Feel like i'm losing it! :(

Posted , 5 users are following.

Ugh sad Christmas, the time to be happy right! 

Not me, i'm in a complete mess with my anxiety.

If it's not a little nib/lump on my neck that i can feel if i put my arm up straight thinking it's cancer then its the heart palpitations and chest pain fearing I have something wrong with my heart and that i'm going to go into cardiac arrest at any time. If it's not either of them two then it's something else, even if it's something that happened in the past and i've had checked out and cleared by the docs ill be like have they missed it? I'm exhuasted, i've been through so much these past 3 years, so many hospital appointments, so many days crying thinking I have cancer or heart problems, but here I am 3 years later with only one diagnosis, anxiety. 

I've had health anxiety ever since I was like 3 when my cuson suddenly died after he was born with a hole in his heart. I can remember fearing death ever since then, i remember thinking i've got 93 years left because i presumed everyone lived till 100 which would of made me 7, so i had anxiety at 7.. I was then bullied badly in school, where i'd sit in class just praying nobody made me speak in front of class or nobody would do anything call me out etc. I think thats where a majority of my anxiety comes from, i'd sit there just thinking please please please dont talk to me, thats pure anxiety and i think that's why i'm here where i am now. 

Wierdly enough, I didnt have any phyiscal symptoms of it. I got myself sorted out, lost loads of weight, got myself a girlfriend and became a lot more socialable, but then a mole on my arm looked funny. I went into anxiety over load, and it was the day after i got the all clear from the docs about it when I was driving home from work, my chest felt tight, and all of sudden my breath got taken away from me. I nearly swerved off the road, thinking it was my heart, I know now it was an anxiety attack, and ever since that day It's been hell. All the physical symptoms came flooding it, chest pain every day, shortness of breath, palpitations, I cant lay on either side when im in bed, I wake up some mornings with a heavy chest and shortness of breath, I get muscle twitchs all over my body, I get random dizziness, I get random aches and pains, its just horrible.

I've had so many ecgs, stress ecg, 72 hour ecg's, echocardiogram, stress perfusion cardiac MRi scan and been cleared by two different cardioligists. But the chest pain, the arm pain, the jaw pain i can't beleive this is all anxiety. I'm 23 years old and i feel about 60.

Does it ever end? I feel like im over it and then like this morning, ill just start googling random stuff about sudden cardiac arrest etc and scare myself. The last time I saw a cardioligist he said my 'ecg has changed from last year' but didnt tell me what, he did the test, it came back clear, and he said there's nothing wrong with me. 

Deep down I know it's anxiety, i didnt have any of these symptoms before that day where I had my first anxiety attack. I've only had 2 anxiety attacks since then but the symptoms are just random and even when im not anxious. 

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Are you on any meds?
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    • Posted

      No, I've been offered them but I'm not keen on taking meds like that.

      I'm determinded to beat it myself, but as soon as i feel like i'm getting somewhere something else comes along to knock me back to where i started. 

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    • Posted

      Bearing in minds meds arent the only option, therapy can work every bit as well and sometimes better than meds, its the preferred option for many
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  • Posted

    So sorry you are going through so much.I have anxiety too,so I can relate.I always wonder why I am so anxious then I look back at past life experinces,family members ill,death etc and I can see why I am anxious.All I could think to do was I finally went in for counseling.I avoided meds like the plague as that scared me too.I finally gave in and let my doctor prescibe me anxiety medication and even though I still have anxiety it has helped me get through some really rough times.I hope you feel better soon,people just dont understand anxiety unless they have it.xx
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