Fear of open spaces (I think ).

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Help! I dont know what to do. Walked ...rather been trying to get out this flat all weekend..Cant!!!! Got stuck yesterday and ex stood and watched at the window as I gripped onto lampost for over 30 minutes..Could not let go.. Crossing roads, I fi manage I get panic half way through ( thinking Im not giong to make it...then argh...legs tremble and panic sets in ) and then ...I think come on STOP it...I managed to walk to the end of my street today. ex had to take children to school, and I dont know how I am going to coleeect them as earlier I got stuck...Stood in the street, hanging on to a lampost ...couldnt let go Stood for 25 minutes..My house is/was just round the corner, and I couldnt get it together-not one little bit. Cried cliging onto lampost....waited to see if it would go...Please pass....it wouldnt pass. no breathing ..no nice thoughts ...nothing helpes.....I was stuck...I felt like I wanted to be sick , held back as id already made a big enough scene. Ive had to cancel an appointment for the 2nd time round.....I am woried I am never going to be able to wlak again.

Now I am indoors...i really want to go out, but i cant for feear this will happen again and again and again..No one helps, one knows how your going to react or whats wrong ( peole just walk past , unles of curse htey know you ...they just walk past and must think ( waht a weirdo)...I dont know what to do,,I dont htink there is anything physical wrong, and I cant sleep as I cant function andthats making me worse..Ive 2 young lovely children and I cant do anything with them due to this...This is awful....

Too scared to ring the doctors.

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  • Posted

    Hi Lamposts

    What a difficult time you're having.

    I started having panic attacks 8mths ago & like you they occurred every time I had to go out. Unfortunately I took the option of not going out & later realised that it only added to the problem. The way I managed it was to keep myself busy until it was time to leave & to have someone to go out with me. Gradually i found that I wanted to go out on my own so was advised to find a distraction, I used my walkman to do this, at first I wore it in the house before I left then gradually moved on to putting it on as opened the door then when I got outside, then i set myself goals about how long I could listen to it while I was out. After 6mths I can now go out without needing it & feel so much better. It takes alot of hard work & there are setbacks but you will get there. I was also having counseling at the time which helped a great deal.

    Do try to speak to your GP it will help & maybe he could arrange some counseling for you.

    Good luck

    Rosie

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  • Posted

    Hi Rosie , thank you for the message.......Ive now not been out for 2 days for fear that i will just colapse in the streets....as i am now having them in the house.

    I am in the middle of a speration which is not going well.....we have signed the housing lease 5 yrs ago (in joint names) and one minute he says\"He will go\",,,the next he states that he not going to budge. Its torture...

    The reasons for me wanting him gone are massive-so I am not changing my mind.

    Ive tried the walkman thing, and have to switchiit off as panic sets in ....I have a few friends, but everyone is busy getting on with their lives, and i feel like a huge burden and really silly for asking for anyone shelp-it must just seem so weird. Anyway, I managed to see my Gp.....friend walked me to the bus stop ....and every road I got to I had to ask for help, and sometimes had to cling along wals . It took me an hour to get wto a place that would normally take about 20minutes..My daughter sometimes helps me,,,and she doesnt mind .,,,she likes to be helpful My docotr put me back on this stuff which is making me feel really sick...keep thinkng feeling like I am ging to be sick, also on diazepam....he gave me a higher dose than previous, but to be honest I am terrified to take the higher dose.

    Sorry waffling, Ive been off work ( holiday) for a week....back tomorrow and just do not know how I am ging to get there. Im fine when Im with others, but on my own I am a reck! but thank you Rosie...maybe one day it will be gone!

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  • Posted

    Hi Lamposts

    No wonder then that you're having panic attacks! You seem to be in the same position I was in 31/2 yrs ago with just as difficult a partner. Why do they have to make things so much more difficult than it already is! My ex could quite easily have moved in with his mother (just next door) or with friends but was adamant that the house was half his & it was his right to live there regardless of how he had treated me. I expect you've also had the 'make him move out' & 'why are you putting up with it' from people trying to be helpful which makes it all the more difficult to deal with. As you say its pure torture & you have my every sympathy, its a shame we can't speak in person.

    Just a thought, have your difficulties with going out increased since taking Citalopram? I found from the 2nd -4th week that my symptoms became more difficult to manage which brought back having trouble going out, I went back into hermit mode & didn't want to see anyone.

