Downward Sprial

Posted , 4 users are following.

I've suffered from depression since the age of 17. Over the years I have been on Citalopram, Venlafaxine, Fluoxetine. I have had various therapy & counselling which was not helpful at all. I have coped relatively well with my depression although I have had some terrible relapses & anxiety that prevented me from working for a while & one (clearly unsucessful) suicide attempt. I never want to go back to feeling like there is no way out but over the past year every single aspect of my life has started to fall apart.

I'm stuck in a job I despise that doesn't pay enough for me to live off, I am doing nothing but applying for other jobs & getting nowhere.

Trying to stay on top of my finances is another stress. I don't have friends. I find it hard to maintain relationships - I don't know if it's just me or people are just complete arseholes. I just hate myself, I hate being me I hate my apperance. I'm doing my best to better all of these things but it's getting too much. 

I feel like I have no purpose, no reason to still exist other than for my family. I'm just at a complete loss, feel like I'm drowning & don't have much fight left in me. I'm only 24 & don't want to give up on myself but each day is getting harder.

Sorry this is so long, once I started I couldn't stop. 

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi yasmine

    I'm saddened that you are suffering at such a young age. You certainly have a purpose and life will definitely improve. Right now you need to look at what you have already achieved whilst suffering with depression. You have managed to work and apply for jobs. It's difficult to find jobs these days but sooner or later you will find a new job with better pay.

    friendships can be hard going when you are feeling overwhelmed, but try not to rule everyone out.

    Try hard to look at your good qualities rather than telling yourself that you hate yourself. You come across as a very nice person suffering with depression. Are you under a psychiatrist or just the gp? I'm on a combo of venlafaxine and mirtazipine, it's working really well. I hope you get the right meds and resources to get yourself better. Life holds lots of opportunities and they will come you way at the right time ♥

    Please don't give up on getting yourself better. Call gp today if you can xx

    god bless ♥

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    • Posted

      Hi Lorraine,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to reply with such kind words.

      I am doing my best to stay positive & maybe I am too hard on myself at times.

      I'm under my GP, I think he will advise I go back on Fluxotine as it did help but I just hated having to take medication, made me feel weak - I know that sounds silly. Hopefully it will help get me back on track.

      Thanks again, really appreciate your help & advice x

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  • Posted

    Hi Yasmine, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through it! I too feel much the same way as you. We have to keep telling ourselves that things will get better ...and they will. It just takes a lot of time and finding the right meds and the right therapy. I've started exercising recently (and I normally wouldn't be seen dead in a gym) but it has helped my mood. If you have time is highly recommended a bit of light exercise as it is a good antidepressant. I know it's probably really hard to think about doing that right now but believe me if you can it helps. Also talking to the right people about how you're feeling and getting stuff off your chest can I think help, but it has to be the right people who will not judge and just listen. My heart goes out to you and I hope you feel better soon!
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    • Posted

      Hi Benny,

      Thank you for you reply - it's a big comfort to know that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling.

      I have recently changed my diet & started exercising at home & it does help on the days I can force myself to get started.

      I do find it hard to vocalise my feelings sometimes which is why I'm glad I've found this site.

      Thank you for you great advice it's much appreciated.

      Hope things improve everyday for you & you find the happiness you deserve x 

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    • Posted

      Thank you Yasmine I'm glad I could offer a bit of support and that's what is great about this site is talking to people with very similar problems. Take it easy, Ben X
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  • Posted

    Hi yasmine

    sorry to hear about your situation.

    At the same time Its good that you are fighting for your family.

    Remember giving up is easy but holding on needs some beating.

    Depression triggers negative emotions in our heads and makes us believe that we are failure as a person.

    But life is not about winning or loosing. It is about staying in the game with your fundamental values.

    take care

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much.

      That's exactly what I need to remember when I'm feeling like this. I know it all starts from my own mind so that's what I need to try & improve.

      Really do appreciate your reply, thank you x

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