Early peri menopausal could use advice!

Posted , 11 users are following.

Hi all

I would welcome any advice from your ladies.  This is my first time posting int his forum.  I just went 40 in October last year and had been suffering from severe anxiety since February last year (not the first time) and was put on Citalopram.  After the anxiety started dying down and I paid attention to my body I realised my periods had changed dramatically, swinging from happening every 16 days for a few months to then 5 or 6 weekly for a few months and then back again.  During a routine visit to my GP we talked about this and I mentioned my mother had gone through the menopause by the time she was 43 and she agreed with me that I was probably entering into the menopause (being peri menopausal).  

I have some terrible symptoms such as flatulance, really painful bloating, sweats during the night etc but my main issue really is the mood swings.  Especially during the months when I'm having a period every 16 days like now I really struggle.  It seems like I'm Jekyll and Hyde from week to week. The usual PMT issues which I've always had, tearful, angry, depressed, anxiety etc but what is really disturbing me the most is that for the last 9 months it's  not just the moods but my whole attitude to my life changes.  This includes thinking badly of my oldest child and my husband, the oldest being 20 years old.  I have (in my head) left my husband many times, I feel my heart sink when he comes home from work, I'm imagining all sorts of things about him, he doesn't care etc etc and I'm terrified I'm going to do something stupid like leave him and regret it.  The strength of these feelings are overpowering.  The thing is I KNOW I love him and he's a good man and treats me well.  We get on just fine when I don't feel like this and I know I'm bloody hard work at the moment.  I have tried talking to him about all of this but bless him he's not exactly the most empathetic of people and I feel it goes in one ear and out the other. When I do feel bad I'm telling him things like he isn't making enough time for me, that I can't carry on with this feeling the way I do and the next week I feel different.  

Is there any way to feel better about this?  I'm usually such a self confident, happy person, grateful for what I have etc but this is ruining my life.  Sorry for the over dramatics but that's how I feel.  Advice would be really appreciated.

Louise xxx

2 likes, 20 replies

Report / Delete

20 Replies

Next
  • Posted

    I would see your Dr specifically to review your changed cycle. Get them to do a full blood test and find out if you are anemic - if you are it is easily solved with the correct iron treatment. Ask them to do a ultrsound scan to double check to see if you have fibroids as this could explain a few things. Tell Dr about the moods. Best to get all these things done to double check. Men are men and I'm afraid they have their worries these days like job worries/bills/looking after the family - but he will be there if it is serious.
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Louise

    I totally get where you are coming from. I too started having peri symptoms in my very early 40s. I'm 44 now and I sometimes genuinely think my life is over. I too have a loving partner but I find myself feeling very like you and wanting to walk away from him and feel very unloving towards him to the point where I sometimes cant be in the same room as him and him trying in his own way to 'help' just makes me feel even more hostile towards him.

    He doesn't really understand, as a man how can he to be honest and I find myself trying to talk to him about the tiredness and the other horrid symptoms and his answer is ' eat better and get more exercise'. Easy for him. Impossible when your energy level is on the floor!

    I'm not sure I can offer much in the way of advice about how to feel better cos I'm still searching myself but what I can do is say you're not alone and I hope in some way that helps you feel less isolated.

    All we can do is keep plodding through the mass of physical and emotional symptoms and try to find the light at the end.

    Much love, Lisa xx

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Lisa

      Thanks so much for replying, I really appreciate it.  So nice to know I'm not on my own.  I can't really talk to anyone about this as my friends are all the same age and not in the same situation hormonally.  

      I forgot to mention that I have really gone off sex.  My husband told me he sometimes thought I didn't "like him in that way" anymore.  The truth is most of the time I dont!  It's not him I know, it's me.  And yes what you said is right, how can they possibly get it?  My mother isn't really excellent at advice as she's very much the type of person who talks about herself most of the time but still I am grateful that there is at least someone I can mention this to.  

      Do you have erratic periods also?  My mother tells me this is normal and they will start to get further and further apart before stopping.  Like I said mainly I am worried about the way my mind works when feeling like this, I know it's not fair and my youngest child (12) is picking up on it.  She keeps asking if I'm ok and saying I look miserable.  

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Louise

      Yep, I've totally gone off sex, on the rare occasions that we do it I don't really enjoy it and to be honest I'm sometimes glad when its over and I get the same thing every time from my fella and that's ' you've gone off me' .

      My cycle has changed a lot. I use to be every 25-30 days but now my my cycle can range from 17 - 60 days and my periods have got lighter and sometimes all I get is dark brown discharge. My mum and sister both sailed through their menopause and I'm feeling like a pile of poo most of the time!

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thanks Lisa, nice knowing I'm not on my own.  TMI but I don't even have the urges on my own.  I don't enjoy it either on the rare time we do it but I do feel like a bad wife for not taking part.  I used to work with an older lady who made me laugh by calling the rare times "an obliger".
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      That's a good description. I got through it the other day by reminding myself that there was cake in the fridge and I could have some after! Bad!!

      Take care, big hugs xx

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Louise,

      "An obliger"-omg I am here in my living room laughing so hard all by myself, I am crying! cheesygrinThat is hilarious and such a brutally honest term. Love it! 

      Thanks for making my night end on a happy note!

      Annie xx

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      your not on your own had a fantastic sex life till some years back now think it would be nice sometimes but the feeling passes before i get to the end of the thought . I to get the you have gone off me line which dose not help when i am in certan moods and just gets me wound up and angery .hubby has been more understanding after i had diagnosis and is trying to be supportive but dont stop the feelings i have of not wanting to be near him in that way thought i was a horribel person for feeling the way i do but have tried to be a dutiful wife and it dont work so glad i am not on my own 
      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Louise, going through something very similar to yourself...

    so sending you a hug just so you know your not the only one.... with these symptoms...

    someone just needs to mention a certain family members name to me and i explode, major red rag to a bull you could say... 

    where as previously i was a patient person who would try to avoid confrontation and try to see the best in everyone.. i am now absolute opposite.... and hubby hasn't got a hope of understanding me.. but i'm lucky so far as he hasn't walked out yet...

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you that made me smile.  It;s so refreshing to be able to be honest about my feelings on this.  I can't talk to anyone else about it as I have a collective group of friends with my husband.  I question my sanity sometimes like do I really feel I want to leave or is it just my hormones.  Thankfully I have been able to keep my gob well and truly shut about that thought to my husband!!!  Totally know what you mean about the patience thing, it takes zilch to make me lose my rag these days and that's on anti depressants, christ knows what I would be like without, be thankful for small mercies and all that!
      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    i'm heading back to the doctors to see if they can find the padlock for the zip for my mouth. either that or something else... keep smiling  and next time you need a reminder that your not a lone look at something red and thin of the bull that runs around my house... hopefully with a padlock on its mouth before the end of this week...

     

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Louise. I feel exactly the same. So I'm sure it must be hormonal😠 most days I could quite easy pack my bags and go and live in the middle of nowhere on my own. I've even found myself avoiding people because I just can't stand  to be around them. So please don't feel like yr going mad as your not on yr own.xx
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Yr very welcome.i think u feel better when u know yr not alone. If u ever need to chat u know we're i'am. Xx
    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up