End of my tether!

Posted , 5 users are following.

Well I've been gradually goung down hill since September despite meds and starting CBT.

Trying best to keep busy but finding it increasingly more difficult, prospect of doing anything fills me with anxiety but I do push on.

Starting to feel at a complete loss and only look forward to the end of the day when I can go to bed, constantly anxious and scared now because I see no way out or anything to be optimistic about.

Breakdown and cry a lot during the day.

GP reluctant to change AD meds which I can appreciate due to difficulties with switching, buspirone im not sure is working and Dr did say it was hit and miss but also don't like taking the diazepam.

My daughter is going yo phone Dr tomorrow and tell him she is worried about me because I'm just to scared to ring and feel I'm being a nuisance.

Just don't feel I'm getting anywhere or any signs of a light after 12 weeks of hell! 

Want to curse up and go to sleep for a long time! 

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    How long have u been on the buspar 
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  • Posted

    I know how you feel! I started new meds in September and I went to day hospital but I've slowly been getting worse. It's hard being on meds and going to therapy and not seeing a difference.. I sometimes feel guilty that I'm not improving, that I'm wasting their time. I feel scared too. Getting thoughts that things might not get better.. but I don't think I can handle this forever. 

    Something/someone will help us, surely! 

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    • Posted

      Dear Amy, bless you.  You should not feel guilty that you are not improving, it is just taking a bit longer than you hoped.  don't despair, you will feel better soon.  Have faith in ytourself.  You are not wasing anyone's time, that is what they are there for. 

      Battle on dear lady, and soon the sun will shine again.

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  • Posted

    Hi Aspinan,I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. Life can be very unfair sometimes. How long have you been on Buspirone? I wonder if maybe they could add something to it,rather than switch your meds. I feel your pain,I started this particular bout of anxiety in June,and am still really struggling and feeling very hopeless. I'm a single mum with a 13 year old daughter and desperately want to be well for her sake,but am dreading Christmas. I too only look forward to curling up in bed come evening. I really hope the go helps you and the cbt starts to help too. Lots of love and hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel....we will get there 
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  • Posted

    Hello.  I have been following your posts for a few weeks, and know that you have been struggling.  I am so very sorry.

    I had great support from my daughter too.  She would come to the doctor with me and talk on my behalf, as I found it so difficult.  I could not phone doctor either.  Used to put the phone down each time.  Know how you feel about that. 

    I had depression for over 20 years, and oh such a long hard struggle.  I have been as low as low can be.  I don't know where I found the strength to battle on.  I am a pensioner now, and am surprised I am still here sometimes. 

    Do you know what though, last year I stopped taking anti depressants.  Yes, I did.  Now for the first time in ages I am not on any medication.  Hurrah.  Long, long battle over so many years.  Overdose,psychiatric hospital, lost home, job, relationships.  I am still here and for the first time in ages feel things are getting better.

    I am just saying if an old dear like me can beat this awful illness called depression, it can be done.  Have faith in yourself.  You have the love of your family, and support, asnd that helps a great deal.

    I have been where you are many, many times.  You will find the strength, I know, because I did.

    God bless you, and care for you.  I am thinking of you.

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    • Posted

      Thank you Anne (and everyone), I know I will eventually get there.

      As you probably know I've been here before and recovered but this episode is by far the hardest I've had to deal with.

      When I'm in a bad way especially mornings and mid afternoon I do think about what I can do to self harm or do something as a cry for help but I've promised my wife and kids I won't.

      i do get little glimpses of hope with a little relief from the anxiety and that nice feeling in the stomach which is lovely when it hapoens but is fleeting but I do hang on to it for as long as possible. 

      Was the psychiatric hospital any help for you or was it because of the overdose? It's shame so many of us have to suffer at home when many of us could do with a spell in a ward but not necessarily one which is for those with bi polar, schizophrenia etc as I'm told they are not nice places to be in.


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    • Posted

      Every crisis is the worst one in our heads and yes I have thought that being in a ward is better than home but I was hospitalized three and a half years ago after having my daughter and they aren't a picnic but they do seem like a spa resort when going thru this 
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    • Posted

      No overdose came after hospital.  When I was discharged from the hospital there was no follow up plan, and I felt bereft.  I asked to go back on a daily basis to attend group therapy.  I suppose I felt safe in the hospital, and the outside world scarier at first. That was a long time ago now.  Actually hospital can be difficult to deal with, like you say.

      Like you, had bad patches and surprised I am still here. 

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