Enough.

Posted , 8 users are following.

For the past two weeks i have been on a backwards spiral, more than 2 weeks, I once again stopped answering my phone, the one people have the number for, and i also stopped opening my mail again. I'm closing down and becoming mute, the most audible i have been was when i had a lunch outside. I fitted in my sleep, i stink like urine, and am in immense pain. Today though i have had enough, got told i stank by the delivery man, well tough sh*t sir, you be me, see how you get on. Anyway i hate this place i hope it burns one day soon. But other than that i am stopping this before it takes me all the way back to the start, tomorrow i will switch the phone on and open all the stupid mail and sort things out of which i'm able to. Today i'm going to force myself into the shower pain/ fits or not. Then go for a walk even if its just outside for five minutes. Hope you are all doing ok and if you aren't cyber hugs and cheers to you from me, keep going, Nick.

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  • Posted

    Nick, good for you to decide to make the effort. I also struggle like hell to do the most "normal" things, like brushing my teeth, getting a shower, getting out of my PJ's & putting my proper clothes on. I am "planning" on going for a walk too. Like you, just round the block. I only answer the phone if I recognize the No. & mail often goes unopened for days. I sometimes keep the blinds closed in case someone calls. I have a nice home & live by myself. Motivation is so, so, difficult. My favourite sentence is, "I'll do it tomorrow"!!
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    • Posted

      Hi Lee, we share the same mantra of 'tomorrow' hope this message comes out ok, using new phone. Hope you're ok, thanks for the reply. Did you go on your walk? I'm leaving in about an hour. Or less. Am knackered but I promised myself aubergine lasagne for dinner so got to move myself lol.
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    • Posted

      Hi Nick. How are you feeling ? No, I didn't go for a walk. I had hydrotherapy the next day & didn't want to be too tired & miss it. It forced me to go out, but I admit, I was close to phoning & cancelling. I pushed myself hard & was too tired & in a lot of pain, so had to get someone to do my shopping for me. I don't like being so reliant on others, but am very grateful they are there. I hope the folk here are helping you, even if just to tell you you are not on your own, open up, talking is good for us I find. Have you even thought of having a pet? I have a lovely tabby cat called Sam. I got her from a rescue centre after my wife left nearly 12 years ago & she is a great companion, quiet but very affectionate. I couldn't imagine the house without an animal.
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    • Posted

      Hi Lee, good on you for attending hydrotherapy. Good to know you had some help with the shopping. Asking for help I find that hard. So well done you. Today's a really crap day here. It'd be nice if it was quiet at least. Pets no, I'm not a pet person, I like animals more than people but I cant have pets. My hands are sun burnt from the other day, I really want to just go to sleep.
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  • Posted

    Hello Nick, it's good to hear you're determined to reach into the land of the living. We all have our setbacks, episodes or times of turmoil. Each episode is different and how we react to it will be different even though the signs appear to be uniform.I like your strength. Your ability to say ' enough ' and take charge. As for that deliveryman's rudeness, he's a jerk.  Don't waste your thoughts on jerks.  You hand in there, Nick.  Cyber hugs right-back-atcha smile

     

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    • Posted

      Hi Tamar, hope you're ok, thanks for the reply, I like your logic thinking. Lol the delivery guy was indeed a jerk, good word for him. He asked if we had any pets, I thought how easy would it be to blame an invisible cat, but thought, hell no that's just stupid. So he continued to be a jerk. Today I just didn't have the energy to do my nut, especially on him, like you said why waste thoughts. Hope you are up to something good today Tamar.
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  • Posted

    sending hugs and XXX back Nick.

    lots of love

    Xx

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