Ex Partner with anxiety

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I'm really just writing to try and understand what has happened and try and get some advice. I was seeing someone that openly admitted to having anxiety. She was very open about it coming in to the relationship and it wasn't something that phased me. However she was coming from a very serious relationship and admitted she still had a few anxieties. All was going well and we agreed to be open with each other and for her to tell me when something was wrong. We then got to a point where little things were becoming a problem, one example was we bumped into someone we both knew and she decided that we could not be together anymore because I thought this person was nice and she couldn't stand them, the fact that I thought this person was nice meant to her that I must be like them and therefore we can't be together. A few little things like this kept coming up and we decided that she was not ready for a relationship and to call it a day. No animosity at all. However after that we were missing each other so decided to give it another go until one day I left her house and since she has spoke to me only a few times via text to say she can't do it that I'm aggressive,to stressed and don't respect her job. All these things have never come up before and do not describe me at all. She won't speak to me on the phone or see me. I can't understand it because when I left we were in a good place.

i have found this really hard and although I understand her anxiety I'm struggling with my own want for answers and need to see her. The latest has been that I got invited to an event of a group she belongs to (at the time I did not know she was a member) and so my name appeared for her to see. Although we were on semi talking terms she then text me and said she can't believe I've joined this group, I'm a stalker. She has blocked my number and my email. I can't get through to her at all. I am really struggling with what to do? I am finding it hard to deal with the fact that we have ended and I feel like I'm being blamed for a lot of things I haven't done. She has blocked me so I can't even explain and as well as dealing with the break up I'm finding her comments really hurtful and hard to deal with. But most of all she won't talk to me and I feel if I try even harder then I will actually turn into the stalker she's making me out to be. What can I do? I don't want to make her worse, but I need to understand what's happened and what's best for me to do? I don't want our relationship to end with her having these negative thoughts about me but can I change it?

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Walk away from it. Let it go. Sometimes things aren't all neatly tied up at the end of things. Sometimes in life we dont know why things happened the way they did. Sometimes we just have to let it all go. To hang on to it will only cause us more pain. This is not easy but sometimes it is the best and only thing we can do. Walk away. Leave it. Drop it. Let her go. Sorry, but this is good advice and I speak from experience. It's part of growing up, knowing when to let go. Good luck to you.
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  • Posted

    This must be hard, especially since you seem to genuinely care for her.  But I agree with Athol.  Your ex-partner seems to going through an episode either brought on by her anxiety or change of meds or a hundred other things.  You might find in a months time that she may contact you and confess what was going through her mind at the time.  I know by experience that it is an awful feeling when a relationship ends on such misconceptions and you have no way of remedying it.
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  • Posted

    Sometimes in life when we feel that we deperately want something or someone we later discover that what wanted wasn't the right thing for us at all.

    The problem is that failure to achieve what we want can be the signal to our brains to go chasing after that very thing - a bit like gambling really. When it gets out of control it can turn into a real problem.

    Clearly this girl does not want to be involved with you for some reason that you cannot comprehend, and because you appear to have gone out of your way to accomodate her you simply cannot accept this.

    The answer is that everyone is a free agent, and whether you like it or not what you are doing now is pushing yourself beyond the boundaries of where you really should be.

    Remember that you do not own this girl - she is free to do what she wants, and she does not appear to want you.

    The only answer for you, without causing yourself real psychological damage, is to accept the situation and walk away from it - put her completely out of your mind and go on to live your life as it is meant to be lived - certainly not in a fixated dream.

    If you do not do this, then as I said before there is a high risk that you yourself with get damaged, and also it will not do her any good either.

    Sometimes there are no explanations - just happenings, and we have to learn to live with them because that is the reality of life.

    So, DONT chase it - just WALK AWAY and think yourself lucky that you still can..

     

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    • Posted

      If you are wondering why I gave you the above advice - it is is not based upon fantasy or speculation, it was based on an actual case-history - what happened to me for real many years ago.

      I had to walk away after 8 years of marriage, much as I didn't want to and I survived and so did she - albeit seperately.

      She may be unwell and suffering from a severe mental health problems, but experience has shown me that these conditions can take many years to settle-down. If you force yourself back into the equation believe me, you will make little progress and in all probability go down the pan with her - then everything is lost.

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  • Posted

    Hi, wanted to comment from the other side of this because I've been that girl. When I was at my lowest point I was not thinking at all logically and was just looking for someone to blame for the way I was feeling. I believed my bf was making me making ill. Even thought it was purposeful/malicious. The way I dealt with the situation sounds very similar to the above. Although I still feel my boyfriend at the time genuinely was not at all right for me, I accused him of a lot of things that simply were not fair or true, and cut him off completely leaving him very confused. A few months after the episode I started to feel better, had a moment of clarity and I did text him to say I'm really sorry and I was unwell, I over reacted, and didn't mean the things I said, but I still don't think we should be together. Hopefully your ex will have this moment of clarity and at least give you an explanation or apology in the future. But what I will tell you is that while she is in that state, anything you try to do will be misinterpreted and won't help at all. You need to leave her to sort her problems out and come to you. Hope that helps x
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  • Posted

    The other contributors to this discussion have already said it. I know that it isn't what you you want to hear but you have to walk away, and now. Good luck for the future.
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  • Posted

    Hi love just maybe give her some time anxiety is a horrible thing to suffer as i suffer it myself I've been with my partner 5years last year i didn't feel like i loved him anymore but ino it wasn't true and it was the anxiety because i also felt like i didn't love my son anymore either it killed me i ended up in a mental health hospital because of how i was feeling i knew this wasn't me after a few months of being on my tablets i started feeling myself again all my love come back I've recently been off my tablets and started feeling other things thinking about people i don't want to and thinking about things i don't want to anxiety twits your feelings makes you think and think stuff you don't want to I've had a certain person popping in my head recently and it's doing my head in making me poorly again because ino i shouldn't be thinking of them and can't understand why there name got mentioned a bit back and since then they've stuck in my head they pop up at the most inconvenient time then i feel heartbroken heads a mess ect because of it its awful and i hate it its the worst thing to go through anxiety i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy hope this as helped u understand a bit better x
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  • Posted

    Everyone has offered really good advice.  I know this is hard but anxiety is awful and it makes us feel and act awful.  Give her time and wait until she comes to you.  Take care of you.  Maybe by that time you will realize that you no longer need her nor want the drama.  You cannot make someone give you what you want and deserve.  I wish you the best and hope you will find the person who will meet your needs and be with you freely.   Have faith in your self.  Time will tell all.
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  • Posted

    I am in a similar situation. My ex has anxiety, said iinfrom the start. But he stress with work for worse and something happened and she just said she didn't love me two days after saying she did. And in the previous month taking about our kids names etc.

    she doesn't really want to talk.

    I was just wondering how this worked out.

    Thanks

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