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Enough.

Posted , 8 users are following.

nick34171
nick34171

For the past two weeks i have been on a backwards spiral, more than 2 weeks, I once again stopped answering my phone, the one people have the number for, and i also stopped opening my mail again. I'm closing down and becoming mute, the most audible i have been was when i had a lunch outside. I fitted in my sleep, i stink like urine, and am in immense pain. Today though i have had enough, got told i stank by the delivery man, well tough sh*t sir, you be me, see how you get on. Anyway i hate this place i hope it burns one day soon. But other than that i am stopping this before it takes me all the way back to the start, tomorrow i will switch the phone on and open all the stupid mail and sort things out of which i'm able to. Today i'm going to force myself into the shower pain/ fits or not. Then go for a walk even if its just outside for five minutes. Hope you are all doing ok and if you aren't cyber hugs and cheers to you from me, keep going, Nick.

3 likes, 26 replies

26 Replies

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  • lee34449
    lee34449 nick34171

    Posted

    Nick, good for you to decide to make the effort. I also struggle like hell to do the most "normal" things, like brushing my teeth, getting a shower, getting out of my PJ's & putting my proper clothes on. I am "planning" on going for a walk too. Like you, just round the block. I only answer the phone if I recognize the No. & mail often goes unopened for days. I sometimes keep the blinds closed in case someone calls. I have a nice home & live by myself. Motivation is so, so, difficult. My favourite sentence is, "I'll do it tomorrow"!!
    • nick34171
      nick34171 lee34449

      Posted

      Hi Lee, we share the same mantra of 'tomorrow' hope this message comes out ok, using new phone. Hope you're ok, thanks for the reply. Did you go on your walk? I'm leaving in about an hour. Or less. Am knackered but I promised myself aubergine lasagne for dinner so got to move myself lol.
    • lee34449
      lee34449 nick34171

      Posted

      Hi Nick. How are you feeling ? No, I didn't go for a walk. I had hydrotherapy the next day & didn't want to be too tired & miss it. It forced me to go out, but I admit, I was close to phoning & cancelling. I pushed myself hard & was too tired & in a lot of pain, so had to get someone to do my shopping for me. I don't like being so reliant on others, but am very grateful they are there. I hope the folk here are helping you, even if just to tell you you are not on your own, open up, talking is good for us I find. Have you even thought of having a pet? I have a lovely tabby cat called Sam. I got her from a rescue centre after my wife left nearly 12 years ago & she is a great companion, quiet but very affectionate. I couldn't imagine the house without an animal.
    • nick34171
      nick34171 lee34449

      Posted

      Hi Lee, good on you for attending hydrotherapy. Good to know you had some help with the shopping. Asking for help I find that hard. So well done you. Today's a really crap day here. It'd be nice if it was quiet at least. Pets no, I'm not a pet person, I like animals more than people but I cant have pets. My hands are sun burnt from the other day, I really want to just go to sleep.
  • tamar21527
    tamar21527 nick34171

    Posted

    Hello Nick, it's good to hear you're determined to reach into the land of the living. We all have our setbacks, episodes or times of turmoil. Each episode is different and how we react to it will be different even though the signs appear to be uniform.I like your strength. Your ability to say ' enough ' and take charge. As for that deliveryman's rudeness, he's a jerk.  Don't waste your thoughts on jerks.  You hand in there, Nick.  Cyber hugs right-back-atcha smile

     

    • nick34171
      nick34171 tamar21527

      Posted

      Hi Tamar, hope you're ok, thanks for the reply, I like your logic thinking. Lol the delivery guy was indeed a jerk, good word for him. He asked if we had any pets, I thought how easy would it be to blame an invisible cat, but thought, hell no that's just stupid. So he continued to be a jerk. Today I just didn't have the energy to do my nut, especially on him, like you said why waste thoughts. Hope you are up to something good today Tamar.
  • Dondons3
    Dondons3 nick34171

    Posted

    sending hugs and XXX back Nick.

    lots of love

    Xx

    • nick34171
      nick34171 Dondons3

      Posted

      Woman! One of few who I will actually speak too, lol, how are you doing?
    • nick34171
      nick34171 paul67642

      Posted

      Right now on my the river. Its so peaceful, shopping was horrible but mot a total nightmare. I don't want to go home. I'm just standing here. Damn phone I meant I'm by the river on my way home.All I can hear is nature, I even fed the swans.
    • nick34171
      nick34171 paul67642

      Posted

      Lol the conversation would probably suck. But the birds here are chirping, you would like it. Hope you are ok Paul.
    • paul67642
      paul67642 nick34171

      Posted

      just a bit mate just that i lost my girlfriend in may this year
    • nick34171
      nick34171 paul67642

      Posted

      Damn it. I don't really know what to say to that. Apart from sorry. Lol shame we cant scoff thesedoughnuts I'm not supposed to be eating together.
    • Dondons3
      Dondons3 nick34171

      Posted

      Been better Nick xxx

      Read that poem, not sure what I make of it yet, it's a good, clever poem, maybe that's why I've not made much sense of it 😕 xx

    • nick34171
      nick34171 Dondons3

      Posted

      I liked to think it was about sanity, but others think different, the subject matter over all I think most link with grief but I find that when Poe is questioning the Raven it brings forth the matter of sanity. Perhaps it was a bit of a task to start off upon. That and you use alot of straight feeling talk in your poems, he uses atmosphere, surroundings and metaphorical, riddles almost. You choose the next poem. Stop saying you're daft! Everybody has different tastes in things.
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