.  Women are the real heros.... 

        

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  • Posted

    Hi Tracry, I'm going through some pretty rough meno symptoms as well.My anxiety was through the roof five months ago, but seems to be a little more controllable now that i see a psychotherapist. Now I have some depression and very bad mood swing. My hot flashes are easing up quite a bit now, but every now and then I wake up sweating and I think it's because i'm haveing a panic attack in my sleep. I wake up early every morning. I couldn't sleep at all in the beginning when the anxiety was really bad. My doctor gave me xanax to help me sleep, but even with that I only slept 4 hours at the most.. I didn't take it for more then 3 weeks as it is very addicting. I have it for emergencies only! I don't like taking medication of any sort. I do however have IBS and take Librax for that which helps with my anxiety as well as my stomach.Last week I made my husband go to my psychotherapist with me so that she could fill him in on how I was feeling. He's been very supportive, but I think he needed to hear from a professional that everything I was going through wasn't my fault or just in my head. I will try to instant message you and give you the name of a website thats very informative. If I put it on here they will delete my post. Please go talk to someone. We are all going to get through this eventually. I just think of all the women out there that have already been through it and are fine. That keeps me positive, because i'm a very negative person.

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