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I'm really just writing to try and understand what has happened and try and get some advice. I was seeing someone that openly admitted to having anxiety. She was very open about it coming in to the relationship and it wasn't something that phased me. However she was coming from a very serious relationship and admitted she still had a few anxieties. All was going well and we agreed to be open with each other and for her to tell me when something was wrong. We then got to a point where little things were becoming a problem, one example was we bumped into someone we both knew and she decided that we could not be together anymore because I thought this person was nice and she couldn't stand them, the fact that I thought this person was nice meant to her that I must be like them and therefore we can't be together. A few little things like this kept coming up and we decided that she was not ready for a relationship and to call it a day. No animosity at all. However after that we were missing each other so decided to give it another go until one day I left her house and since she has spoke to me only a few times via text to say she can't do it that I'm aggressive,to stressed and don't respect her job. All these things have never come up before and do not describe me at all. She won't speak to me on the phone or see me. I can't understand it because when I left we were in a good place.
i have found this really hard and although I understand her anxiety I'm struggling with my own want for answers and need to see her. The latest has been that I got invited to an event of a group she belongs to (at the time I did not know she was a member) and so my name appeared for her to see. Although we were on semi talking terms she then text me and said she can't believe I've joined this group, I'm a stalker. She has blocked my number and my email. I can't get through to her at all. I am really struggling with what to do? I am finding it hard to deal with the fact that we have ended and I feel like I'm being blamed for a lot of things I haven't done. She has blocked me so I can't even explain and as well as dealing with the break up I'm finding her comments really hurtful and hard to deal with. But most of all she won't talk to me and I feel if I try even harder then I will actually turn into the stalker she's making me out to be. What can I do? I don't want to make her worse, but I need to understand what's happened and what's best for me to do? I don't want our relationship to end with her having these negative thoughts about me but can I change it?
1 like, 9 replies
athol91131 francesca46453
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SkyeBeth francesca46453
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archemedes francesca46453
Posted
The problem is that failure to achieve what we want can be the signal to our brains to go chasing after that very thing - a bit like gambling really. When it gets out of control it can turn into a real problem.
Clearly this girl does not want to be involved with you for some reason that you cannot comprehend, and because you appear to have gone out of your way to accomodate her you simply cannot accept this.
The answer is that everyone is a free agent, and whether you like it or not what you are doing now is pushing yourself beyond the boundaries of where you really should be.
Remember that you do not own this girl - she is free to do what she wants, and she does not appear to want you.
The only answer for you, without causing yourself real psychological damage, is to accept the situation and walk away from it - put her completely out of your mind and go on to live your life as it is meant to be lived - certainly not in a fixated dream.
If you do not do this, then as I said before there is a high risk that you yourself with get damaged, and also it will not do her any good either.
Sometimes there are no explanations - just happenings, and we have to learn to live with them because that is the reality of life.
So, DONT chase it - just WALK AWAY and think yourself lucky that you still can..
archemedes
Posted
I had to walk away after 8 years of marriage, much as I didn't want to and I survived and so did she - albeit seperately.
She may be unwell and suffering from a severe mental health problems, but experience has shown me that these conditions can take many years to settle-down. If you force yourself back into the equation believe me, you will make little progress and in all probability go down the pan with her - then everything is lost.
New85 francesca46453
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arwen1972 francesca46453
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kellys90 francesca46453
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doretta02910 francesca46453
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b36593 francesca46453
Posted
I am in a similar situation. My ex has anxiety, said iinfrom the start. But he stress with work for worse and something happened and she just said she didn't love me two days after saying she did. And in the previous month taking about our kids names etc.
she doesn't really want to talk.
I was just wondering how this worked out.
Thanks
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