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Every waking hour, for 15 years, I have been convinced I will have a heart attack.

Posted , 5 users are following.

james63103
james63103

I'm 33, but ever since I was 17 I am convinced on an hourly basis that I will die for a heart attack. In all those years I have never had a day where I have felt normal.

It sucks, and it has ruined my life. I've also had ectopic heartbeats since I was 17 too. 

I feel beyond help. Anxiety isn't new to me, I'm a veteran at this. Doctors write me off a long time ago. I don't get down about it, it's just how my brain works. I also have Aspergers which I'm told affects anxiety.

The fear of a heart attack cripples me. I wont leave the house some days because of it. So I've developed a sedatary lifestyle ... which will cause a heart attack. And now it's a vicious circle because I know one day it will happen.

I'm 33, I feel like this is the age when people start to see problems with their health as a result of early life choices. My parents didn't raise me on fruit and vegetables. I wasn't taught how important they are until mid 20's. So that goes against me.

I don't know what to do anymore. I do exercise, and have done most of my life on and off, but there have been periods where depression have left me bed ridden for weeks. Thankfully I'm passed that.

So yeah, I can truly say I'm one of those very few people where anxiety has destroyed my life and my health ... and I let it.

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • james63103
    james63103

    Posted

    I jump rope and lift weights 3 to 4 times a week. I'll also climb 1000 steps some days. Or go for long walks when my anxiety doesn't stop me. But some days it's hard to do any of this because of anxiety.

  • james63103
    james63103

    Posted

    Also forgot to mention I constantly replay death scenarios in my head. Like I imagine myself as my girlfriend who has lost me because I died for a heart attack and I play out in my head what she would do, and how she would feel.

    If I'm going shopping, I'll play out an event where I collapse in the store in agonising pain clinging onto my life. I will feel the fear. And then I will convince myself that it's going to happen.

    I am not kidding when I say I think like this every waking hour most days. 

    • luna6
      luna6 james63103

      Posted

      I DO THE SAME THING. Last night I witnessed a heart attack and am terrified of having one myself.
    • james63103
      james63103 luna6

      Posted

      So sorry sad I don't know how I would cope if I seen someone have a heart attack. I hope they are ok. And I hope you're ok too.

  • cannonchick
    cannonchick james63103

    Posted

    i used to be like you, thought i was going to have a heart attack all the time. my doc had me wear a heart monitor for a couple of days and did stress tests. All came back normal. Doc told me if there was a heart issue i would have dropped dead while running long before now. the medical tests proved to me a was healthy and the anxiety of heart attacks went away. would being tested work for you?
    • james63103
      james63103 cannonchick

      Posted

      Same I've had many tests in the past and admitted myself to A&E so many times I've lost count. For the first week or so after being tested I feel ontop of the world but then the obsessive thoughts about heart attacks increase and I'm back to square one sad

  • albert48271
    albert48271 james63103

    Posted

    Hey I feel the same way. It has been so crippling to my life. In the last 4 months, I have been to 3 cardiologists and been to the ER 4 times. I have done chest x-rays. blood tests, an echocardiogram, and a 30-day holter monitor and they told me they did not find any abnormalities. I keep thinking that they missed something. I saw a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with anxiety. The main thing that frightens me is the feeling like my heart is fluttering or spazzing out. A few days ago it fluttered for like 7 seconds straight and i got so dizzy. Does this happen to you? 
    • james63103
      james63103 albert48271

      Posted

      Yes I also get the fluttering and skipped beats. Doctors tell me they are called ectopics and are harmless. I had them last night while lying on my stomach. They happen so frequently I can now just ignore them. I've had runs of flutters that have lasted a good 10 seconds. Also been to ER numerous times. The last trip was last September after I had flutters for 3 days straight all day. They sent me home and told me my heart is fine.

      I've had the flutters since I was younger. They are really hard to get used to ignore but once I stopped freaking out about them my life got a little bit better.

      I've actually had 3 flutters while writing this. How crazy.

  • Lordnottoday
    Lordnottoday james63103

    Posted

    I am sorry you feel that way.  Anxiety is a cycle.  This is important for you to understand - because this is how you will manage your anxiety.  You cannot cure anxiety because we need it to survive.  Without it we walk into traffic, not sense danger, etc.  So it is good and necessary.  However, people with anxiety disorder for whatever reason and there could be many replay thoughts, images, in there heads over and over again.  The good new is you do not have to. 

    You have to relearn your thinking.  1.  We are not our thought.  Start to notice what you tell your self.  It might be you open your eyes and jump out of bed.  You jump out too quick and you got dizzy.  The anxiety way:  OMG  i AM dizzy.  I can't get out of bed.  Here we go again.  I am doomed.  The right way or the f'k anxiety way:  ok, I am dizzy because I got up to fast.  It will pass.  Calm your breathing and go on with your day.  Tomorrow when you open your eyes take a moment and lay there thank God for this day.  Then tell yourself my feet are working and they are strong they can hold me up.  My legs are so strong.  I feel great.  This is my day.  I own it.  I can do anything to day.  I will do get up and take care of myself.  I will have a nutrishes breakfast.  I will take care of my body.  Then get up.  If a negative thought comes up.  Fight it.  say it is not true. 

    Remember anxiety cannot hurt you.  I get it but it comes and goes quickly.  I say ok anxiety hit me , come at me, I am not afraid of you.  And for a second you feel it.  Then it leaves.  And go on with your day.  If it creeps in again and it will keep changing the negative thought into positive ones.  It takes practice. 

    and don't beat yourself up , if you slep up once in a while.  Because you had 33 years of negative , anxious thinking. 

    Talk to yourself as you would a friend.  You would say:  how can I help you?  You are strong.  I like you just the way you are. 

    Therapy is a good thing too.  It will help you face your fears and will teach you tools to handle the anxiety. 

     

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