Feel I should know better

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi all

sorry for lengthy post but feel the need to give a bit of background.  I have had postnatal depression before, after the birth of two of my children. I recovered but have been on and off medication since.  My dad died 6 years ago and I took a bout of depression after this. I was put on  citalopram and they helped me so much. Sometimes I think the anxiety I had was as bad as the depression, if not worse. About 3 years ago I came off the tablets and had been my normal self up until about a month ago when out if the blue I took a panic attack and things then kinda escalated. I am now back on 30 mgs citalopram (started off on 20 for 2 weeks and 30 last 5 days.  I know that medication alone doesn't take this away  and you have to help yourself too.  I always felt the medication gave me what I needed to help myself if that makes sense.  However the past 3 days have been really bad, feeling so hopeless - extreme fear that this will never go away and I will go crazy.  I am trying to think positive but it's just not sinking in. Am worried the tablets won't work this time. I am eating but not enjoying my food. Sleep is very poor also.  I just feel I am making myself worse and can't stop myself.  I am trying to ignore negative thoughts but can't always do this. I just feel as I have been through this before I should know better and should be able to stop myself getting into such a panic. I feel such a failure.  Has anyone else felt like this.

3 likes, 9 replies

Report / Delete

9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello Elizab. So sorry that you are in so much pain I suffered with anxiety and depression after the birth of both my children and have had been in a depression most my life. I knew I needed counseling and meds but as I am older I could not find what wonderful help that we have today. I found a great counselor in my late 20's and got on Prozac as soon as it came out. I worked very hard in counseling as therapy is not a quick fix but has helped me tremendously. We care very much on this site and know what it feels like to suffer with this illness. Hope something I said will give you comfort.  I can tell you that you are not alone. Please keep us posted. Diane

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you for replying. It is was very comforting.  I am glad to say the anxiety isn't too bad and I've had a few ok days. However as you know you can go up and down so just taking things one day at a time. As I have had quite a long break since I had this I didn't think it was going to come back.  Trying to accept that this is part of me and who I am and I am going to be  more susceptible. Hope you are ok at the minute.

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi elizab.  Yes I know how you feel.  I deal with it everyday.   It is a battle and exhausting.  I was always a worrier as a child which I guess turned into anxiety and depression as an adult.  I take meds.  I've been to cbt for years off and on.  That still doesn't make it any easier.  I hope you feel better soon

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Please don't feel like a failure.  May I ask how old you are?  I am on here looking for some sliver of hope.  I am having a bad day as well.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi

      i am in my late forties.  As you say It is very hard and it can be such a debilitating illness. Yesterday and today I seem to have picked up a bit and am getting a break - thank goodness.  I am back on medication so hopefully it is starting to work although I know I've a way to go.  Hopefully soon my good days will outweigh the bad and I hope this happens for you too.  Sorry to hear your having a bad day.  I was thinking of trying cbt - would you recommend it.?

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      It's hard to say.  Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm paying  someone just to listen to me.  The stuff they tell me to try always seem too hard for me to manage, like it takes more energy than I have.  But, I think it could just be getting the right therapist too.  Maybe I just haven't found the right one for me.  Or if I don't do the things they recommend then I'm not helping myself anyways.  

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    It feels so good to read this stuff and to see that I am not alone and we all just have to fight it it's a mental thing I had a baby 9 months ago n I think it's postpartum depression I haven't turned to any meds but  I'm constantly worrying about the negative thinking the worse.. this time shall pass we all will over come this we just have to try to look for the light on the other side You will get better.. 😌

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you for commenting. I know what you mean about the negative thinking.  I was like that when I had post-natal and at other times too. I always felt a heavy sense of dread too as if something awful was going to happen (of course it didn't ).  It's easy to think positive but the hardest part is actually believing it and it sinking in. Hope this makes sense.  

      It is very comforting to know you are not alone and this actually seems such a common illness.  Unfortunately when I had post natal I had to take medication as I couldn't cope without it.  However I have to say it gave me what I needed to overcome it and to help myself.  Hope you feel better soon.

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up