    If you find the walkman irritating do you have a favourite piece of music you could listen to. I also sound that planning where I was going helped & started by just being able to go out to my garage & bin without panicking, then to the end of the road and so on. What happens if you go out by car? I had trouble with this too & at one stage could only go out if it was in my daughters car & she would have to stay with me while I locked the door then gradually she stayed in the car so make me come out on my own. It takes time but you can get there.

    Are you having counselling to help with your anxiety, i did & found it helpful in reassuring me that I wasn't going mad or that they weren't life threatening, it also gave me the opportunity to 'off load' all my problems & leave them with her. she taught me that panic attacks come from extreme anxiety & is your bodies way of saying I'm scared. she gave me a very helpful article to read about panic attacks & i if I could send it to you would but there is a good one on the Mind website which is similar. 

    If its difficult going to your doctor could you contact Mind or Assist, both have very good phone help lines & there are charities that provide free counselling without contact with your GP.

    Sorry that this is so long & full of questions. You will get over the panic but it does take a lot of time, patience & support.

    Keep talking & I'm happy to support you.

    Rosie

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  • Posted

    Hi Rosie, Ive just started to take citalopram this morning-I cant help wonder if its heightening everything. I have had counselling not so long ago , and it did help, so i dont really understand why I am doing this..Its good to hear form you in that you managed it. I normally love going outside with my ipod and walking-its good to clear the head, and good in everyway. Unfortunately I cant drive as i have bad eyesight, so cant even get lessons.

    Ive had panic attacks before so did know what it was, I still find them terrifying and even though ive been told to do the breathing techniques..once they start..I do say this will pass, but sometimes I can be clinging on a wall for 30 mins, and I feel realy sstupid. I am a bit mortified today as..i had my children with me..I had to go to the shops for their packed lunch stop. On the way home I got stuck at a small road. Legs started to tremble , my entire body started to tremble. both my little girls held my hand and my eldest was saying \"Breath mummy , its okay\" Shes not feeling well either . She has earache..Ok...then of course trembling...cant understand why..cant let go of the fence ...and then couldnt breth, brething too fast to quick and heart pound s, pins and needles and worried I was going to vomit. A family watched and my youngest asked for their help..They asked if i wanted an ambulance...I refused \"No need: and then luckily a friend mum found me and held me tight to the other side of the road....Managed it with my girls around the corner, but then polish guy had to hel pme across the next road. I found this really dissheartening as normallly I am fine with the girls and I have been practicing getting out, but I seem to be getting worse, not better. youd think diazepam would relax you enough for this not to happen. I just dont know what to make of it.

    Its goodto hear from someone who has managed to get on and get over it-are you over it?

    I do think , if my partner wasnt such a..I dont know mean man..In everyway I wouldnt be in this state!

    Thank you for your support, take care of you!

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  • Posted

    Hmmm.dont know. Took 20mgs of citalopram, and 5 mgs of diazepam last night(with the worry about getting to work) hoping it would all help. Got up, threw up, went back to bed, ...lay , washing machine cycle in stomach , ran to the lou, threw up....went back to bed...Then the other end...oh the joys..Phoned work-told them, Iam sick. Calm now, but not been outside yet, I have to get my daughter fro school, feel a bit weak but will manage...I hope..Sometimes, I feel so fine (sometimes) inside, that this is just silly, irrational, unexplained, unintentional behaviour!!!!!
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  • Posted

    Oh the joys of Citalopram side effects.

    Hang on in there it will get better, honestly! Very soon you should feel so much better.

    I found I had less nausea by taking them in the morning, it also meant that I didn't wake up feeling like I had a hangover!

    I think I'm over my panic attacks. I've spent the evening organising a pre-wedding party for my son & daughter-in-law so I must be feeling much better as I couldn't bear to have people in the house six weeks ago!

    My biggest challenge will come when I fly to Milan in two weeks, I also have problems with feeling trapped in rooms so its going to be interesting!

    Did you manage to get out today?

    Rosie

    Rosie

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  • Posted

    Hi Rosie...managed to get out-but had both children on either side of me. Iam still feeling sick on this stuff, and diazepam...but feel like the dge has been taken away-though been up since 430am wondering what the heck Im going to do.

    Good luck with the weddin gRosie, hope its a lot of fun.

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  • Posted

    Hi Lamposts

    Well done! try to remember how well you've done when you go out next time.

    You will find that the meds mess up your sleep patterns for a while. I seem to be settling into a pattern with it now. Thank fully I now longer wake at 1.30 & 3 & for the first time in 4yrs now sleep 11-4 which is bliss!

    Keep thinking positive, things will get better.

    Rosie

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